Oh, the Things You Learn!

A Change of Scenery

2011-01-28T13:19:00.000-06:00

It's the end of January, and already it seems that 2011 is flying by! Maybe it really is an age thing... that sense that time moves faster with every year you get older. A lot of things are happening in and around me, and I feel God leading me in so many new directions. I'm doing a pretty bang-up job on my New Year's Resolutions; I have started taking classes at Samford towards the completion of my photography certificate; I've started a new fitness class and plan to begin training to run a 5K as soon as the weather gets warm enough. I auditioned to be on TV (again!) and have finally been able to zip my favorite Gap jeans again! So far, 2011 looks pretty promising... can't wait to see what God has in store for me this year!

So several (and by several I mean A LOT of) months ago I promised to put more of my pictures up... so I'm taking this opportunity to do what I have failed to do very well as of yet. Here are some of the pictures I've taken over the past year, and once I get settled into this photography program, I hope I'll only get better! Stay tuned (and enjoy)!

Next Stop? Vegas, Please

2011-01-04T10:14:00.002-06:00

It's 2011! (I'm sure you were quite aware of this fact, seeing as how it's been 2011 for 4 days now...) 2011 doesn't really mean anything special to me... except that it's a new year. It's time for new ideas, new beginnings, new resolutions (::sigh::). Oh, and I turn 30 this year (::whine::).

I don't know why I can't seem to get excited about this year. The new year is usually a spectacularly optimistic time for me. I'm sure it has very little to do with the turning 30 part and more to do with the lack of direction I seem to be finding myself dealing with. It's very strange. Let me 'splain...

I'm about to hit the Big Three-Oh. (Please, take a moment and let that sink in.) I don't know if I'm supposed to feel like this is one of those huge milestone birthdays or something, but for some reason that number... 30... seems to represent all the things that I haven't quite gotten right yet. It's so horribly pessimistic of me, and yet it's a feeling that I can't quite seem to shake. I'm not anywhere near where I thought I'd be by the time I turned 30... not that it's bad. It's just different. I know that I have a pretty great life. I mean, there are a lot of things that could be different... and a lot of things that I'm sure could be better in some ways... but overall, I really feel like I have a pretty great life. I have a great job. I have a fabulous house that I bought all by myself (and if you know me very well at all, I'm sure you realize what a HUGE accomplishment this was). I have a car. I have money in savings (although not as much as I would like, but we're working on it). I have money in a retirement account. I tithe (although also not as much as I would like, but I'm getting there). I have a great family. I have 3 stunningly beautiful nieces. I have a supportive church family and a wonderful pastor.

It seems entirely reasonable that I should look at 2011 with optimism and hope... rather than with apathy. And my own apathy makes me feel ungrateful and horribly out of touch with my own reality. So what's a girl to do? Before we go any further into this year, let's take a moment to recap 2010, shall we?...

Started 2010 with good friends, dancing, and lots of laughing. Madison turns 5! Work, work, work... RAISE! Dating. Cross Canadian Ragweed concert. Birthday Party! Barons games. The Masters. Sara & Josh's wedding (finally!). Hanging out in Auburn. Going to New Orleans alone. Not dating. Put a contract on a house! New clients = new friends. Closing! Work trips to Destin/Mobile/Fairhope/Orange Beach. Dad's army retirement. More work. CBC Women's Retreat. Back2Church Sunday. Dating again. Atrox! Not dating again. Vacation to DC! Lakyn turns 2! Josh visits. Jonathan visits. Lots more work. Jillian is born! Thanksgiving. Christmas. Devin visits. Big fights. Little victories...

And a partridge in a pear tree. (I feel like we need a moment of silence.)

So despite my apathy, I have determined that 2011 should be a good year. My friend Valerie told me once that my 20's just weren't my time. So, here's hoping that my 30's are my time... 'cause it's about time for it to be my time! So here are my resolutions...

1. Lose 30 pounds in honor of (and maybe in spite of?) my 30th birthday.

2. Begin to accept and celebrate people for who they actually are (instead of who I wished they would be).

3. Learn to balance my life better. (A balanced woman of God sees herself as valuable, gifted, responsible for her own growth and maturity - not overly dependent on anyone to get her through life or to make her secure.)

4. Stop being afraid to love. (EEK! Maybe I'll just take my chances with the weight loss...)

It's a new year. It's time for take life for what it is... and it's time to actually start living my life instead of just working my way through it. 2010 is gone... I can't get it back. I can't change it now. Some of the people who were in my life in 2010 aren't in my life as I begin 2011, and I'm sure that 2011 will bring it's own challenges, accomplishments, victories, and defeats. I know that every experience God gives me, every person He puts in my life, is the perfect preparation for a future that only He can see. So here's hoping for a great year... my 30th.

The Loneliness of Leadership

2010-12-02T11:31:00.002-06:00

There is a dark and uncomfortable reality to leadership that never makes it into the glossy brochure. It's a reality that every leader experiences; it's hidden deep down in places leaders don't like to talk about at parties. That reality is this: leadership can be excruciatingly lonely.

The ministry I lead is in the midst of challenges. Energy is lagging. The group is tired. Attendance has gotten lax. Pressure is mounting. Momentum is a fondly remembered feeling of the past. And everyone is looking to me to re-energize the team, encourage attendance and commitment, and alleviate all the pressure. And the reality is, that place is a very lonely and challenging place to be.

Loneliness, whether real or imagined, can be discouraging, alientating and destructive to any ministry, but it's up to you (as the leader) to determine how to handle it. Leadership (in any capacity) is great when everything is going well, but it gets lonely blindingly fast when challenges are introduced. (For those of you who have ever led anything in your life, you know that challenges are introduced after about .018 seconds, and so you know that loneliness can set in pretty quickly.) You try to give it your best effort, to lead during the good times and during the challenging ones, but you know that you're only human and there's only so much you can do. Your group members seem to expect that you have unlimited energy, unlimited resources, and unlimited ideas.

So you're left with a choice: Keep up the charade or admit that you're a broken, limited human. (And believe me, I didn't like the choices much either, even while I typed those words.) But either way, the decision is entirely yours (and mine, as the case may be), and that's a very lonely place to live.

James put it this way: Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. Wow. This is definitely one of those verses that's a lot easier to read than to apply. But sometimes, when you find yourself in the depths of loneliness, all you can do is trust God to apply it for you.

The flip side of this is in examining our own relationships with those who are leading us. We begin to see how easy it is to expect our own leaders to know when we're struggling and when we need help. Those that are leading us, though, are often stretched themselves... and can only do so much. We expect our leaders to have the answers, and we feel a deeper sense of loneliness when they don't. We feel lonely when they issue challenge instead of encouragement. We feel lonely because we're doing to them to very thing that others are doing to us. We expect our leaders to have all the answers the same way that those we're leading expect that we can solve every problem.

Being a leader is hard. A lot harder... and sometimes a lot more... than we thought we signed up for. And it can be lonely. Excruciatingly, devastatingly lonely. We think that people are going to line up and applaud us, but more often than not, they're lined up with more problems, more complaints, and more needs. But even with these challenges, leadership (in any capacity) is a deep and holy calling. So stay the course. Finish the race. Consider it pure joy.

Do You Believe in Magic?

2010-11-04T09:58:00.004-05:00

It's my favorite time of year!! The first part of November feels a little like that time between sleeping and waking... that part where you still remember dreaming. It's the time between hot, sticky summer days and cool, breezy autumn afternoons. It's the time when you take the backroads to work just so you can see the yellows and reds of the leaves on the trees and watch the ones that have already fallen off bluster all around in your rearview mirror when you drive past. It's the time where the Halloween parties are over, the costumes and the decorations have been put away, and yet it's still not quite time to get into the hustle and bustle of the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. It's absolutely perfect! God made this time of year just for me!

But since so many of you are gearing up to go full-speed into the holidays, I thought I'd take a minute to share something with my friends out there that are parents of kids who are at the age where the magic of Christmas is beginning to wane. I have a friend living in Maryland who has 2 children - Lucy, 9 and Alice, 5 - and early last year, Lucy busted the Tooth Fairy wide open. My friend knew it wouldn't be long before Santa Claus was similarly exposed, and she struggled for months with what she would say to Lucy when the subject of the false Santa came up. What she says here is pure parental magic, and it's a wonderful way for parents to expose the real Santa without losing the magic of Christmas... and more importantly, keeping the secret under wraps for younger children. Here's what she wrote on her blog last year:

A few months back, the Tooth Fairy got busted. She left a note for Alice up on her computer, and Lucy figured the whole business out. The Tooth Fairy cursed her need to write notes in elaborate fonts and tried to come up with a cover story, but it didn't fool Lucy. To her credit, Lucy has kept the secret from her little sister, who still hasn't lost a tooth and deserves to wake up with money under her pillow.

But the Tooth Fairy knew it couldn't be long before Santa was similarly unmasked. She didn't know when or how, but she knew the days of magic in her house, at least magic of a certain sort, were coming to an end. And the Tooth Fairy - by which I mean myself - was pretty darned sad about the inevitable, which finally arrived last week.

Lucy and I have been exchanging notes since the school year started. We've talked about all sorts of things - sports, books we'd like to read, adventures we'd like to have, even stories from when I was in third grade. For the most part, though, it's been light, casual stuff. Until last week.

I NEED TO KNOW, she wrote using capital letters for emphasis. ARE YOU SANTA? TELL ME THE TRUTH.

What do you do when your kid asks for the truth? You tell it of course, doing your best to figure out a way to keep at least some of the magic intact. So here's what I wrote:

Dear Lucy,

Thank you for your letter. You asked a very good question: "Are you Santa?"

I know you've wanted the answer to this question for a long time, and I've had to give it careful thought to know just what to say.

The answer is no. I am not Santa. There is no one Santa.

I am the person who fills your stockings with presents though. I also choose and wrap the presents under the tree, the same way my mom did for me, and the same way her mom did for her. (And yes, Daddy helps too.) I imagine you will someday do this for your children, and I know you will love seeing them run down the stairs on Christmas morning. You will love seeing them sit under the tree, their small faces lit with Christmas lights.

This won't make you Santa, though.

Santa is bigger than any person, and his work has gone on longer than any of us have lived. What he does is simple, but it is powerful. He teaches children how to have belief in something that they can't see or touch.

It's a big job, and it's an important one. Throughout your life, you will need this capacity to believe: in yourself, in your friends, in your talents, in your family and in God. You'll also need to believe in things you can't measure or hold in your hand. Here, I am talking about love, that great power that will light your life from the inside out, even during its darkest, coldest moments.

Santa is a teacher and I have been his student, and now you know the secret of how he gets down all those chimneys on Christmas Eve: he has help from all the people whose hearts he's filled with joy. With full hearts, people like Daddy and me take turns helping Santa do a job that would otherwise be impossible.

So, no. I am not Santa. Santa is love and magic and happiness. I'm on his team and now you are too.

I love you and I always will,

Mama

How Bad Do You Want It?

2010-10-21T11:14:00.003-05:00

It's been a long time since I've written. It had to be that way so I could blow off some steam, figure things out, sort out my thoughts. For months and months now, I have struggled with being single, being lonely, and learning to trust God to be my safe place. I have become tough and independent and strong and wise. I have buried myself in mountains of work and church and leisure activities, trips with friends, volunteering, dating... I have been running. And why not? It's what I do best.

I have never felt closer to God and still farther away in all my life. Sometimes I get so righteous, wondering why God is still withholding something so precious to me when I'm trying my best to do things the right way. (And for what it's worth, I've tried doing things the wrong way to with no different results.) And then I feel guilty and throw myself into work at the church and into doing the right things and being on good behavior, thinking that more religion is just what I need. And I couldn't be more wrong.

I don't need more religion. I need more revival.

And isn't that true for all of us? As Christians we like the warm fuzzy feeling we get from going to church and singing some songs and listening intently to a sermon, sometimes even going so far as to scribble a few notes down on a scrap piece of paper that we stuff away in the 3rd chapter of the book of John and never read again. We attend on Sunday mornings on our best behavior, saying all the right things, praying for revival, and then go home. We pat ourselves on the back for being such good, obedient Christians. We mean well, don't we? Yet I've never seen good intentions set a man free.

I am convinced now more than ever that what's wrong with America and with the churches in America and with the Christians in America is not the economy. It's not politics. It's not poor schools or high taxes. It's not gambling. It's not drinking and drugs. It's not trade policies, wars, or child abuse. It's the APATHY of the Christians in America.

What has happened to the power of God? Did we stop believing in it? Did we stop claiming it? There is nothing more frustrating to me right now than the people of God trying to do the work of God without the power of God! How much longer can we go on like this?! How many more empty prayers can we lift up, asking God to send revival to us but never once truly committing to what it takes to do that? Asking God to revive our churches and restore our country isn't enough! It's not enough just to say the right things and play the right parts and I AM FURIOUS! I. HAVE. HAD. ENOUGH.

We are called to be above reproach yet we spend countless hours entrenched in judgment of others who don't measure up to standards we feel like God would approve of. We get our feelings hurt if someone sits in our seat or if the pastor doesn't shake our hand or if we don't like the music. We would rather complain and bellyache about what's wrong with the people of the church instead of doing the one thing we're called to do - love them. Unconditionally. No matter what.

See, it doesn't matter to Jesus who someone is or who they were. It only matters to Him who they could be. He sees past the past, so I can't understand why Christians can't do the same. Quit the complaining and the judgment and just accept people for who they are - warts and all. We can't expect that God is going to rain power and revival down on us by sitting in a service on Sunday, seething with disappointment or judgment or worse - self-righteousness. He's not going to love you any more because you showed up or brought your Bible. And how quickly most of us have forgotten where we came from ourselves.

Addiction. Bitterness. Anger. Self-righteousness. Complacency. Adultery. Lying. Cheating. Stealing. Coveting. Disrepect. Disenchantment. Malice. Rudeness, lewdness, and crudeness. Jesus saves. So why are we so quick to judge those we deem "not good enough"? Is it because our reliance on religion has replaced our need for revival?

How bad do you want it?

My dad taught me a long time ago that whenever you want something badly enough, you'll do just about whatever it takes to get it. If you want a new car, you save. If you want a new job, you schmooze. If you want a new girlfriend, you pursue. But how do we ask God for revival? By robbing Him of His tithes, by disappointing Him with lackluster worship, and by forgetting the very mess He rescued us from in the first place.

It's time to make up our minds, folks. We can't move forward by stradling the fence and we can't reach people for Jesus by pretending to be what we're not. We can't complete our destiny by divorcing our past. Either we want it or we don't. It's that simple.

The next time you're in church on a Sunday morning and you stand to sing another song or sit down to listen to another sermon, maybe you should start to remember. Remember who He is. Remember what He's done. And then ask yourself... how bad do you want it?

I Know the Heart of Life is Good

2010-03-29T22:01:00.003-05:00

It's March. And the only thing I have in my head right now is that old country song "Time Marches On." I think Tracy Lawrence sung it? Anyway, for whatever reason all I can think about are the lyrics to the chorus... South moves north. North moves south. A star is born. A star burns out. The only thing that stays the same is everything changes. Everything changes... So true, Tracy. So true.

Everything changes. And usually it's those very things that you're clinging to the tightest... the ones that you so desperately wish would always stay the same... are the very ones that change the most.

There are so many things that I wish I could say to so many people. Things that would make them understand. Things that would explain my actions. Things that would explain my non-actions. But part of my problem has always been that I felt like words should be able to make people understand. And we all know that's not usually the case. Sometimes your actions... or your inactions... make people understand far more than words ever could.

My whole life I feel like I've been waiting for that one big moment. The moment that I know without a doubt that I love someone more deeply than I ever have before and ever will again. The moment when I know that no matter what happens, everything is going to turn out alright. But the more life I live, the more I realize that maybe there really is no big moment. Maybe love is not something that happens in one big moment. Or maybe it's my own fear that keeps me running from the big moments...

How do you explain when something that seems so perfect just doesn't feel right? How do you tell someone you love that the series of actions... and inactions... have made up a past that can't be overcome in the future? How do you decide to move on with someone new... someone with the potential to break your heart all over again? And how do you begin to decipher the fine line between politeness and sincerity?

Everything changes. A person I once thought would complete my life... doesn't. A person I once thought would change for me... won't. And a person I once thought would create that one big moment... hasn't.

So maybe life shouldn't be spent waiting for that one big moment. Maybe it's not the whirlwind trips or grand promises that make love great. Maybe the best we can hope for is someone who makes us laugh, someone who forces us to dream, someone who inspires us to become more. And maybe... just maybe... it's the small, everyday romances that are sometimes the most promising...

Buckets of Hope

2010-02-18T15:17:00.002-06:00

Wow! It's been a loooooonng time since I've written, and although I've neglected my blog recently, I'm turning to it now to get the message out about a program called "Buckets of Hope." Read on...

By now we all know about the devastation in Haiti... the massive earthquake and the huge aftershocks have left most of the country in turmoil. Although the physical damage is extensive, the emotional damage could last a lifetime for many. While the country is healing, they need help... not from people with money (although that DOES help)... but from people with a compassionate heart.

I feel like I might should include a bit of a qualifier here, before I get to my blog. I DO NOT think it is an OBLIGATION that the people of the United States provide aid to Haiti. There are some of you out there, and I do not judge you if you are one of these people... but there are some of you who will read this and will be condescending at the very thought that anyone would ask you to help someone less fortunate than you. There are some of you who will read this and will truly believe with all your heart that you aren't going to help the people of Haiti - by all regards a 3rd world country - because you feel like they should be smart enough and strong enough to help themselves. If you happen to be one of those people, PLEASE read no further.

I sometimes have a hard time with the grace of God. (I know that statement may seem unrelated, but stay with me here because it really is important.) I have a hard time accepting God's grace into my life. I have a hard time admitting that I might need the help of someone infinitely wiser than me. I want to GIVE charity... not BE charity. But the problem with this is that at some point in my life, I had to come to the conclusion that I am God's charity case. And it's humiliating. And I use that word - humiliating - purposefully. Merriam-Webster's Dictionary defines humiliating as "extremely destructive to one's self-respect or dignity." And that's SO TRUE. But I had to be humiliated to realize that my own thoughts of myself weren't nearly as good as the thoughts that God thinks about me. And the moment that I chose to believe what He thinks about me rather than what I think about myself, I had to accept God's charity. I needed him to completely save my life.

So this post is meant for those of you who are, like me, living on God's charity...

The "Buckets of Hope" ministry came out of the Haiti Response Partnership between the Florida Baptist Convention, the International Mission Board, the Baptist Global Response, and the Southern Baptist Disaster Relief. Whether or not you're a baptist... or whether or not you agree with baptists... this program has been designed to provide relief to a group of people who desperately need God's charity... and He tells us in Matthew 25:45 that whatever we do for the least of these - for those whose standard of living is so far beneath us that we sometimes wonder how they even exist... for those who have not yet discovered the strength or the ambition or the creativity to make a life comparable to our own - whatever we do for them, we do for Him.

A "Bucket of Hope" is a five-gallon plastic bucket packed with pre-determined food products that will sustain one Haitian family for an entire week. For approximately $40, you can purchase the bucket and food and include the shipping charge to have a bucket delivered to a family in Haiti.

The Bucket:
The bucket should be a 5-gallon plastic bucket with a tight-fitting lid and a handle, and it should be new and unused with no logos or commercial markings on the outside. You can buy buckets like this at Lowe's or Home Depot for about $5... or you can try your local Wal-Mart bakery. Their cake icing comes shipped in these buckets, and they clean and re-sell them for $1 each.

The Food:
Any of this food can be generic or store-brand items. Once the food is used, Haitian families will be able to use the plastic bucket for a variety of everyday things - everything from collecting water to doing laundry. PLEASE DO NOT SUBSTITUTE ANY ITEM LISTED AND DO NOT ADD ANY ADDITIONAL ITEMS INSIDE THE BUCKET!

2 - 5 lb. bags of long grain enriched rice
1 - 48 oz. plastic bottle of cooking oil
1 - 2 gallon plastic ziplock storage bag (to wrap the bottle of cooking oil)
2 - 2 lb. bags of dry black or red beans
1 - 5 lb. bag of all-purpose flour (NOT self-rising)
1 - 20 oz. cylinder container of granulated white sugar (used for coffee)
2 - 1 lb. boxes of spaghetti noodles
1 - 40 oz. plastic jar of smooth peanut butter

Packing Instructions:

PRAY FOR THE HAITIAN FAMILY WHO WILL RECEIVE YOUR BUCKET!
Lay the bucket on its side.
Place the rice packages in the bucket. Lay bags side-by-side, flat, running in the direction from top to bottom in the bucket. Gently compress the bags (without breaking them!) as flat as possible to create room for the other items.
Place the bottle of oil inside a clean, unused 2 gallon storage bag, compress the air out, wrap the excess portion of the bag tightly around the bottle, and close. (This is just a precaution to protect the food should there be a leak or break in the bottle during transport.)
Lay the bottle of oil on top of the rice bags. Lay the wrapped container so that the bottom of the bottle is at the bottom of the bucket and is approximately in the center of the bucket.
Place the peanut butter jar on one side of the oil.
Place the cylinder of sugar on top of the wrapped oil bottle.
Place the boxes of spaghetti noodles on the other side of the oil.
While holding the sugar and peanut butter containers in place, stand the bucket upright.
Place one bag of beans down along the inside of the bucket next to the peanut butter.
Place the bag of flour on its side on top of the peanut butter, gently packing down the flour bag to clear the rim of the bucket.
Place the second bag of beans next to the flour.
Close the lid on the bucket and make sure it snaps securely.
Place $10 check made out to STATE BOARD OF MISSIONS in a SEALED ENVELOPE and attach to the top of the bucket.
Take the filled "Bucket of Hope" to your area collection center by March 5, 2010. For a complete list of collection sites, please visit www.alsbom.org/haiti. If you can't get it to a collection site from wherever you are, contact me and I will find a way to get it where it needs to go!

I'm not one to really be a huge advoate for asking people to spend their money, but... this is a phenomenal program to provide food to people who HAD nothing and now have even less. I am PLEADING with everyone who reads this to find a way to make a bucket. If this isn't up your alley or if the location is a problem or if you just want to try something different, I am encourage you to look into www.ahomeinhaiti.org, a mission to provide tents for displaced residents of Haiti.

COME ON FRIENDS! Get involved! I am literally BEGGING you, and that's a rarity for me. (I don't beg.) But I am humiliating myself to help these people. For the same amount of money I would spend on a nice night out, I can provide an entire week's worth of food for a family in need. The decision has already been made. I pledge that I will send a bucket full of hope.

Maybe I'll send two.

Life's Like an Hourglass Glued to the Table...

2009-12-28T13:29:00.002-06:00

Is it really time again for reflection on another year passed? It's hard to believe that the month, the year, AND the decade are all coming to a close at the same time! So many things have happened - not just this year, but this entire decade! I think the close of every year is met with just a little bit of shock and awe at the ways in which we've all grown closer or grown wiser or grown up or grown apart.

It's all about the growing, really... that's why we're still here. Each year we have new opportunities to heal or to help or to forgive or to make amends. Or we have bridges that need to be burned, past hurts that need to be buried, regrets that need to be remedied. And with every new happiness, every new tear, every new joy, every new pain... we grow. We become someone just a little bit different than we were before. Contrary to what most of us choose to believe, people really do change. And as long as I'm here on this earth, I will continue to believe that people change just a little bit every day. It might not always be in ways that we can see... or even in ways that we agree with... but there's always change.

I have grown in a lot of ways this year... my career has grown into something I never dreamed I would be doing... and that I never dreamed I would love this much. I have learned that it's very easy for me to validate myself by my performance at work. I relish the opportunity to be important in the eyes of my clients and coworkers. I have tucked myself into a wonderful caccoon of job security. And, at times, I have forgotten what life is really like. Career is an interesting animal.

(Disclaimer: I don't use the term "necessary evil" because while I do believe that work is necessary, I don't think it's an "evil." I don't think any of us would be any happier, better, more successful people if we didn't HAVE to work. I think work is a growth all its own. Work is an opportunity to find a place for yourself, find something you're good at, and decide WHO you want to be when the going gets tough. It teaches us patience and tolerance for others, perseverance, dedication, grace under pressure and how to handle tough decisions and honest mistakes. And for the record, I don't think you have to work outside the home to learn these things. But I do think all of these qualities are BUILT by working hard at SOMETHING, whether that be raising kids or even playing sports.)

I have also recognized a lot of failures this year... failed relationships, failed tests of character, failed communication... poor decisions, poor circumstances, poor choices. But I don't think any year is ever any easier than the one before. Sometimes we are presented with an opportunity and sometimes we create an opportunity. Sometimes we say the right thing and sometimes we mean to say the right thing. Sometimes we judge and sometimes we let it slide.

I think, for the most part, we all try to do and say and mean the things that are good and right and helpful. But sometimes it gets all mixed up, and there's never any indication as to which time it might be right and which time it might be wrong. Sometimes the relationships you wish you could repair can't be fixed. Sometimes the bridges you've burned can't be rebuilt. But sometimes... and you never know when or where it might happen... people change. And eventually, it might be you.

So where do I go from here? The year is coming to a close... the decisions have been made or left undecided, the bridges have been built or burned... what happens next? I can only speak for myself when I say that the only place to go from here is onward. Maybe 2010 will be the year when I can finally work a little less and spend more time with friends and family. Maybe 2010 will be the year of romance. Maybe 2010 will be the year that everything changes. But who really knows? So, with that in mind, here are my 2010 resolutions...

I, then, shall live as one who's been forgiven.
I'll walk with joy to know my debts are paid.
I know my name is clear before my Father;
I am His child, and I'll not be afraid.
So greatly pardoned, I'll forgive my brother.
The law of love, I gladly will obey.

I, then, shall live as one who's learned compassion.
I've been so loved that I'll risk loving too.
I know how fear builds walls instead of bridges;
I'll dare to see another's point of view.
And when relationships demand commitment,
Then I'll be there to care and follow through.

Your kingdom come around and through and in me;
Your power and glory, let them shine through me.
Your Hallowed name, may I bear with honor,
And may Your living kingdom come in me.
The Bread of Life, may I share with honor,
And may You feed a hungry world through me.

It Might Start Now

2009-11-12T10:18:00.004-06:00

What is it about music that pulls at our emotions so much? Why is it that we can find one song and listen to it over and over and over without so much as one ounce of boredom? I'm a self-proclaimed music junkie... I love it. Can't get enough. And then I'll find a song that digs way inside and sinks its claws in. It pulls up emotions that I buried long ago. And it stirs new ones that I didn't even know I had. I guess that's the great mystery of music. Somehow, someway, someone has found a way to express for us what we weren't sure we even needed to...

Hello world, hope you're listening.
Forgive me if I'm young,
Speaking out of turn.
There's someone I've been missing.
I think that they could be
The better half of me.
They're in the wrong place
Trying to make it right,
But I'm tired of justifying.
So I say to you...

Come home.
Come home...
'Cause I've been waiting for you
For so long,
For so long.
Right now there's a war between the vanities,
But all I see is you and me.
And the fight for you is all I've ever known.
So come home.

I get lost in the beauty
Of everything I see.
The world ain't half as bad
As they paint it to be.
If all the sons,
All the daughters,
Stopped to take it in,
Hopefully the hate subsides
And the love can begin.
It might start now, yeah,
Or maybe I'm just dreaming out loud.
But until then...

Come home.
Come home...
'Cause I've been waiting for you
For so long,
For so long.
Right now there's a war between the vanities
But all I see is you and me
And the fight for you is all I've ever known...
Ever known...
So come home.

Everything I can't be
Is everything you should be,
And that's why I need you here.
Everything I can't be
Is everything you should be,
And that's why I need you here.
So hear this now...

Come home.
Come home...
'Cause I've been waiting for you
For so long,
For so long.
Right now there's a war between the vanities,
But all I see is you and me.
And the fight for you is all I've ever known.
So come home.

["Come Home" by OneRepublic & Sara Bareilles]

I have learned to not emote every much. (Emote... is that the right word?) Anyway, I have gotten VERY good at "content" and "pleasant." But I'm not big on showing "weak," "afraid," "unhappy," or even "malcontent." (Oooh... I'm am on top of my vocabulary today.) I don't like to feel those things... so when I do, I don't want anyone to know it. I don't want anyone to accuse me of losing my direction or my joy. It's just that lately I've realized that I have everything I need and most everything I want. And what does someone do when they have everything?

I have gotten so good at "content" and "pleasant" that it seems like I've forgotten how to feel much of anything else. I'm not even sure if it's normal to question happiness, but sometimes I miss those other emotions. I miss the fiery anger I used to feel when I discovered an injustice. I miss the miserable yearning I used to feel when I had to say goodbye. But most of all I miss the butterflies.

You know... the butterflies. The way your heart skips a beat when he enters a room. The tummy-rumbling nerves that sneak in when he says something you've been waiting to hear. The anxious tension that you could cut with a knife while you're waiting. I miss it. All of it.

It's a running joke between me and J Mac that I'm a "relationship sabotager." I have a hard time with commitment... but only because I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between politeness and sincerety. But the problem with relationship sabotage is that it lets me off the hook. And I don't want to be let off anyone's hook anymore because I might get the notion that it's OK to keep running. Everything in my life has led me to right now, and the last thing I want or need or deserve is to be let off anybody's hook.

I miss the REAL emotions. The ones that are so real that they've kept me constantly moving, mostly running from them, never ready for them. I'm almost ready. But until then, I'll wait for someday soon.

Fresh, Clear, Well-Seasoned Perspective

2009-10-27T10:30:00.002-05:00

Can you suggest a good wine to go with that?

Perspective is a funny thing. It never comes when you need it most, that's for sure. The dictionary defines "perspetive" as "one's point of view." I don't know that I necessarily agree with that. Or maybe I do... stay with me, folks. This is a bumpy one...

A wise man once said that opinions are like butts. Everybody has one and they all stink. Hmmm... an outrageous metaphor, but so true. Most of us spend our entire lives trying to develop our own system of beliefs... our own opinions... our unique perspective, if you will. We follow politics and try to form some opinion of what's right and wrong with our government. We join sororities and fraternities and civic clubs to form opinions about the programs and causes that are most important. We choose our friends based on who most thinks like us. We cheer for a certain sports team because that's who mom or dad or husband or wife cheers for. We deal with trials and tribulations, successes and failures, based on friends we know who have already been there and done that. But how many of us are really forming a unique perspective?

Fresh, clear, well-seasoned perspective.

I would venture to go so far as to say that none of us have a unique perspective. I don't think that any human ever has. Our beliefs and opinions... our perspective... is so often formed by people we perceive to be wiser or smarter or more popular than we are. But perception is a great deceiver... sometimes our perception is spot-on, and sometimes it couldn't be father from the truth. And anything that unreliable shouldn't be wholly trusted.

I will even go even further to say that we as humans are almost totally incapable of forming a unique perspective. Everything we believe or don't believe is based on the beliefs or the un-beliefs of something or someone before us. Please don't misunderstand me... I don't mean to sound like all humans are merely mindless lemmings, incapable of personal thought development or of gaining wisdom through personal experience. I only mean to say that we tend to base what we believe on something other than ourselves.

So, now I make my hypthesis... my geometry-inspired "If-Then Statement" (Mrs. Tanner would be so proud...)... IF we as humans are incapable of forming our own unique opinions and perspective... and IF we draw our opinions from others... THEN it should stand to reason that we should adopt the opinions and perspective of someone or something COMPLETELY INFALLABLE.

And there's the rub. No matter how wise or experienced or popular someone may be, their mistakes are all just as costly as ours. It's insanity, really, the amount of trust we put in people that we perceive to be better than us in some way. There's only one human who has ever been or ever will be on earth who is completely infallable. Only one has never made a mistake or a bad choice or a hasty decision. Only one is infinitely wise, infinitely good, infinitely experienced, and infinitely popular... and yet we put our trust in so many other than the One.

I spent lots of time conforming my opinions to the opinions of others that I felt could advance me somehow. I picked a political party. I joined a social club or two. I went to a popular college. I listened to music that made me fit in with one group or another. I went to church and then I didn't. I dated a certain guy while not even considering another. And I did all of this... I formed my entire existence around what others thought or said or believed. And for years I felt that, somehow, I didn't quite belong anywhere.

And that's when He said, "Blair, don't you get it? You belong with me."

And it was life-altering. Not so much because I made new friends or chose a different career or dropped out of my clubs. It was life-altering because I can now form my beliefs and my opinions... my perspective... out of the perspective of the One who is infinitely wiser than I could ever dream. Jesus warns me so many times in the Bible to not be deceived by my own perspective...

Every brother is a deceiver and every friend a slanderer... Jeremiah 9:5
The pride of your heart has deceived you... Obadiah 1:2
Watch out that no one deceives you... Matthew 24:4
If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself... Galatians 6:3
Let no one deceive you with empty words... Ephesians 5:6
I tell you this so that no one may deceive you with a good argument... Colossians 2:4
Don't be deceived... James 1:16

And on and on it goes. Don't be deceived by what others are saying. Don't blindly accept someone's opinion as fact. Don't do something just because someone you love is doing it. You are His beloved, called by His name. Don't worry. He has a plan that was made just for you. Adopt His perspective as your own. Don't be afraid to seem unimportant in the eyes of people. Choose instead to be famous in the secret audience of the One who sees and understands it all.

Lord, it's with an honest reverence
That I come into Your presence,
Whispering the Name that calms all fear.
And I'm filled with such emotion
At Your mercy and devotion -
To think that You would come
And meet me here.

Lord, I tremble
At the very thought of Calvary
Where You chose me over life
And You suffered willingly.
Lord, I tremble
At the way I'm undeserving
Of the love You came to give
And Your blood that makes me worthy.
Lord, I tremble.

My Jesus is an Auburn Fan

2009-10-13T16:54:00.003-05:00

Don't laugh! This is serious! It's been almost an entire month since my last post, so I've had plenty of time to figure this one out. Stay with me...

Team sports have always intrigued me. I participated in just about every sport imaginable when I was younger... softball, basketball, cheerleading, gymnastics, volleyball, newcomb (does this count as a sport?). Anyway, I'm a big fan of team sports. I love the competition, the adrenaline rush of a close game, the comraderie of a team trying to win. It's exhilarating. That's why I came to the conclusion that Jesus must be a fan of team sports too...

I love Auburn football. In fact, I just love Auburn in general. And everyone I know that went to Auburn has the same love and awe and respect for it. And no two loves are alike. Auburn is not just a school or a town or even a football team. It's a family. On the first day of orientation, you're welcomed into the "Auburn family." It's a special kind of relationship...

And thus, football Saturdays are kind of like a family reunion. It doesn't matter how long you've been away or whether or not you accomplished all you set out to do. Even people who are team non-committal find themselves caught up in the rush of cheering a team along. People come from all across the country, sporting team colors and wielding masses of tiger tails and team shakers... and all for the same reason: TO BE A PART OF SOMETHING SPECIAL. It's true. Most people don't love Auburn because of the great football program. They don't love Auburn because of its stellar academics. They love Auburn because they're a part of something special... a special bond between a place and a group of people. People love the relationship.

So Jesus MUST be an Auburn fan... or at least I bet He can identify.

Jesus is all about relationship. He's all about that lovin' feelin'. He doesn't care where you come from or what you're wearing. He doesn't care if you tithe enough or if you are worshiping a certain way. It doesn't matter if you follow a set of rules or if you know all the books of the Bible. It doesn't matter to Him how long you've been away or whether or not you've accomplished everything you should have. What matters to Him is that you come. He wants to be a part of something special with you. Jesus isn't about rules or priorities or expectations; He's about relationship.

I've come to the conclusion that the things that people are jealous of aren't things. People are jealous of relationships. People crave that lovin' feelin'. People desperately want to be a part of something special. It's why they love Auburn and will defend it no matter what. It's why people who don't care anything about sports will find themselves in a borrowed Auburn t-shirt to go to a game with a friend. And it's why Auburn fans will wear crimson and white to a game with a friend in order to be a part of the team. Those people don't love the crimson and white team... they love the relationship their friend has with the team or the school or even the crowd. It's overwhelming. And it's contagious.

And shouldn't it be with Jesus so much more? If we're truly living in a special relationship with Him... and if people are jealous of the best relationships... shouldn't we be pointing people to Him by our very disposition? Jesus is especially fond of me. And he's especially fond of you. He loves each of us completely and completely differently. And my Jesus is an Auburn fan.

Not Me! Monday...

2009-09-14T15:54:00.002-05:00

If you read MckMama's blog My Charming Kids, then I'm sure you're aware of the fun of Not Me! Mondays. It's been a wild couple of weeks... and here's a list of things that I did not do...

It was not me who came up with a lame excuse so I could leave work 3 hours early and go to Hobby Lobby and browse the Christmas ornament aisles. Not me! I would never do something so deceitful... especially when Christmas is still almost 4 months away.

It was also not me who went by Full Moon BBQ last night and ordered a half dozen cookies (and nothing else) for dinner last night because I was too lazy to cook anything else. Nope. Not me! I always find something healthy and nutritious to make myself for dinner. Besides, my mother taught me that you can't eat only cookies for dinner... and I always do what mother says.

And it was not me who sat behind her desk with her pants unbuttoned all day because they were too tight (...probably from not eating the aforementioned half dozen cookies). No way! Not me! I would never stoop so low just to squeeze into a pair of last year's pants that should still fit.

And since we're not confessing, it was certainly not me who took an entire day off work on Friday to prepare for a party that was cancelled. Not me! If I cancelled a party, I would be responsible and go to work instead of wasting an entire day eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch and watching HGTV.

Anyone want to share your Not Me! moments??

Disturb Us, Lord

2009-09-10T16:27:00.002-05:00

Can you believe it's September?? With every passing month, I become more and more aware of all the things I meant to do or be or become. It seems like every time I post again, I'm filling the first paragraph with apologies for not writing like I should and with excuses about how busy I am. This week I have finally! realized that everyone's busy. No one's life is any less important than mine, even though sometimes my actions (and my driving) may prove otherwise. So, onward and upward...

I came across this unbelieveable poem this week and fell on my face with conviction. Read it first. I'll explain afterwards...

Disturb us, Lord, when
We are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.
We ask You to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.
[Sir Francis Drake]

If you read that and felt nothing, then I pity you. How many times a day, a week, a month... a lifetime?... do we sail too closely to the shore, never once leaving our comfy, warm life to meet with Jesus on the raging sea? How many times have I fallen in love with my own life and neglected to remember the very reason for life itself? How many times have I been satisfied with what I have, never once believing that there was anything better to dare to dream for? How many of us are working diligently to create a new, better world to live in but forget that this earth is merely a temporary tent of a home? Oh the things we could accomplish if we could only remember!!

I can't remember a day when I wasn't at least kind of afraid. Looking back at so many of my posts over the course of the past year, fear seems to be an underlying theme. And the funny part is that I don't have an overwhelming volume of conscious fear. But I could speak volumes about my unconscious fears. It's small fear... fear that I don't always know I possess. It's the small fear that keeps holding me back, day after precious day.

I don't have many regrets in life. I think that most people say that they don't have regrets because mistakes only make you stronger, build character, or bring you to where you are today. And while I think I belive that, I can't honestly say that I don't have any regrets. Anyone who says they don't have any regrets suffers from one of two things: 1) denial or 2) miracles. Anyone who has no regrets has never been faced with the fact that someone's very life might have been in your hands and you blew it because you were afraid.

I suffer from a particularly terrifying fear of not being liked. It is closely linked to my struggle with fear of failure. I have convinced myself that being well-liked is in direct correlation to being successful. In other words, the more liked I am by people, the more I will succeed. If you really think that statement through, it's not entirely untrue. Or uncommon. These fears were particularly successful in the winter of 2006. I very well might have held someone's life in my hands, and I didn't follow-up, I didn't check in, I didn't encourage. And all because I was afraid. I was afraid that a group of teenagers might think I was (gasp!) uncool and that if I was (gasp!) uncool that I would be unsuccessful. I have never let that experience leave me for fear that history might repeat itself. All I can hope is that a seed was planted and that God handled the things that I so royally messed up. I won't know this side of heaven.

I know that I am usually writing about Godly singleness, and I won't leave out that part because it all works together. My fears of failure and of not being liked have affected me there too. I shut people out, shut them down before I can fail, before I discover that they may not like me. But what I have realized in all my rants about why God has left me single for so long is this: It doesn't really matter.

That's right. It doesn't really matter why I'm single. It wouldn't really matter if I wasn't. My goal here would be the same. God picked me and created me with a voice, with a purpose. Sometimes it doesn't seem as evident as it does right now... but today I will choose to follow through. I can't tell you why me... why I was picked to live this life and why you were picked to live yours. But we all have something Godly to offer, and every life is connected to every other. What I do or don't do affects people in ways that I can't fully understand. But Jesus understood. He understood the consequences of the cross long before I could have even questioned his decision. My life is connected to His, just as my life is now connected to yours through this blog.

So my prayer today is just that He will disturb me. I want Him to disturb me in my comfort. I want Him to disturb me in my nonchalance. I want Him to disturb me in my complacency. I want Him to disturb me in my spiritual piety. I want Him to disturb me to dream bigger... to leave the safety of shore to meet Him on the raging sea. Because you can't walk on water if you never leave the boat...

Girls: The Mystery Unveiled - Part 2

2009-08-19T21:58:00.002-05:00

"Sometimes it's hard to be a woman..." -Tammy Wynette

If you missed Part One, go back and read it. Because now we're on to Part Two.

In all honesty, I might be skipping about 1 million other topics that might should have gone in front of this one, but this is on my heart and is so overlooked that I don't feel the series can continue until this is out in the open.

In Part Two of Andy Merrick's series Why Guys Aren't Asking You Out, he mentions that guys aren't asking girls out because of their vast immaturity. (OK, OK. Yes, he said immaturity. I added the vast part. Sue me.) Anyway, the funny thing is, most girls aren't lonely because guys aren't asking them out. Girls are lonely because they're waaaaaay out of touch with their hearts. Yes, I'll explain. Read on...

Sorry Tammy, there's no sometimes about it... it's just plain hard to be a woman. Everytime I begin to think about the woman I should be, my mind automatically drifts off to the vision of "The Proverbs 31 Woman." She's beautiful. She's sweet. She's irritatingly perfect. Her life is so busy that I wonder when she has time for a career or for friendships or for reading those trashy romance novels. Her light never goes out at night?? When does she have sex? If that was the only picture of a woman I was ever given, I could never live up to that! And I don't think that a sense of failure is very Godly at all.

I know that I am not alone in my sense of failing to live up to expectations. In fact, so many of you who read my blog have commented and sent me e-mails just to tell me stories of your insecurities or your sense of failure. It seems like the only thing common to all women is a feeling of not being good enough as a woman. And this doesn't mean we feel like a failure at what we do... we feel like a failure at who we are. We go through these insane stages of being too much and not enough at the same time... not pretty enough, not thin enough, not nice enough, not disciplined enough. But then we're too emotional, too clingy, too independent, too opinionated. It's INSANE!! And in all our trying to measure up, we've forgotten the most important thing of all - our hearts.

In the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge, they offer nuggets of wisdom that are far beyond the scope of my little blog. But they absolutely nail down the three things every woman's heart longs for: romance, adventure, and beauty. Think about the all the movies that have been so sensitively dubbed by guys as "chick flicks." Don't they include all of these things? Is there a chick flick out there that doesn't include some form of a handsome prince coming to rescue his beloved? It's the absolute truth! Most of the problems women have in relationships (and the lack thereof) stem from these three things... or rather from a lack of, perversion of, or ignorance of these three things.

The deep longings of a woman's heart have been written there by God Himself, telling us something about what it means to be a woman. Whatever it is we feel like we are - or aren't - it's important to remember that we, too, are created in the image of God as women. Genesis says "male and female He created them." So whatever our longing are, whatever our desires are, whatever we're meant to do or be... our hearts were purposefully created as a reflection of God's own heart.

Over the years, women learn to supress their deepest longings because it just doesn't seem possible. Some of these desires have long since gone unmet. Some have been assaulted... or even neglected. The result is the same... women end up living two lives. On the surface we're busy, efficient, quiet, funny, sweet, professional. We're getting by, attempting to be all things to all people. We accept dates from any man who shows an interest. But on the inside, women are losing themselves in fantasy worlds, cheap novels, food, or some other addiction that was manifested to numb the ache of our longing hearts.

So what I wish I could tell you Andy (and women everywhere) is this: women aren't lonely because guys aren't asking them out. See, I have this theory that until I find "The One," every guy I go out with will end up a jerk. But it's not because he really was a jerk... it's because my heart wasn't ready. I have spent a lot of my time working on my heart, and here's what I can offer...

Guys, if you don't know how to communicate with a girl, take this advice: Make her a priority. It really doesn't matter where the dates are or how much money you have. It doesn't matter so much about your family background or how clean your car is. What matters is how much of a priority you have made her. Girls want to be pursued (and not in that creepy-stalker sort of way), and an honest word will go a long way.

Girls, if you're not going on lots of dates, it might be time for a heart check-up. Please don't misunderstand me... I don't believe that a woman MUST have a man in order to fulfill her destiny as a woman. But I know how my single heart yearns, and I know that I'm not the only one. It's time to quit wondering why guys aren't asking us out and start identifying what our priorities are. Is it more important to go on a date... or to go on the right date with the right person? If I have to wait a few more Friday nights before Prince Godsend finds me, so be it.

So I guess that loneliness, like so many other things, is what you make it. Until next time...

Oh, the Soapbox...

2009-08-05T16:08:00.003-05:00

It's been a while, but it's that time again... time for me to get on my soapbox!! I know lots of you were expecting my next installment of "Girls: The Mystery Unveiled." I certainly have plans to do that later this week. I'm... uh... still getting my research together. (Yeah, that's it.) Anyway, here are the soapbox topics for today: Attitudes in the Workplace, Government Health Care, and Global Warming. So, without any further ado...

TOPIC 1: ATTITUDES IN THE WORKPLACE

(DISCLAIMER: I am not writing this to offend any of my workplace readers, and I cannot point fingers at anyone because I, too, am guilty of some of these offensive attitudes.)

Everyone has bad days. Believe me, I get it. There are days when everyone is stressed out. There are days when we're all sick and tired of seeing each other more than we see our families or friends. I GET IT. But here's the thing: There is a business to run, whether we like it or not. I don't always love my job. Heck, I don't always like my job. But I do like (and even love) having a job. And I like having a safe, calm, pleasant place to work.

Unfortunately that's not always the case. There are those days when tempers rear their ugly heads and everyone's walking on eggshells so as not to offend anyone and, in turn, reap the unpleasant consequences. Add the tension on top of zero staff meetings, high-stress, and an office full of women. Sounds like the Perfect Storm to me.

Not all of you work in an office full of women. Some of you work in a huge company with lots of different people around. Some of you work in restaurants or hospitals or even at home. But the thing is, ALL OF US are stressed out MOST OF THE TIME. The workplace is never ideal because it's a pretty rare thing when someone says, "You know, I really love being over-worked and under-paid. I think I'll go get me a minimum-wage, high-stress job in an office full of women (or men or lawyers or whatever else you can think of)." We don't live to work... we work to live. (You know, I actually stole that phrase from Jillian Michaels on The Biggest Loser, except I'm pretty sure she said we shouldn't live to EAT, we should EAT to live. I'm also pretty sure she's full of it.)

Anyway, to all of you out there who are just working to live... to those who have "just a job"... all I'm asking is this: Give the rest of us a break. There are actually some of us who aren't working here just to live. For some of us, this is not "just a job"... it's our career. We chose it because, in obvious contrast to your personal feelings about it, we actually like the work. Or we used to... before you starting whining and complaining about every little thing, making fun of others, or just flat-out refusing to do things that you just don't feel like doing. So while you roll in about 9am, mentally check in about noon, and leave at five, some of us don't. It might be just a job to you, but remember that the more pleasant you are, the better your references are for your next job. And don't be afraid to start looking for your perfect job... and probably sooner rather than later or else the rest of us might be tempted to throw you out a window. No offense.

TOPIC 2: GOVERNMENT HEALTH CARE

Please let me start this topic off by saying that I love rich people. They've always been nice enough to give me a job. The problem I'm having now is that there aren't going to be very many rich people left if the government can help it. Maybe that's putting it a little bluntly, but isn't that the real truth? Isn't the point of most government-sponsored programs to equalize the divide between the poor and the rich? Problem is, if we're all equal, WHO OFFERS THE JOBS??

Before you judge me, please know that I have spent a lot of my hard-earned money to provide food stamps, Medicare, and WIC to people in my own family. My opinion here is no respecter of persons. It's not that I don't want everyone to have adequate medical care; I do. I just don't think it's my job to provide it for them. I know so many of you are thinking that the government-sponsored health care program won't affect me, but you couldn't be more wrong.

I work for a small company of about 25 employees. 15 of those are independent contractors, responsible for paying their own taxes and providing themselves with their own insurance. They also make a LOT more than I do. 5 of those are part-time employees. The other 10 of us are making a lower hourly wage than many others in our same field, but we have full medical and dental insurance coverage. If the government sponsored health care plan passes, my employer will be required (not given the option) to either a) provide medical coverage to every employee equal to that which the government offers or b) pay a 6% payroll tax "to support Health Care for America" (taken from http://usgovinfo.about.com/od/healthcare/a/nathealthplan.htm).

I don't know about your employer, but we hire independent workers and part-time employees because we can't always afford to provide the high insurance premiums or the high taxes to hire folks full-time. We're a small company... you do the math. More taxes or higher insurance premiums will mean fewer jobs that can be offered. And that's not OK with me.

But wait... there's more! Here's what the program offers me and you: "For persons already covered by employer-provided health insurance, Health Care for America would virtually eliminate the suddenly very real threat of losing coverage because of layoffs." How would it do that, you ask? Well by "requiring that Americans who remain without insurance either purchase private coverage or buy into the Health Care for America Plan." Wow... so when or if you lose your job or quit working for whatever reason, your government will require that you either PURCHASE your own private insurance or PURCHASE insurance from the government. What a deal!

It scares me the length that our government will go to in order to get our money. We already are paying 20+% in income taxes, 7-10% in sales taxes, and thousands more in gasoline taxes to drive to work, ad velorum taxes to purchase a tag for our vehicle that we use to get to work, and even death taxes when we've finally had enough. It's insane! Do we even keep any of our money??

TOPIC 3: GLOBAL WARMING

I hesitate to write much on this subject because I know it's so touchy, but then I figured that the only people reading this far are the ones that I didn't previously offend with my government-sponsored health care tirade. So, what the heck. I'll continue...

I do not believe global warming exists. At least not man-made global warming. OK, go ahead. Call me crazy. I can wait... OK, anyway, for those of you still with me, I'm moving on.

Consider this: The government (my favorite topic of the day!) has issued new legislature that requires (again, no options here) companies to reduce carbon emissions to a certain point or else face high taxes and penalities. OK, I really shouldn't have to go here, but some of you still don't get the point... If global warming is a serious threat (and is there any other kind of threat?) and if you TRULY believe that global warming is causing serious, irreversible damage to the planet and to humankind in general... then at what point will taxes and monetary penalities be OK? If you really believe that global warming is true, WHY would buying carbon credits get you out of the hole? If it's truly the threat that you believe it is, there would be no amount of money that would "correct" the problem or otherwise cause you to look the other way.

Maybe I'm being too harsh. Maybe I'm too conservative. Maybe I think too much. Whatever you believe about me is your opinion, and that's fine by me. My words are by no means gospel. But I do know this: God never intended for us to live this way... offending each other, criticizing each other, hurting each other. If someone is in ligitimate need, we should help him! We should encourage him! We should give him the tools necessary to allow him to provide for himself. But we should not provide it for him. Otherwise, we begin to breed an entire generation of people who are content with handouts instead of hard work.

Girls: The Mystery Unveiled - Part 1

2009-07-15T13:17:00.005-05:00

So I'm hooked on a blog. It's not just any blog... it's Andy Merrick. OK, seriously I have no idea who that is. I know only a little about his story. I have never met him. Ever. But I came across a link to his blog via an old friend's facebook page (see Mom, facebook really is good for information!) and began reading. And now I can't stop.

Anyway, I won't go into Andy's life story (mostly because I don't really know it), but I have been absolutely intrigued by his series "Why Guys Aren't Asking You Out." He's up to like 12 parts of the series, but it's enthralling stuff, I swear. It's so enthralling and enlightening that I've decided to do the obvious: counter it with a series of my own. So for the next few weeks I will be writing a series called "Girls: The Mystery Unveiled." First things first, you'll need to beef up on Andy's material... read the series here: http://blog.andymerrick.com/?p=134.

I also offer up the same disclaimer: I don't claim that my information is flawless or even correct. But I am a girl, and I can offer up a few tidbits on decoding our species. I will probably spend a good amount of time countering points that Andy has made... or maybe explaining them away in terms that even the biggest bonehead can grasp. Hey, everyone has a story to tell. So here it is...

All The Single Ladies: Same Saturday Night... Different POV
While Andy's scenario appears simple enough, women know that nothing is ever as simple as it seems. So what's the real truth? I woke up waaay to early on Saturday morning... a leftover symptom of "I have a real job" that just won't go away. I took that much-needed trip to the gym to work off the family-sized bag of M&Ms I had for dinner last night. About 2 minutes into my workout on the elliptical machine, I cast a sideways glance at the pint-sized, sweat-free Olympic sprinter working out next to me and secretly vow to never be photographed next to her. I spend the majority of the rest of the afternoon lounging on the couch, watching sappy movies on Lifetime and making another secret vow to not let anyone else know what I did all afternoon. Around 4pm, I start calling around to see what the rest of the girls are doing and, after learning that everyone else sat around watching sappy Lifetime movies all afternoon, decide that I'm not as much of a loser as I thought I was. I invite some of the girls over to hang out later and then head to the nearest Publix to grab whichever bottle of white wine has the most expensive-looking label. The girls come over and we drink wine... some from actual wine glasses and some from plastic cups when the four wine glasses have already been claimed. We talk about our work schedules, what's going on with our churches or our families, and discuss any juicy gossip we might have picked up during the week. At some point I'm sure someone asks about the hot new eye doctor working nearby or how things are going with the new guy that so-and-so is dating. And then we talk about anything but guys.

Weird, huh? Don't get me wrong... any girl loves to hear about a hot available guy. But girls aren't talking about you at parties. It's complicated, but explainable in two parts:

Girls aren't talking about you at parties because we don't want to offend other girls. There's a weird, unspoken rule among mostly-single girl circles: We stick together. This is especially true of girls who have been single a long time. Or girls who haven't. OK, it's just a weird thing, I guess. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that when a group of single girls is together, the subject of guys is broached with lots of caution. If one of the girls has recently started seeing someone seriously, it can be a sore subject among other girls who wish that they were seeing someone seriously. Or it can be a serious annoyance to girls who are no longer seeing someone seriously. Unless everyone in the room is single and looking, most of the subject of guys is avoided. As strange as it sounds, girl time is pretty riddled with rules.

But the second reason that we just aren't talking about you is because girls are mental multi-taskers at all times. Let's think about guys and girls in computer programmer's terms: Guys are one-task-minded. They open Microsoft Word, type a letter, and then close Microsoft Word. Task accomplished. Window closed. Once that window is closed, he can move on to the next task. I don't mean to imply that guys are... well... simple-minded (which may or may not be the case). It's intriguing to me how nothing else exists while there's a task on a guy's brain.

In contrast, a woman's mind has several "windows" open all at once... just all minimized at the bottom of the screen. And the windows stay open until the task is completed. In any given day, the single girl's brain might go something like this: Make sure to pay the rent today. Don't forget that Jacie's birthday is Thursday. Did I forget to unplug the iron? My driver's license expires next week. I really need a pedicure. What's on my agenda at work today? I really need to stick to my gym schedule.... and so on and so forth. And it's all up and running until a task is accomplished and the window is closed. It's exhausting. Seriously.

The reason all this is important is because even if a girl wants to gush about a new guy she met or about how hot Bobby looks in his new jeans, she just doesn't. She still thinks it, but it's just another open window. There's plenty of other, girl-safe windows open to chat about.

What's the Point?
The point is... we're different. Girls try really hard to make things look seamless, flawless, easy. But they're not. We're pretending. We go absolutely pee-pants over a guy's attention, but we work hard to make it seems like it's an everyday occurrence.

And (for lack of a more original term) as jokey as this is... I'm really serious about understanding things too. Andy has great insight. He is open and honest about what guys are thinking and feeling (or not feeling). I'm sure I'll gain some momentum just like he did. I don't know it all and I don't know who even reads this... but it's fun. And educational. Mostly.

Keep reading... girls are more than loyal to each other. We're more than just what meets the eye. And who knows? Maybe Andy or I will stumble upon some jewel of relationship wisdom. Maybe God Himself will finally! reveal the mysteries of the sexes to us. But no matter what, stay tuned. It'll be a fun ride.

Sweet Release

2009-07-01T14:24:00.002-05:00

I can't believe it's July already! It's been so long since I blogged that I thought for my first post in a while I'd share some of the actual strengths of my Godly singleness... especially since I tend to focus on the struggles of Godly singleness. A lot. In any event, it's a wonderful day and I have wonderful thoughts in my head. Read on!...

I have spent many, many nights pondering my life situation. You know... the fearful feeling in the pit of your stomach that you're missing the point. Everyone has it at some time or another, I think. Anyway, lots of times I look at what's going on in my life and just imagine God sitting up on the throne, gazing sadly (and maybe amusingly?) at what's going on around me. Then He'll give a little chuckle and say, "Oh, Blair! You're missing the point!!" When it comes to Godly singleness, am I really missing the point?

I had a long talk with myself not long ago. And I asked myself a few questions: What if I never get married? What if I never have a family of my own? What if this is all there is?? I'm sure you can guess my answer... My God will take care of me. Yes, it's the recurring motto of my life. It's recurring mostly because I have to keep reminding myself that God really is in control. Only this time, when I really thought about my life and what it's all about... if this is really all that ever happens to me... my heart automatically answered with "my God will take care of me." And this time, surprisingly, I really believed it!

I know, I know... you're probably thinking that I certainly must have believed it all along. Especially the way I carry on and on about it. But it's not true. Sometimes I don't believe it. Sometimes I don't believe Him. Sometimes I don't believe that things are OK or that I have a plan or a purpose. Sometimes I feel like I barely exist... it's like I'm just sort of drifting on the periphery. Flying just below the radar. I'm hard to forget but impossible to remember.

But then I began reading He Chose the Nails by Max Lucado, and something heavenly happened. God actually spoke to me. Personally. I wasn't flying below His radar, and He really needed to be stern with me. Seriously, it was time. You know, I think it's universal to all of us that we feel like we're having the WORST day or the WORST week or the WORST life. We think that no one can possibly understand how we feel or what we're going through. Least of all, Jesus. Oh, but it's sooooo not true, and thank the Good Lord above that He finally talked some sense into me!!

See, here's the thing. Jesus got depressed. OK, I seriously don't know why this thought has escaped me for all of my 28 years, but it's really true. When He was in the Garden of Gethsemane, just before the betrayal, Jesus was praying to God and the Bible says He was deeply distressed. He wasn't just stressed... He was distressed. He was confused. He was worried. He was scared. His friends couldn't stay awake for Him, and at the first hint of danger, they abandoned Him. They didn't just turn their backs on Him; they literally ran away from Him. They denied even knowing Him. They hid so they didn't even have to face questions from people who might have seen them hanging around Jesus. One even sold Him off for a few bucks. And I thought girls were backstabbers... Anyway, Jesus has been there. He has felt alone, just like me. And you.

But wait! There's more... Jesus not only got depressed, Jesus prayed to God and didn't get what He wanted!! OK, I don't know if you're sitting there in disbelief like I was, but it's a word from God that' s just too big to miss! In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus was praying for God to "take this cup from me." He didn't want to die. He didn't want to be in pain. He didn't want to follow God's will. It wasn't fun. It wasn't easy. And it certainly didn't come without suffering or pain. But He did it anyway. How many times have I prayed for something and God just flat out told me no? I mean, Jesus didn't get everything He wanted from God. How could I expect any different??

So here's the strength that I've found in my Godly singleness: I'm really OK. If this is all that happens... If I die next week never having been married or having any children; working two jobs; driving my old, chipped-paint car... If nothing else substantial ever happens... MY GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF ME.

Oh, I'll keep asking for what I want. Only now I'm learning to be content with what He gives.

How Good is Good Enough?

2009-06-04T17:16:00.003-05:00

You know that guy best friend you have? The only one who has seen you in your glasses and sweats with dirty hair and no makeup? Yeah, well, I have two. And they are the bestest of the best guy friends a girl could ever ask for! I am so, so, so lucky to have them. But then there comes that day when...

duh, duh, dum

... they meet a girl. And she's cute and she's funny and she's irritatingly perfect. And deep down you know she's probably just as great as he thinks she is because he wouldn't date her otherwise. But when it comes your best friend's girlfriend, how good is good enough? Because it would be really hard for me to handpick a girlfriend for J Mac... and even harder to pick one for True Love. And seriously, nobody yet has been good enough. Nobody.

But then I realize that it must be just as hard for them as it is for me... those moments when something seems so great on paper, but you know it just isn't quite right... the moments when you realize that no matter how badly you wish for it to work out, it just doesn't. It's tough for me, and sometimes I tend to discount how hard it must be for J Mac and True Love when the same thing happens to them.

It's never easy when God says "not yet." I'd much rather Him just tell me yes or no... black or white... open or closed. But in my experience, God's answers always come in His time. And very rarely do God and I run on the same clock. And what's so funny about the whole life experience is that everything we want seems to be just outside the realm of possibility...

A man (or, in the guys' case, a woman) you love desperately but can never be with.
A fabulous job in a fabulous city that you aren't quite qualified for.
An apology or forgiveness that you're too embarrassed to offer or receive.

But I've got some life experience too... from God, from my friends, and from my blog readers... and if I was to give the guys some advice, this would be it:

1) Don't worry. It's WAAAAAY easier said than done, but it's much easier when put in the proper perspective. Your God WILL take care of you. Yes, you might have a broken heart. Yes, you might be buried under mountains of stress. Yes, you might have temporarily lost sight of the goal. But what's great about God is that nothing we go through is a surprise to Him. He's not sitting on the throne, scratching His head, wondering where we went wrong. He has a plan. He sees a much bigger picture. And just because He's allowing a life-valley doesn't mean He wants you to dismiss the scenery.

2) Get a life. Yep, you heard me exactly right. Get a life. And get a good one. The way I figure it, you better get busy living or get busy dying. And the choice is easy, really, because we're all already dying. So you better live while you have the chance. Take the trip you've been meaning to take for a while. Strike up a conversation with the sad-looking, tired-and-worn-out cashier working the midnight shift at the Wal-Mart. Work hard and establish yourself. Volunteer. Make yourself proud of you. But don't sit around waiting on your life to change itself. Very rarely does something great fall from the ceiling of your apartment.

3) Learn to be okay alone. If there was a single-best life lesson I've learned, it's this one. And it's a hard lesson to learn, but if you think anything of any value comes at an easy price, you're dead wrong. Seek God. Pray to Him. A lot. It's the only thing that will get you through the valley. In fact, it's the only thing that will get you through anything. It's the only thing that ever has. And then, when you're ready, ask yourself the question you've been avoiding for most of your 20-something years...

If this is all that ever happens to me... if I never get another job or get married or have children... if this is all that life has to offer... am I really okay?

The answer might surprise you.

Exhaustivated

2009-05-08T14:35:00.002-05:00

Yes, that's exactly how I feel. Exhaustivated.

This has been the worst week... I'm so glad it's Friday!! Monday night I ended up having to work until 1am!! What is THAT craziness?? But hellllooooooo fat overtime check! Tuesday I had an eye appointment, which actually really wasn't that bad. It helps that my eye doctor is a mega-hottie. With a smokin' hot wife. And 4-year old twins. *Sigh* Then I had to work late into the night Tuesday night only to have my training class cancel Wednesday!! I finally got some good sleep Wednesday night, but Thursday I had to rush home to watch the Bean and her little-man-friend while my sister went to a job interview. THEY WERE TERRIBLE!! Nothing helped!! Not clean diapers... not bottles or baby food... not singing or rocking. I seriously can see how kids get that Shaken Baby Syndrome. And then my sister told me that she backed into my car on the way to her interview!!! It just doesn't get any better than this...

Next week it looks like I'll be hanging out in Bullock County. Stay tuned.

Things I've learned this week? Only one: The blog falls by the wayside when the hours at work are long and the work is... well, exhaustivating.

Bad Decisions

2009-04-16T14:08:00.002-05:00

WHY IS IT SO DARN HARD TO BE SINGLE?!?!

I can already hear some of you laughing and snickering to yourselves. Especially those of you who might wish you were single... but that's a blog for another time, another place.

I made a bad decision yesterday. And just before you start laughing and snickering again... YES, I make bad decisions every day I'm sure. Or at least a couple times a week. Just most of the time, my bad decisions have to do with eating one more cookie or sleeping in instead of getting up on time for work. This one might take this week's cake.

I e-mailed the Man-Child.

Yes, I imaged the scary music playing too.

But instead of going on and on about my bad decisions and the ways I wish God would make it all up to me, I'm just going to head back to the old school. Way back when, I used to post lists of things I had learned. Time to get back to basics...

So this time around, here's my list: Things I Have Learned About Singleness

1) It gets lonely. I know about half of you are thinking Duh! while the other half is feeling some combination of pity and sympathy. Please don't look at me with the puppy-dog eyes. It's not that bad.

2) It's hard to find really good friends who are in the same life-place, BUT those friends are for-lifers. It's bittersweet, but more sweet than bitter.

3) People quit asking you when you're going to get married or have children because by this point they've already decided that you're much more interested in your career than in having a family. It's sooooo not true, but it seems to be the norm.

4) Careers are easier to establish, take seriously, and manage. It's funny to hear myself say it, but I have a career. It's like making a lifetime commitment to be able to provide for myself. I'm in a line of work that I'm sure I'll be doing until that day comes where I can't work anymore (and I'll be praisin' Him all the way home that day!)... and that's a loooonnng time to love what you do!

5) MY GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF ME. Are we sensing a theme here? I know it seems like I bring this up a lot, but I feel like someone reading this (ahem... besides myself) needs to hear it as much as I do! I could read all of the When God Writes Your Love Story stories ever written, but it doesn't mean as much to me as knowing... and I mean REALLY knowing... that my God will take care of me. So I have to keep reminding myself that He's enough. He was enough in high school when I didn't have a date to my senior prom. He was enough all the way through college when my friends were meeting their husbands and marrying their true loves. He was enough when I broke it off with the Golfer and the Engineer and the Man-Child, all because He couldn't approve. And He's still enough. Still today. Still tomorrow. Still next week. And if I'm lucky enough to find a Godly man and someday marry him, my God will still be enough.

And that's the best thing of all about being single. I know that I know that I know that my God will take care of me. No matter what, He's enough.

I've had enough of living life for only me,

and reaching just for the things that keep destroying me.

So sick of envying the lives of so many I see,

somehow believing that they have what I need.

My God's enough for me.

This world has nothing I need.

In this whole life I've seen

my God's enough for me.

I can't explain why I suffer though I live for You.

Those who deny You - oh, they have it better than I do.

Cover my eyes now so that my heart can finally see

that in the end only You mean anything.

My God's enough for me.

This world has nothing I need.

In this whole life I've seen

my God's enough for me.

Who have I in heaven but You?

Nothing I desire but You.

My heart may fail, but not You.

You are mine forever.

Who have I but You?

-Psalm 73 (My God's Enough) by BarlowGirl

The Best Days

2009-04-10T11:19:00.002-05:00

Happy Good Friday, faithful readers! I hope that everyone is very much looking forward to this Easter season. I know some of us (ahem... me) have been struggling with God and His purpose and His plan and His timing. And I know some of us (ahem... me) have been trying to hide the fact that we're mad at God about one thing or another and we're putting on a front with Him. (It doesn't work, by the way, but we're doing it nonetheless.) Some of us (ahem... me) are praying and speaking to Him and going about everyday life as if nothing has changed. The funny thing is, though... I still speak to Him as if everything's OK. I STILL SPEAK TO HIM.

How mad can I really be, I ask you? Sometimes I don't even make sense to myself.

But no matter how angry I am or how impatient I am or how stubborn I am... I still believe. One of my favorite verses in the entire Bible is in Isaiah... what a marvelous book filled with hidden gems of Godly wisdom! Read it, and search for His hidden promises and purposes. And then read it again... He'll surprise you every time! Anyway, my one of my all-time favs is Isaiah 43:10... "You are My witnesses," declares the LORD, "and My servants whom I have chosen so that you may know and BELIEVE ME and know that I am He."

This is one of the only times that I'm aware of where God says "BELIEVE ME." Consider the wording there... he says "BELIEVE ME." Not "believe IN me." This scripture is NOT for the faint of faith. It doesn't even apply to those who are wishy-washy, always doubting and wondering if God is really there. There are LOTS of verses that apply to those people... ones to help you in your doubt and to comfort you in your loneliness.

But folks, this ain't it.

Why is this one so different? Well, because God implies that we already believe IN him. We already believe that He exists. This is a passage from the Old Testament... pre-Jesus, pre-salvation, pre-fellowship in Heaven. There was a lot of sin and a lot of war and a lot of seemingly empty promises from God for the Jews. And it's human nature (ahem... my nature) to think that God is somehow holding out on us. That there's something we're somehow entitled to that we're not getting already.

And God is saying that He chose Isaiah and the Jews because He wanted His people to BELIEVE HIM. That's a big task. I don't know if you've ever said something like, "It will happen, believe me." That's what God is saying... BELIEVE ME. I will free you, BELIEVE ME. I will take care of you, BELIEVE ME. I will provide for you, BELIEVE ME. I will do what's best for you, BELIEVE ME. I AM GOD... BELIEVE WHAT I'M TELLING YOU! In other words, I chose YOU to KNOW ME and to TRUST ME and to UNDERSTAND ME.

I wrote a few weeks ago about how my God will take care of me. It's easy to say... hard to believe. I've been struggling with the believing part. But here it is, in black-and-white, doesn't get any plainer... I CHOSE YOU TO BELIEVE ME. And to be a witness to the glory of it all. Now, if God is God... and we already believe IN Him... and He chose ME to BELIEVE HIM and to BE A WITNESS... doesn't He trap Himself into doing what He says He will do? Wow! What an amazing way for God to speak to me this weekend...

He was pierced for our transgressions.

He was crushed for our sins.

The punishment that brought us peace was upon Him,

And by His wounds, by His wounds we are healed.

We are healed by Your sacrifice

And the life that You gave.

We are healed for You paid the price.

By Your grace we are saved.

We are saved.

He was pierced for our transgressions,

Crushed for our sins.

The punishment that brought us peace was upon Him,

And by His wounds, by His wounds we are healed.

What can wash away my sins?

Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

The Mask Comes Off

2009-04-06T14:40:00.002-05:00

Well friends, I have debated long and hard about this day. I have spent so many years of my life only doing and saying the things that I think will make me seem put-together and popular. As of late, I've been remembering some of the things I should have done better or differently but didn't because I would have seemed weak or unpopular or frazzled. And I hate those things.

But today is a new day. The mask is coming off... so to speak. Does this mean that I'm ready to bear all of my deep, dark secrets for all of you out there? Probably not. But it is a change in perspective, a new transparency I've always wanted to have. And I'm finally ready to share my life with you. With all of you. Because if my life... and I mean my real life... can help someone or teach someone or comfort someone in some small way that I might never see, then that's what I need to do. I can't say that it will all be worth it because I don't know that it will be. I'm a defender of my life... I don't have it all together sometimes and I haven't always been the popular one. I might not be even now...

I am really mad at God and I'm finding it so easy to become mediocre in my walk with Him. And let's face it, aside from a few sporadic high points, I can usually find it very easy to become mediocre in my walk. But the trouble is that I go through these periods of time where I just don't care. I'm in one of those now. I just don't care that I'm mediocre. I don't want to take the time I should to read and study the Word. I'm exhausted. And sometimes it's actually refreshing to be ordinary in my faith. I can feel God's seething disappointment in me as I write this.

For most of my life, I've been different. I'm usually the "smart one" that everybody wants on their Trivial Pursuit team. Well, everyone except for TrueLove, that is, especially after that whole Panama Canal incident. I'm "smart." And sometimes that's worse than being "popular." Smart people know what I'm talking about. You get taken for granted. You end up doing other people's work because theirs might be "correct" but yours is "outstanding." People automatically assume you can figure it out. You can know what other people expect of you before they even ask. Smart. You almost have to spit to even say that word.

Even though there are MUCH worse things to be than "smart," I'm never "pretty." In most of today's society, you can't be both. Or so it seems. They even had a reality show about that one time... oh, what was it called?... ummm.... oh, right! America's Most Smartest Model. WHAT THE CRAP?!?!

I'm jealous. Not of America's Most Smartest Model. I'm jealous of pretty people. Pretty, skinny people. People who can wear two-piece bathings suits and not have kids running away and screaming in horror. But my jealousy doesn't stop there. I'm jealous of married people and people in loving, committed, serious relationships. I'm jealous of single women with fabulous single friends. I'm jealous of women with blond hair, women with brown hair, and women with red hair. I'm jealous of women with children. I'm jealous of women who can walk into the Gap and pick up a pair of jeans off the rack and wear them!! I'm jealous of women who get attention for all the wrong reasons and I'm jealous of women who get attention for all of the right ones. I'm jealous of Godly women and I'm jealous of women who are experiencing favor without doing any of the work it's supposed to take to get there!

And I'm tired of being jealous. I'm tired of feeling like I have to be smart because I can't be pretty. And there's just one thing that I've learned lately that's worthy of a spot on my list...

1) You CAN experience favor, even if you're living outside the will of God. Will the eternal rewards be as sweet? Probably not. But how long am I supposed to wait on Him?? Forever seems like too much for Him to ask...

10-1

2009-03-19T20:53:00.003-05:00

OK, so I'm really sorry that I haven't posted before now. I know, I'm an undedicated blog-slacker. I'm sure you forgive me... just as I would you if you happened to be an undedicated blog-slacker. :)

So I love lists. I'm sure you've figured this out by now. I really think that it's entirely possible to categorize life in a series of lists. (Wow, saying that out loud sounds really sad...) Anyway, I stole this from Erin Carey's facebook page. If you don't know her, you should. She rocks. And this "list" is fun. For me, anyway...

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Others but Sometimes Don't

10. It's really not the crisis you're making it out to be.
9. I don't have time to chit-chat with you.
8. I'm sure you'll get over it.
7. That outfit really doesn't look good on you.
6. I'm angry with you.
5. I don't think I can do what you want me to do.
4. I wish I were a better friend.
3. I'm only nice to you because I would feel bad if I wasn't.
2. Why don't you call me?
1. I love you.

Nine Things About Myself

9. I will wear a pair of jeans at least 6 times before I wash them.
8. I am deathly afraid of Kevin Bacon.
7. I could eat pizza every day.
6. I have a butt-shelf.
5. I am terribly inconsistent.
4. I love my own handwriting.
3. I laugh at my own jokes more than other people laugh at them.
2. I don't believe in multi-tasking.
1. I think it should be a law that people have to have a dog before they can have a kid.

Eight Ways To Win My Heart

8. Mean What You Say
7. Sing Karaoke
6. Impress My Friends
5. Make Me Laugh
4. Buy Me Tulips
3. Hold My Hand
2. Stick Up For Me
1. Love My Family

Seven Things That Cross My Mind A Lot

7. The Engineer
6. Where Has My Money Gone?!
5. Auburn Friends
4. Prayer Requests
3. Song Lyrics
2. Lunch
1. My Nieces

Six (Groups of?) People Who Are Important To Me

6. My Nieces
5. My Sisters
4. My Parents
3. My Birmingham Friends
2. My Co-Workers
1. My Auburn Friends

Five Things I Do Before I Fall Asleep

5. Brush My Teeth
4. Take My Medicine
3. Chat With Jesus
2. Mentally Picture Tomorrow's Wardrobe
1. Watch TV

Four Things You're Wearing Right Now

4. Auburn Sweatpants
3. Undies
2. A Shirt I Bought at "The Reef" on Choir Tour in like 2001?
1. Contact

Three Artists That You Listen To Often

3. Sara Bareilles
2. Dave Barnes
1. Taylor Swift

Two Things You Want To Do Before You Die

2. Get Married
1. Have "Enough" Money

One Confession

I'm one of those people who will only do things she can do well.

It's Not Enough

2009-02-19T08:49:00.003-06:00

So folks, I might be having one of the worst weeks EVER. Of course, I might just be exaggerating a bit like I tend to do, but you'll never know the truth unless you keep reading...

I found a MAJOR blip on my credit report on Monday, and IT WASN'T EVEN MY FAULT.
I managed to single-handedly crash the e-mail systems of TWO companies on Tuesday.
On Wednesday, I got the e-mail working but crashed the website.
Today is Thursday... stay tuned.

I woke up at 1:01am this morning with an overwhelming sense of dread and impending doom. A year or so ago I went through this same thing... every night for a week I would wake up at exactly 4:08am with this crushing fear running through me. It's unexplainable how I would wake up at the exact same time EVERY NIGHT, but I was there. I can swear to you that's it true. It truly was something I will never forget. A year ago I mentioned this sleep-deprivation-fiasco to my former college roomie, and she made a profound statement... It sounds like God is trying to tell you something, just like Samuel. When you wake up tonight, just start praying. Wow... why didn't I think of that??

So I did what she asked, only I had absolutely no idea what to pray for... and it seemed a little too much to ask for me to sit up in bed when I'm paralyzed by this irrational sense of fear and say, "Here I am, God. Speak, for your servant is listening." So I just prayed for anything and anyone who came to my mind. Maybe someone else was in danger and needed my prayers. Maybe I was in some sort of danger. I honestly have no idea. But I can tell you this... as I prayed, tears were streaming down my face. I don't know why, except that I had this horrible feeling that something bad was going to happen and God was my only refuge. It was strange and lovely all at the same time. And the next night, I didn't wake up at 4:08am. It hasn't happened since, although the experience has never been far from my mind.

And then last night I woke up at 1:01am with that all-too-familiar, gut-wrenching, overwhelming fear. So it doesn't seem like a coincidence anymore that this week's Esther study was all about fear. It was an amazing video lesson this week and has really made me think about some things. I promise I'll get back to the 1:01am story, but indulge me for just a moment while I go through this. Maybe then my 1:01am fear-party won't seem so out of place...

I can't imagine NOT living in fear. Not the gut-wrenching, paralyzing fear I woke with last night, but I just mean fear in general. Small fear. Insignificant fear. Fear of failure. Fear that I will be alone forever. Fear that I am making all the wrong decisions. Fear that I might lose someone in my family. Fear that I'm not good enough. Fear that people won't like me. Friends, if you're reading this and NOT identifying with me, then you must be made of pure steel. But here's the rub...

Whatever it is that I'm most afraid of, Satan is already onto it. He uses my fear to cripple me BECAUSE HE KNOWS IT WORKS! And it works on all of us because if it didn't, we wouldn't be afraid anymore. I know that might seem like a bit of a Catch-22, but it's not really. And 75% of the time, the things I'm most afraid of happening never happen. But I fear that they might happen. And Satan threatens me with the mights. What if... What if... What if... Beth Moore taught me that "what IF" turns into I Fear... Wow, how true this is.

But it's not enough for me to trust God to not let the things I'm most afraid of never happen to me. Does that make sense? Put a different way: It's not real trust if I only trust Him to keep me from my fears. That's conditional trust. God, I trust you to never let those horrible things happen to me. But friends... WHAT IF THOSE THINGS HAPPEN?? We can't have conditional trust because it allows us an out, and that's no good. God doesn't want us to trust Him to not let the bad things happen. He wants us to TRUST HIM... no matter what.

Think of the very worst thing that you think could ever happen to you, and then fill in the blanks here: IF THIS ______________________________, THEN ____________________________. Really think about it. If this really awful thing happens to me... if my family dies... if my husband leaves me... if I never get married... then what? What will happen to you? I like to say things like, "If I never get married, I will just DIE." But would I really? I'd be heartbroken. I'd be understandably lonely. I'd probably be mean as a snake for a while. But would I DIE? Probably not. And why?? BECAUSE MY GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF ME. And he'll take care of you too!

So now my blanks read IF THIS ___________________________, THEN MY GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF ME. It really can't read any other way. SO WHAT IS THERE REALLY TO FEAR??

So this morning at 1:01am, when I was so fear-stricken that I didn't really think my brain would even work properly, with images of huge men entering our home, with thoughts of my family be taken during the night... all I could think to say was "My God will take care of me." And I repeated it over and over and over and over until I could go back to sleep. And you know what? It's as true this morning as it was last night. No matter what.

Sometimes the sun stays hidden for years.

And sometimes the sky rains night after night... when will it clear?

But our hope endures the worst of conditions.

It's more than our optimism.

Let the earth quake... our hope is unchanged.

Emmanuel, God is with us.

El Shaddai, All-Sufficient.

Emmanuel, God is with us.

El Shaddai, All-Sufficient.

Emmanuel, God is with us.

El Shaddai, All-Sufficient.

-Natalie Grant

Respect Your Wishes and Your Demands...

2009-02-11T10:11:00.002-06:00

I have such a hard time getting everything done... I'm sure any of you can attest to feeling the same way on occasion (or on EVERY occasion like me). Between exercise, work, Bible study, choir, and home I sometimes feel like it's just TOO MUCH!! But I'm always happier when I'm extremely busy, and this, I suppose, is no exception.

I know I've spent the majority of my last few posts ranting about my Bible study (which I ADORE, by the way), and I don't know that today will be an exception, although LOTS of topics are swirling around in my head at the moment. I don't tend to plan out my public rants, I just go where the spirit leads! :) So for those of you who still put up with this meaningless, mindless banter... I applaud you!! And thanks. :)

Beth Moore really touches my heart. She has an AMAZING gift for reading and interpreting and communication the Word that really makes people not only want to LEARN it but makes them want to LOVE it too! And isn't that one of the essential points to Bible study... loving God's Word?? I think so.

Every little girl LOVES the story of Esther... and who wouldn't?? From a worldly perspective, this seemingly forgotten, humble, beautiful little girl gets picked out of a crowd to become queen! It certainly fits the Disney World version of dreams coming true. And I admit, I have always loved the story of Esther, albeit always for varying degrees of reason. First I loved it for the very reason described above. As a child of a broken home, Esther's life inspired me to have hope that dreams that seem virtually impossible really do come true! I mean, if Esther can not only become a queen but can also save her entire race of people from death, then surely things can happen for me too!! As I got older, I loved the story of Esther simply because it was a story about a young woman, like me. Women's power and all that. The Bible is chock full of stories about men and how great they are but it reveals surprisingly little regarding powerful women... well, sort of. So it seemed at the time. But now I love Esther for an entirely different reason: BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T GET THE LIFE SHE DREAMED OF.

What's that I say?? I know, I know. I just went on and on about how Esther's story is one of inspiration and of hope, and believe me, it truly is. Just not for the reasons I believed before. So many details of this story slipped my attention when I read through it so many times before. Here, let me list a few things I've learned about Esther that you might not have realized either...

1) Esther was an orphan. She lost BOTH of her parents. My mother lost her mother when she was only 7 years old, and even though she doesn't talk about it much, I can see that it is one of the worst pains she has ever had to face in her life. I can see in my mother's eyes that not having her mother in her life... to comfort her when she got her heart broken for the first time, to teach her how to make spaghetti or chocolate brownies, to make a big deal out of her birthdays or her first date or her high school graduation... it absolutely has affected the rest of her life. But Esther lost BOTH parents. No mom AND no dad. I can't even begin to imagine that kind of pain.

2) Esther was raised by her MALE cousin, Mordecai. (I LOVE the name Mordecai, by the way, but that has nothing to do with the story at hand.) And in a land that wasn't inherently Jewish. They were exiled Jews living in Persia at the time... Jews who had the OPTION of returning to their homeland and JUST DIDN'T FEEL LIKE IT. A male cousin in a land where they weren't exactly wanted.

3) Esther wasn't CHOSEN to go to the palace. She was FORCED. She was taken from the only family she has left -- her cousin -- and was dragged into a world where you have to be beautiful to survive. In that society, the repercussions of NOT being a virgin when you married were pretty severe. These girls were forcibly taken from their homes and their families to "please the king" in whatever manner he saw fit. When (not IF) they were not chosen, they were resigned to the passel of concubines the king kept at his disposal. Even if they were allowed to return home, the shame of no longer being a virgin would certainly keep many from having a normal marriage and family of their own.

4) Esther had to go through an ENTIRE YEAR OF BEAUTY TREATMENTS. I don't know about you, but HOLY CRAP. I'm sorry, but these weren't UGLY GIRLS!! They were "beautiful young virgins" (Esther 2:3). NOT UGLY GIRLS!! And they still had to go through a year of beauty treatments?? ISN'T ANYONE JUST BEAUTIFUL ENOUGH??

5) When Haman decides to kill the Jews living in Persia, Mordecai asks Esther to go to the king and fix it. You know what she replies? "Thirty days have passed since I was called to go to the King." She had not SEEN, TALKED TO, OR OTHERWISE ENGAGED IN A MARITAL RELATIONSHIP WITH HER HUSBAND IN A MONTH. A month. I don't know about you, but most of the reason I want to get married someday is because I want a partner, a confidante. Esther did not by any stretch of the imagination have a wonderful, fairy-tale marriage.

In fact, Esther did not by any stretch of the imagination have a wonderful, fairy-tale life... but I'm OK with that because I don't either. And yet God used her. God will use me. I am learning more and more to be transparent with people. To identify with them. To use my past as a reason to trust my future. I'm exited about what God is doing, and I'm hoping that my destiny will inspire people too someday.

27 Things to Know

2009-01-26T12:51:00.002-06:00

So kiddos, in lieu of my regular list of things I have learned recently, I'm giving you the opportunity to learn something new about me... albeit, not many of these things are "new" to some of you. I'm pretty open. Nonetheless, I'm bored and have gotten all kinds of requests to fill this little thing out. I have modified it as a salute to the coming close of my 27th year... therefore, I have amended the previously accepted "25 Things to Know" to "27 Things to Know." Stay tuned. It's random...

I snort when I laugh really hard. I try not to, but that doesn't always work out.
I started biting my nails when I became a musician at the ripe old age of 8 or so. My piano teacher was always harping at me that my nails were too long to play the piano. I would forget to cut them, so I started biting them off before I got to my lessons. It stuck.
I love Food & Wine magazine. I copy down recipes that I may very well never use.
I have an Excel spreadsheet of baby names that I like for each letter of the alphabet.
I think I'm the only person on Earth who realizes that birthdays are a year behind. When I turn 28 in March, I will actually be beginning my 29th year of life. Which is 1 year away from my 30th year of life. Eek.
Tax Return Day is my 2nd favorite day of the year. It's better than my birthday and almost as good as Christmas.
I shared a seat on the metro in Washington, DC with Orlando Bloom. He was wearing a hat and sunglasses. In cognito. He asked me which stop is best for getting to the White House. I didn't know it was him until he got off the train, which is probably good because I probably would have proposed if I had known.
I think the funniest thing on Saturday Night Live is when the actors crack themselves up and then try to hide the fact that they did.
I don't like maple syrup and think grits taste like sand.
I really do believe in Auburn and love it.
I tend to give people nicknames based on their occupation.
I believe that every argument can be resolved by saying, "I think you're pretty."
I have never attempted to resolve an argument by saying, "I think you're pretty."
I don't think skinny jeans look good on boys. There are no exceptions to this rule - not even for Pete Wentz.
I would secretly love to open a kid-friendly restaurant called Peanut Butter & Ellie's that serves salads and sandwiches and homemade peanut butter. And there would be chalkboard paint on some or all of the walls.
I do not like the words "moist," "juicy," or "taut." Or "commode."
I have auditioned for American Idol twice.
I believe that people are the music they listen to.
I believe that people are the company they keep.
It annoys me when people trade in their dreams for explanations.
I'm glad I never lived next to the water so I could never get used to the beach.
I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be famous.
I subconsciously count my steps when I walk.
The only regret I have in my life is that I quit practicing the piano.
I believe that I am practical to a fault.
I was the only person I know,to make a "B" in Choral Arranging with Dr. Smith.
I really am afraid of Kevin Bacon, and the only movie I can tolerate with him in it is A Few Good Men, and then only because he loses.

Queen of the Amputees

2009-01-21T15:17:00.004-06:00

I have been inspired to write yet again. It almost seems funny to say that I have to be inspired to get on here and write, but honestly I don't think I could describe it in a better way. I have made myself so busy (and God has made me so scatter-brained!) that it doesn't always occur to me that I should write. So thanks to y'all who keep up with my random posting schedule!! :)

I was catching up on my friend Natalie's blog (and if you haven't checked it out, you should... http://sequined-seafoam.blogspot.com/), and she made a statement about how so many people try to forget their past or forget how their past has made them who and what they are today. It really was a profound little post, and I loved that she gives God the praise for the things that have happened in her past to bring her to where she is today. And even more amazing is what God is teaching me here... stay with me people. This is quite a lesson!

In my Bible study last night (I told you a lot of posts would revolve around this because God has been waiting to teach me some things, I think), Beth Moore made a statement something similar to, "you can't fulfill your destiny by amputating your past." That's not the exact wording, but you get the idea. And I LOVE that she used the word "amputate," because that's exactly what I try to do. I try to forget, cover up, or otherwise AMPUTATE my past life. Just cut it off. And what's so funny is that I could look around that room full of women and see that some of them just didn't get the concept. Beth likened it to rowing a boat into shore... you have your back to the coming shore and your face toward the place you left. You're still rowing forward but you can clearly see where you came from. HOLY COW PEOPLE... ARE YOU LETTING THIS SINK IN?!?!

I don't know if it's as big a deal for you as it was for me. It was like a light blub went off in my head. Well, so to speak. In reality, it was more like God was whispering... "Blair, you better not EVER forget the crap that I pulled you out of." I have since dubbed myself the Queen of the Amputees. If anyone ever on earth was trying to outlive the past it has been me. I have made so many mistakes, and, oddly enough, so many of them have been with the best of intentions. If there is something you have questions about, you could probably come to me because I've probably done it, seen it, lived through it, felt guilty about it, done it again, and then bought it's t-shirt.

There are things in my past that have happened TO me. There are things in my past that have happened WITH me. There are things in my past that have happened BECAUSE OF me. And I can assure you, not many of them are pleasant, happy memories. I have tried to laugh about things, downplay things, and ignore things altogether. I have stolen and lied and schemed and manipulated. I have suffered and given physical abuse and mental abuse and emotional abuse. I have felt ashamed and guilty and sad and embarrassed. And I venture to say that most of you have done/said/felt most of these things because the funny thing is that the past is common to all of us. Did you hear me?? THE PAST IS COMMON TO ALL OF US.

Of course my experiences won't be the same as your experiences. My enemies won't be the same as your enemies. My fears won't be the same as your fears. But trust me on this one: the shame and the guilt and the sadness and the emptiness and the loneliness and the embarrassment... they're common to us all. WE ALL TRY TO FORGET WHAT'S HAPPENED TO US, WITH US, BECAUSE OF US IN THE PAST. ALL OF US.

But you can't forget your past because, like Natalie mentioned in her post, the past makes you who you are. And you better believe God wants you to remember the crap He pulled you out of. Don't misunderstand me... I don't think you should negatively dwell on your past. Memories can become little altars that we worship everyday, and I don't think we should spend the present worried about the past. But I don't think it does God justice for us to forget it either. He is not shocked by your past, and just like so many others in the Bible, YOU CAN'T FULFILL YOUR DESTINY BY AMPUTATING YOUR PAST. You just can't. He made you. He watched you. HE SAVED YOU. It's important!!

Oh, I wish that all of you could feel the freedom I feel right now. It's liberating in a strange sort of way. I have a past, and it's OK. It's not a great past, I can promise you. And it's not a forgotten past, because that is a worthless and unattainable task anyway. But it is in the past. God has already pulled me from the fire. And I can rest assured that He will pull me out again. I don't want to forget because THAT IS REDEMPTION!

I'm skipping the list today... this is just too important to be overshadowed! Love you all!

Lucky You!

2009-01-14T13:19:00.002-06:00

Well kiddos... it's officially the middle of the first month of 2009. Weird. I haven't put the wrong date on any of my checks thus far, though, so maybe that's a good sign. I have joined the choir at church (AMAZING) and started the new Beth Moore Bible study on Esther (FANTASTIC), and you guys get to follow me along my meaningless banter...

Last night at Bible study, the big question was "What are the three toughest things about being a woman?" That was our first thought-provoking discussion, and I really thought the answers would come easily to me. But they didn't. Of course, there's the obvious: the hormones, mood swings... and the physical consequences of the hormones and mood swings. And of course there's the balance... how do I get everything accomplished that I'm supposed to?? And I know that's not three things, but it's the best I could come up with last night. But, today with a bit more thought, I have decided to share with you (My Faithful Readers) the three toughest things about being a woman... (Get ready... this is HUGE!)...

1. It's tough wearing panties and then dealing with the stress of trying to hide the fact that I do. OK, seriously. Once you stop laughing and compose yourself, read on... Britney Spears is ruling the world. She has a team of cohorts that include Miley Cyrus, Paris Hilton, and Lindsey Lohan. Oh, and People Magazine publishes her every move. It's magical, really. The panties. Really. Britney Spears was so worried about her panty lines that she just didn't wear any. And to make sure that she documented the fact that it really is, in fact, uncool to have panty lines, she made sure that People Magazine was there to publish her without any on. Now, I realize that this may be a bit... taboo. But I don't know a woman in the world who doesn't worry about her panty lines. So in order to alleviate this, I am vowing in 2009 to make panty lines cool again. Hey, at least you know we're wearing some.

2. It's tough being a woman in another woman's shadow. For anyone who has done the Esther study, you'll recognize this statement as the first scenario statement. And at first I blew it off because, honestly, I have always thought that you only live in the shadows if you choose that for yourself. I'm a firm believer in standing out. But then I thought about it... and I mean REALLY thought about it... and maybe one of the toughest things about being a woman is... OTHER WOMEN!! And trust me, I have been there and not even realized it. I'm pretty sure at some point during my college career I actually made the statement that I was going to make some ugly friends so I could be the pretty one for a change. (OK, maybe more than once.) I have been in the shadows... behind the "pretty" women, behind the "popular" women, behind the "good Christian" women, behind the "genius," behind the "musician," behind the "man-magnet." Oh, I have been in the shadows, all right. So I vow in 2009 to find ways to let God make me special. Hey, you gotta shine sometime.

3. It's tough accepting that you can't be everything. I don't know if men struggle with this. Frankly, I've never been a man, so I can't speak from personal experience. But women are bombarded ALL THE TIME... Be skinnier! Be prettier! Be younger! Be smarter! Be more nurturing! Cook the meals! Do the laundry! Raise the children! It's exhausting trying to be and do everything you're supposed to do. So I vow in 2009 to clear my schedule, reorganize my priorities, and learn to say NO every once in a while. And if (WHEN!) I don't measure up to Mary, Mother of Jesus or June Cleaver or even Roseanne... I'll just have to get over it. If I'm late to church because I overslept and I feel like people are staring at me, I'll just have to get over it. If I get a spot on my white blouse, I'll just have to get over it. If I don't lose the last 5 pounds, I'll just have to get over it. Hey, I can't be everything.

OK, enough with the wisdom beyond my years. Onward to the list! I think some of you might be shocked at what I've learned lately...

1. Charlie Sheen and Emilio Estevez are BROTHERS and Martin Sheen is their DAD!?!?! WHERE HAVE I BEEN?? Martin Sheen changed his name from Martin Estevez because he thought the American film industry would be more accepting of a less ethnic-sounding name. Charlie followed close behind, but brother Emilio politely declined. I'm impressed with old Emilio for standing up for himself. KUDOS! I can almost forget that he was once married to Paula Abdul...

2. Drinking 16 ounces of ice water requires the body to burn 17.5 calories to warm the water up to body temperature. So if you drink the recommended 64 ounces of water as ice water, your body will actually burn 70 calories.

3. Pop Rocks contribute to global warming. To make Pop Rocks, the sugary candy is mixed with carbon dioxide at 600psi. Carbon dioxide is one of the greenhouse gasses contributing to global warming. When you put Pop Rocks in your mouth, the candy melts and the 600psi carbon dioxide is released from the bubble. JUST SAY NO!

ENJOY!! :)

Oh, The Things You Learn!... My Personality Test

2009-01-07T16:36:00.002-06:00

So I took this color personality test thingy, and it says I'm a BLUE personality. Check for comments in BLUE in parentheses...

Congratulations, Blair, you are a BLUE personality. The Core Motivation that drives you through life is "Intimacy". BLUES need connection - the sharing of rich, deep emotions that bind people together. (TRUE) As a BLUE, you will often sacrifice a great deal of time, effort, and/or personal convenience to develop and maintain meaningful relationships throughout your life. (PROBABLY TRUE)

BLUES seek opportunities to genuinely connect with others, and need to be understood and appreciated, especially by their partner. (TRUE) Everything you do as a BLUE has to be quality-based, or you won't do it at all. (MOSTLY TRUE... I'm sure there have been 1 or 2 school assignments I turned in that weren't exactly "quality-based." More often, I just didn't do it at all.) You are incredibly loyal to friends, employers, employees, and above all to your significant other. (TRUE) Whatever or whomever you commit to is your sole (and soul) focus. As a BLUE, you love to serve and will give freely of yourself in order to nurture the lives of others. (TRUE)

BLUES have distinct preferences and are the most controlling of the four personalities, although they may not acknowledge (or even realize) the fact. (SAD, BUT TRUE) Your code of ethics is remarkably strong and you expect others (not only your partner and those closest to you, but everyone) to live honest, committed lives as well. (TRUE) You enjoy sharing meaningful moments in conversation with your partner as well as remembering special life events (e.g. birthdays and anniversaries). (TRUE)

WHY YOU'RE HOT:
1) You Put Your Partner/Relationship First
People like to feel important, especially to their significant other, and you have the natural ability to make that happen. (MAYBE TRUE?) As a BLUE, you tend to be very selfless, and your first thought is always "how will this affect my partner?" You would be willing to sacrifice going out with friends or engaging in an activity that you enjoy on your own to do something less exciting with your significant other - not that they would necessarily ask you to - but just knowing you would is a great feeling. (MMM... DEPENDS ON HOW "LESS EXCITING"...)

2) You Make Events Magical
When planning something such as an anniversary dinner or a birthday party, you don't like to go through the same old routine that everyone else does. You have a flair for the creative and you seem to have a sense of how to create an ambiance by adding special touches that you know will be perfect for the occasion. (VERY TRUE. I am over-the-top... OTT.) For example, you might have personalized gifts or you might recreate something meaningful that happened previously in your relationship. You make ordinary things extra special, which is very endearing.

WHY YOU'RE NOT:
1) You Tend To Blame Others For Your Unhappiness (Oh, come on now... I don't think this is true!! Is it??)
As a BLUE, you hold high standards for yourself and tend to have unrealistic expectations of yourself, your partner, and how things "should be," (OK, that's TRUE) so when things go wrong, you turn to others, such as your partner, as the source for your unhappiness. (I'm still not convinced.) You might say to him, "if only you were more attentive / caring / interested / loving (you name it), this wouldn't have happened." This is obviously not a great way to maintain somebody's affection.

2) It's Hard For You To Relax (You Require A Purpose To Play)
BLUES tend to be overly guilt-prone, and so if you are doing things that are not purposeful by your standards, you probably feel guilty about it. (DEFINITELY NOT TRUE) Ergo, you tend to require a justifiable reason to just play and enjoy life - which usually defeats the purpose and makes it feel unnatural or forced to others in your life. Your tendency to be high-strung in this way can be alarming to a potential mate who is stuck wondering if you'll ever be able to calm down enough to enjoy a life together. (EGADS!)

Auld Lang Syne

2008-12-30T13:53:00.002-06:00

Hello Friends!! It's so great to be writing again... even though my thoughts are so scattered that I have no idea what I'm even writing about! I can't believe it's almost 2009...

You know when you're a kid and you always wonder what the future will be like? Even when I graduated from high school, I don't think I could have pictured myself in the year 2009. And here we are, and I'm so far from where I thought I would be. When I was in high school, if you asked me what I would be like in 2009, I would have said that I would be married and practicing law somewhere fabulous. That was the goal -- my purpose in life. Living up to my potential if you will. If you had asked me in college what I would be like in 2009, I probably would have said that I would be married and singing or leading worship somewhere fabulous. Maybe I would have said that I would be working for a big company in DC or New York.

In reality, I will turn 28 in 2009. I am working in litigation, but as a Lit Support Manager... not practicing law like I would have guessed. I still live in Gardendale, but by way of Auburn and DC and Tuscaloosa... not in a big city like I projected. Although, I must say, it's been an interesting ride, and I'm remembering the best and worst of times these days. As I get older, I have begun to see things as they actually are instead of how the should be. I miss people that I never thought I would and I feel differently than maybe I should...

To Paige, Allison, and Megan (as well as Robert, Clay, and Kevin): You guys never cease to amaze me. Nothing ever changes, and when I'm with you guys, it doesn't matter that I'm unmarried with no kids (and, consequently, very little life). Even though I feel so far behind you guys at times, it's always great to have friends who know your past and anticipate your future.

To Emily, Josh, and Jonathan: I seriously don't know if I would have made it out alive if it weren't for you three. I know that y'all sometimes think that I am the glue that connects this awesome foursome, but you guys will never know that it was you who kept me connected in so many ways -- connected to God, connected to my passions, connected to real life. And you gave me a place to belong. I have spent most of my life thus far feeling like I don't really fit in anywhere, but I realize now that you three are my soulmates. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

To the Members of YKK (especially Meredith, Brandon, Nick, Eron, and Van): OMG I have never laughed as hard with anyone else as I have with you. Whether it was playing Battle of the Sexes (Sk...Sk...Skipper!), Trivial Pursuit (The Panama Canal flows THAT way!!), Balderdash (Spraints a Tot!), Hide and Seek (Van, I seriously hope your arm didn't suffer any permanent damage...), or Volleyball, I loved every minute and I know I can count on you when I need it most.

To the Boys Past, Present, and Future: I have been single for almost 28 years, and while that sometimes seems like a curse, it's also a blessing in disguise. I have lived on my own, traveled on my own, and survived on my own for a long time. I have had the opportunity to live independently and have learned how to ask for help when I need it. I am smart; I am successful; I am beautiful. I know it's intimidating for you sometimes. I can be intense. I can argue both sides. I can make you feel as big as the world or as small as nothing in the blink of an eye. But I will also get to tell one of you someday that I've had too much of me and not enough of you. Keep waiting on me. Don't give up. I can't run forever.

It's crazy the clarity that comes with old age. :) So anyway, onto THE LIST!!

1) I love the cheese biscuits from Jim 'N Nick's BBQ. With honey butter, please.

2) Christmas holds less luster than it used to. Maybe it's that pesky No-Santa-Claus thing.

3) Sara Bareilles has a recording of "Sittin' On the Dock of the Bay" that I love. She's out of tune in the opening. Fact. Not fiction.

4) Toy commericals really do work on children. My neice saw a commerical for the baby doll that goes to the potty, and all she's been singing for weeks is, "Pee-Pee in the Pot-ty! Pee-Pee in the Pot-ty!" It's annoying. She got the Pee-Pee doll for Christmas to shut her up.

5) I am really jealous of my married (and newly engaged) friends. But when I really stop and think about it, I seriously can't image the feeling of actually wanting to be married. Don't misunderstand me... I want to be married more than anything. I want to share my life with someone. I want to have a family. But that feeling when you go from dating to serious... and then he asks... and then that overwhelming feeling that all engaged girls inevitably get. That feeling that brings tears immediately to your eyes when you realize that you actually want to be with this one person forever. I am jealous of that feeling.

Enough pouring my heart out for one day. Next post promises to be light-hearted. :)

Playing Games of Catch-Up

2008-12-15T16:20:00.008-06:00

Can it really have only been a little less than 2 weeks since I posted?? I know that perhaps the every-other-week thing seems a bit sparse, but these past couple of weeks have literally seemed like a lifetime!...

I've become a massively huge fan of Picnik... and for those of you who don't know what it is, it's a free photo-editing website. Well, technically I guess you can subscribe and get more features if you pay money, but who wants to do that?? Not me. Anyway, just for grins, here are a few pictures I've taken over the course of a few millenia (so it seems). Enjoy!!

I call this one "First Avenue Lady." It was taken in downtown Birmingham... from my car... pretty much in the middle of the day... obviously on First Avenue. I played a bit with the colors and the exposure, and I'm pretty pleased with the results.

This is a photo I took from the ferry going from San Francisco to Sausalito, CA. It's an absolutely beautiful place... freezing... even in August, and especially on the water. I hyper-saturated the colors to make the sunset appear more brilliant, which I LOVE!! The picture now looks exactly like Sausalito does in my memory... stunning.

This really is one of my favorite pictures I've ever taken. It's a section of RR tracks not far from my house that are very rarely used anymore. I love the picture just because it makes it seem like part of a ghost town or something. Very solemn. Very lonely. Melancholy even. I took the picture in sepia and then tinted it with red.

I took this picture in Destin, FL a couple years back. The beach was pretty eroded from a recent hurricane and everything had this worn look about it, especially this old boardwalk. What I really love about the picture is that you definitely can't tell that at the end of this bridge were some VERY steep steps going down to the water. And you can't tell even more that the steps had been washed away by the storm and just left this 20 foot drop just over the edge. It was frightening, but the picture makes it look like a tiny bit of nostalgia. I used the same grainy exposure as I did with the First Avenue Lady, saturated some of the colors, and then used a sharpening tool to bring out some of the whites and define individual pieces. I think it turned out really nice.

Here's my tribute to Auburn Road... you're welcome, Josh. The exposed brick wall and dim, even intimate lighting lent itself very well to a softed version of this picture. It definitely makes them look more professional.... :)

I have LOADS of other pictures, and I'll try to be better at posting some of them so you can enjoy them too! But, it's time again for the things I've learned lately, which is not much. I think I've passed the learning curve...

1. Pets belong at the zoo. OK, maybe I didn't just learn this, and I know I'm going catch a lot of flack from you animal-lovers out there. Please hear me out... I don't hate your pets. I just shouldn't have any. To me, it seems a bit like burning $20 bills. I can pay a few bucks and get my fill of the pets at the zoo. Once a year is good enough for me.

2. I am more afraid of Kevin Bacon than I am of roaches. This disgusts me. Whenever a Kevin Bacon movie comes on TV, I feel all awkward and panicky and my palms get all sweaty and I have to close my eyes. Yes, I realize that this is completely and utterly irrational... my mysterious KevinBaconophobia. And I used to be terrified of roaches, but just the other night one honked as he crawled past me in the garage. I didn't even jump!! I was just very still as I called my sister out to take care of it. But later that night, "Footloose" came on TV and I thought I needed an inhaler.

3. I want a vampire boyfriend. I realize that I am getting weirder by the day, but Twilight has made me strangly envious of fictional vampire love that spans centuries. Sigh...

4. Publix has made organic shopping so easy!! I was recently convicted about all the chemicals I was adding to my body via food, and while I can't say that I go out of my way to buy organic foods, I have realized that they tend to taste better and they don't make me feel bad for eating a bunch of chemicals. At Publix, they mark all the organic foods with a brown price label and the non-organics with a white one. Now I don't even have to think about it!! I love America.

Well kiddos... enjoy the rest of your week! I know it's only Monday, but every day is one closer to Friday! :)

Lost

2008-12-03T16:38:00.003-06:00

It's a strange concept to me... lost. It's definitely NOT a destination. You've planned a near-perfect route and you're cruising along when all of a sudden... WHAM! You're lost. And sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you can't seem to find the turn you took that steered you so far off course. But it happens to the best of us, and I'm feeling pretty lost today. There are three very distinct reasons why. Read on (if you dare)...

1) "God has someone special out there for you."

Now, I realize that it might sound just a bit pretentious and maybe even just plain insane that this uplifting little statement could make me feel absolutely lost. But in all honesty, I think if I hear this phrase spoken to me one more time, I seriously might yak in someone's face. (Yes, please consider this a warning.) I am at an age where just about everyone I know is in some combination of monogamy, marriage, or getting some on a regular basis. So it seems pretty easy for them to say that there's a special someone out there for me too.

Honestly, I don't know if there's someone out there for me. I completely understand that you can't be outside the will of God and expect the blessings of God, but I'm having a really hard time even figuring out what it is that I'm even doing wrong here! If he's out there, is it really too much to ask that he show himself... and soon, please, before I completely lose it. Most of my friends/coworkers/family like to say condesending things like "Oh, you're so lucky. You get to have a career and friends and do whatever you want to." What they don't realize is that the desires of my heart are to have a happy little marriage, a happy little family, all living together in a happy little house. My desires are not for work or career or freedom. The grass is always greener...

Being mad at God is NOT something that comes naturally for me. I'm a blame taker and a peace maker, so it's hard for me to be or stay mad at God (or anyone, for that matter) when I know there's probably an insanely long list of my faults and wrongdoings that can be thrown back in my face. I shudder to think of that conversation. But I seriously am having trouble believing that God would withhold something that He knows would make me so unbelievably happy while allowing my parents to push me to plan my 19-year-old sister's wedding! This one little event has the potential to crush my spirit so thoroughly, so completely.

I feel like God is holding out on me! I can so easily see how Eve was "tricked" into partaking of the beautiful, perfect yet forbidden fruit. Satan convinced her that God was holding out on her. He was withholding something wonderful, something perfect, something she should be entitled to. It's becoming harder and harder to be obedient when rebellion seems too beautiful, too perfect, too easy.

2) "You're really not going to tell me anything about your life?"

Maybe I just have a short fuse these days, but when I heard this statement, I seriously wanted to shift into a werewolf and claw some eyes out. First of all, there's not much to tell. Second of all, I am not in such a bad position in life that I need someone to feign interest in my life. He didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to hear it when we were dating, and now that he's made the unilateral decision that we "could be great friends," he is fishing for information. Information that I'm doing worse without him. Which I'm not. I'm not worse off. I'm just lost. It's hard to feel bad or good when you're frantically trying to find a way back to your normal life. But even if I wanted to be brutally honest about how my life has improved post-taxman, I am always the one to do/say exactly what is expected. And even though I want to lash out, stay angry, hold a massive grudge, I don't. I answer the phone every single time. Sometimes I find myself so annoying...

3) "You're not really going to buy a house here, are you?"

This is probably the worst, most frustrating sentence in the entire world. At least for me anyway, because I never thought I'd be a townie. And it's not that being a townie is a bad thing... I just really, honestly never thought it would be me. I am the mover. I am the accomplisher. I am perpetually on to bigger and better things. Right?

But what if I'm not? What if I'm no better or worse than anyone else who moves home? Even if I moved to a completely different city with completely new faces, new opportunities, new scenery... would anything really be any different? Wouldn't I still be me? Me, surrounded by newer, married/monogamous/parental faces.

And this whole house thing... I just honestly don't know what else to do! I mean, seriously, if I bought a house, what would I do with it? Live in it alone?? I have no idea how to do that! But, again, I just don't know what else to do! It seems like the most plausible option at this point. It's too expensive to rent and a ridiculous waste of money. But it's SOOOO permanent to buy. What's a girl to do??

Kiddos, I have no idea what I've learned this week. I have no words of wisdom. Maybe you could share some news with me... you never know what might make it into my next post!!

Adios...

It's Turkey Time!!

2008-11-26T09:45:00.007-06:00

Wow... I created my title with such enthusiasm that it really doesn't matter that I don't like turkey. At least not the Thanksgiving kind. I can tolerate it pretty well on a sandwich at Panera. I'm more of a ham or chicken sort of girl.

Anyway... despite our founding fathers' poor choice of Thanksgiving poultry, Thanksgiving means that it's officially the start of the holiday season!! YAY!! Thanksgiving makes it OK to listen to Magic 96.5's "All Christmas Music, All the Time." (Please ignore the fact that I've been listening to Christmas music since Halloween.) Thanksgiving makes it OK to over-decorate the house, the tree, the front porch... (Please also ignore the fact that I've been buying ornaments for my tree since January.) Christmas usually puts people in a great mood... well, except for the people at the Galleria, but they don't count as real people. Those frantic-Christmas-shopper types could generally pass easier as Pod People. But besides the retail workers and the over-zealous shoppers, people are generally in a good, cheery sort of mood. Happy almost. :) I like it.

I am reeling from my very fantastic weekend in Gainesville... you folks should be so lucky. I'm convinced that everyone wishes they had my friends. And if you happen to be one of those negative, cranky people who don't actually wish you had my friends, humor me. It's Christmas, after all. Here are some of the highlights...

My new favorite chair... I LOVE IT!! Just in case you can't actually see the price tag, it definitely says $349. It did not make it home with me. Instead, I bought the same fabric in the floor sample/scratch & dent section and am going to make a headboard!! I know you're jealous. Try to restrain yourselves.

Notice the matching fabric on the bench cushions. And the bench for the table is built directly onto the kitchen bar... clever, huh? I really, REALLY like this whole room concept. Here are a couple more pics:

Please ignore the poorly dressed people in this photo. They apparently were unconcerned that I was trying to document my future home decor for the masses. In any event, the room was awesome. I heart IKEA.

I haven't learned much to speak of lately, though it's not from a lack of trying. But here are a few things to note:

1) I am unfathomably addicted to the Twilight series. Who knew that a teenage vampire love story could be so intriguing?!? I am almost finished with the second book, New Moon. It's a great read.

2) I frequently find myself trying to image what life must be like for people very different from myself. For instance, I can't image what it must be like to NOT like to read. My sisters think reading is work. That's a strange concept to me.

3) Bad grammar and poor spelling irritate me. Especially in e-mails and even in text messages. I was reading the back of a Post cereal box this past weekend. The text was like 5 "sentences." 4 out of 5 were incomplete sentences. How disappointing, Post. I cannot support poor grammar from a major corporation. Surely someone there can proofread your boxes before they're printed. Until then, goodbye Pecan Maple Crunch cereal.

4) Bottled water at Disney World costs more than soda. This is because water quenches your thirst and soda does not. Bad for me... but good for Disney. Congrats on that outstanding business move.

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all! Hope it's blessed!

Because I Felt Like It

2008-11-18T14:55:00.003-06:00

Hold yourselves back, folks... I'm posting two days in a row. I don't know why... I just felt like posting a new list. A "Happy Things" list. A girl I went to high school with started a "Happy Things" list back in the day, so I'm going with that idea. Here's a list of random things that make me happy...

1) iTunes
2) The Color Yellow
3) Holding Hands at the Movies
4) Finding Money in the Pocket of My Coat
5) Leaving Work Early for No Reason at All
6) Brightly Colored Knee-High Socks
7) The Drama of "The Hills"
8) Weather Cold Enough to Wear a Scarf
9) Random E-Mails from Long-Lost Friends
10) The Song "Curbside Prophet" by Jason Mraz
11) Making My Nieces Laugh
12) Choir Music
13) Conversations at the Work Lunch Table
14) New Haircuts
15) Useless Trivia
16) Corny Jokes
17) Decorating for Christmas
18) Snow (In Case We Ever Get Any...)
19) San Francisco, CA
20) The Feeling of Anticipation
21) Historic Buildings
22) Pretty Pictures
23) Giving Somebody a Really Great Gift
24) Chick-fil-A Milkshakes
25) The First Warm Day of Spring
26) Dancing in the Dark When There's No One Else Around
27) Southern Gospel Music
28) Wrapping Presents
29) Buying a New Pair of Shoes
30) Finding the Perfect Shade of Red Nail Polish
31) Target
32) American Idol
33) The Polk County Picnic & What's the Matter, Nannybird
34) The New Sharpie Pens
35) Peppermint Mocha from Starbucks
36) Playing Cards
37) Auburn University
38) A Great View
39) O'Henry's Frisco Chicken Pocket Sandwich
40) Being Crafty
41) Dave Barnes
42) Playing Text Twist on MSN Games
43) Sylvester the Snake
44) Wireless Internet
45) Crystal Light Raspberry Lemonade
46) Hobby Lobby
47) MySpace Bulletins
48) Starz Karaoke Lounge
49) Halloween Costumes
50) Nickel Creek
51) Josh's Cop Stories
52) Sk-Sk-Skipper
53) Sunshine
54) Romantic Walks
55) Trashy Tabloid Magazines
56) Mexican Food & Margaritas
57) My Birthday
58) Rick & Bubba's Turkey Toss
59) Compliments
60) Hugs from My Granddaddy

OK, that's enough for now... feel free to let me know what makes you happy and I'll post it! :)

Sing Over Me

2008-11-17T13:41:00.002-06:00

These past couple of weeks have been very tired ones. Maybe that doesn't make sense, but it's true... I've had a couple very tired weeks. Where work is concerned, I'm pumped up. I'm motivated. I'm ready to get some exciting things in the works. And there's obviously a lot going on personally with my sister's new baby and all... so my weeks have been tired and I haven't been posting like the dedicated blogger that I promised myself I would be.

My friend and I have decided that we're going to start a little business on the side... on the side of what? Well, in between babies that are growing too fast, making meals for familes, piles of dirty laundry, full-time jobs, making time for church, and "finding ourselves" (where have we gone??)... we have decided to put our craftiness to work. We're calling it "Dots & Doodles." We make personalized gifts for women and children (because let's face it... when was the last time your husband/boyfriend/father/brother came home and said, "Honey, I'd really like to have one of those really cute framed scrapbook pages made"? Get real.). It's becoming a lot of work to get stuff ready, but it's been fun so far. I promise to post some pictures very soon...

It's great for you guys that I'm terrible at writing essay and am better at lists. Let's not delay, shall we? Here's the things I've learned recently:

1) "Obama kills the babies just like Pharoh." As funny as I find this little quip, it makes me wonder what we're teaching children when we think no one is listening. I learned many moons ago (with literally dozens of children growing up around me), you shouldn't say anything you don't want repeated. If you don't believe me, say a swear word in front of your child. He/she will repeat it when you're least expecting it... probably during church sometime.

2) I am beginning to believe that people can fall in love via the internet. This is a big step for me. I'm a late bloomer.

3) You can buy "Christmas Tree Scent" in a spray bottle at Wal-Mart. Apparently this little invention has been around for ages... and apparently it never occurred to me that I could just buy some Pine Sol or something to put on my artificial tree... but anyway, I'm obsessed with getting some for my artificial tree now. I love artificial trees because I'm a perfectionist and there are just too many unknowns with the real trees... you might have wayward branches to cut off or you might not have even branch distribution. I know this may seem a little OCD to you, but trust me, I'm a Christmas-tree-decorating-expert. These things matter. But now, I get the best of both worlds. I won't miss the real thing at all!

4) Miley Cyrus has a YouTube page called "The Mandy & Me Show." (I don't know why I'm always the last person to learn of these things.) Enough Miley is already too much. Stop the madness.

5) I love to make my 3-year-old niece say "Hello Kitty." She has a hard time with hard K- and C- sounds... and replaces them with a T- sound. So she says "Hello Titty." Yes, I actually am 5.

More to post soon....!! Enjoy the day!

Holy Cow!! So Much Has Happened!!

2008-10-27T13:23:00.006-05:00

So I'm sure there's no way on God's green earth that I could ever explain all the things that have happened over the last couple of weeks since I've written, so I'll make one of my famous lists!! Things I've learned from life...

1) I am an aunt again! Lakyn Catherine was born at 11:11am on Tuesday, October 21, 2008. She weighed 7lbs. and 12 ozs. and was 20 3/4 inches long. She's absolutely beautiful!! How can you love someone so much that you just met??

2) Auburn football is still in a recession. It needs a government stimulus package.

3) I have grown very tired of the election nonsense. People are too emotional about it - probably that includes me too, but I haven't figured out why people can't talk rationally about the issues of policy AND of character without there being bloodshed. 8 days and counting...

4) I am unnaturally obsessed with cutting my split ends off. And I realize that I just ended that sentence with a preposition... and I realize even more that knowing it's not gramatically correct to end a sentence with a preposition offically qualifies me for geek status.

5) I am no longer perfectly content on my own. This used to be the case, but I'm old now and ready to move on to bigger and better things. I feel very behind in life.

6) Weather forecasting is NOT an exact science. And people get VERY ticked if the forecast around here isn't spot-on. It all seems very silly to me, but you wouldn't believe the number of people who are still wearing inappropriate clothing for the end of October and then blaming the weather people for their poor fashion choices.

7) Boys are extremely confusing, which makes #5 a bit of a quandry.

8) I make LOTS of lists... I think I could write a book full of lists and it would provide a very accurate picture of my life. Which is a bit frightening in some ways... knowing your entire life can be listed on a piece of scrap paper.

Keep your heads up, kiddies! I feel a change in the air...

Whew! What a weekend!

2008-10-11T23:35:00.004-05:00

I'm getting great at this every-other-week thing. I wish I could be like one of those serious bloggers who do this like every day, but I don't have that kind of work ethic. At least not for blogging. Plus, I just don't think I have that much to say.

I would really like to visit Greece. I don't know why that's on my mind today, but it is. It seems like my days of fun and adventure are over... at least they've slowed a considerable bit since college. Ah, to have loads of time and disposable income again... It's tragic, really, the way we're always pining for some part of life that we feel like we're missing out on. Maybe it's just me (although I'd wager money that it's not just me), but it seems a rare occasion to find someone who can't think of one thing they'd rather have or want to do that they can't or don't already. So does this mean we're all just wandering around in malcontent, waiting for magical moments in a vast sea of ordinary-ness?

I for one love magic. Not magic in the "wanna see a card trick" sort of way, but the magic that seems to happen when you least expect it. I can remember this one time when I was in Seattle, I wandered off to the Puget Sound just to gather my thoughts and have a little quiet time with God. It was a wonderful event in and of itself, me and God walking together in the Pacific Northwest. But I didn't see the magic. Not yet, anyway. I had made myself a comfy little home on a rock overlooking a particularly beautiful spot and was practically beside myself with loneliness, pouring my heart out like water before the Lord. And then the magic happened. I dried my eyes long enough to see a whale surface and blow his watery mist into the air. It truly was magic. Beautiful, wonderful, marvelous magic. Of course, there are those other kinds of magic that happen to us... those magical things that we could never plan or calculate on our own. They just sort of seem to happen.

In any event, it seems that I have learned LOTS of new things since the last time I posted a list, so I'll get right to it.

1) The race of a child is always the same as the race of the mother. So if a white woman and a black man have a child, the race of the child will be white. Check Barack Obama's birth certificate. It's true.

2) Auburn football is in a recession. Maybe it's linked to the economy.

3) When John F. Kennedy was elected President, one of his big electing points was that we would go to the moon. He had no idea how to accomplish that task but was determined to do so anyway. I don't happen to be one of those conspiracy theorists, but I'm not entirely convinced that we went to the moon. It seems a bit more likely that we created a great looking, extremely convincing moon in the backlot of Universal Studios. Congrats, though, JFK. Most everyone is proud of your foresight.

4) Joe Biden saw FDR on TV in the 1920's. Now, I know some of you might be thinking, Miss Informed, there was no TV in the 1920's. Still more of you may be thinking, Miss Informed, Joe Biden couldn't have been alive in the 1920's and still be "young" enough to run for VP. Listen folks, it's apparently the American way to believe what politicians tell you. Don't ask me; ask Joe Biden how it's possible. If Obama can visit 57 states, surely Joe Biden can watch a little TV.

5) Spaniards are, I think, the nicest and most hygiene-conscious of all the Europeans.

6) There really is nothing that can replace having great friends. :)

Have a great weekend... and WAR EAGLE (despite the recession)!!

It's Sunday!

2008-10-05T16:36:00.005-05:00

Have you heard that song... That's what I love about Sundays? I hate it. No, I mean seriously... I hate it. It gets on my nerves. It's cute-sy and all, but writing a song about cutting coupons and singing off-key and then singing it in a twangy voice DOES NOT remind me of my favorite day of the week. I'm pretty sure I'm quite alone in feeling this way, but it doesn't really matter to me what you think. I still don't like the song. Sundays, however, equal LOVE!

It's getting to be that time of year that makes me happy to live in Alabama. It's really cool in the mornings and it just smells like cool weather. I'm not really sure how to describe that smell... just like the smell of aniticipating the holidays mixed with College GameDay and a little lunchtime breeze thrown in. It just makes me happy. The clothes around here definitely get prettier. I don't know if you've noticed, but living in the South during the summertime apparently means you can shed every semblance of modest clothing without repercussion. Worse actually, I think the boys around here actually count down the days until the sweaters and jeans come off and are replaced by midriff-baring tops (no matter what your midriff looks like and with no thought as to whether or not the rest of the world wants to see your midriff) and shorts and skirts so short my mom would spank me if I ever thought about leaving the house in something similar. And I'm 27. Scandalous.

I haven't watched any of the debates. I know that sort of sounds like a confession... and maybe it is... but nonetheless, I haven't watched the debates. I feel a little guilty because I was all gung-ho when Sarah Palin was chosen as the Republican Vice-Presidential candidate. If it were possible, I would like to be her. She's amazing to me. She's polished. She's down-to-earth. She's facing problems that my family can relate to. She cares about something other than politics. And she does it all never once getting a hair out of place. Honestly, I don't know a woman - Republican or Democrat - that isn't jealous of her. Just a little bit.

But the fact still remains that I haven't watched any of the debates. I think it's my way of being passive-aggressive about the state of this country. It's in a mess. I used to think that the government actually created some sort of crisis during an election year to challenge people to do something. But I've abandoned that theory now, seeing as how I don't think even the most progressive politician would have let things get this out of control. So seeing as how I can't wholeheartedly agree with either party, this is what I have decided... (Write this down. If everyone subscribes to my way of thinking someday, entire elections will be decided on this one thing.) I will vote for whichever candidate lets me decide how my own hard-earned money is best spent.

I think I could seriously reform this country, so in lieu of my regular list of things I've learned, I'm giving you my list of fixes for this country. It has taken a lot of thought, plus a few borrowed ideas from some people with far better ideas than my own. Here goes...

1) TAXES: Taxes will be cut to 10% across the board. If you're an individual, you'll pay 10% of your income in taxes to the government. If you're a corporation, you'll pay 10% of your income in taxes to the government. No more exemptions. No more calculations. No more spending half your paycheck at H&R Block trying to find extra money to take home. 10% for everyone. I figure if it's good enough for God, it's good enough for me.

2) GAS PRICES: I will offer Iran, Iraq, Venezuela, Saudi Arabia and whoever else we still buy oil from $20 a barrel for oil. Take it or leave it. Non-negotiable. $20 a barrel. No sense in our enemies getting rich while our everyday citizens are having to take second jobs to have gas money to get to their first job. If they decide they will not accept $20 a barrel, fine. We'll dig up our reserves. We'll create new jobs in refineries to get anything we drill up at home ready for consumption. And we'll find an alternative source for gasoline. And if we don't succeed in finding an alternative fuel, it's our own stinkin' fault for letting it get this bad in the first place.

3) IMMIGRATION: If you come here legally, welcome. Take an English class. Get a job. Learn the rules of the road. Just like everyone else before you. However, if you attempt to cross our border illegally, we will greet you with a backpack, a rifle, and a one-way ticket to Iraq. If you can survive 15 months over there fighting for the country you're so desperate to become a part of, we'll let you in for free. Good luck.

4) THE ECONOMY: If I seriously knew how to fix this, believe me I already would have. But as the situation stands now, our all-knowing government has agreed to write checks to banks and other financial institutions who made risky loans to underqualified lenders. As a taxpayer, it doesn't really seem like this is my problem; however, the government has now made it my problem. So since we've already offered these businesses the money, I say we clean some house while we're at it. If you, as a private financial institution, are now asking the federal government and, by extension, the taxpayers of the USA for financial help, we will give you the money to keep your business afloat. But the management will be replaced. All of it. I would not, under any circumstances, allow the management of an institution that has gotten themselves this far in trouble to continue running that business with my taxpayers' hard-earned money. Sorry. You blew it. I'm sure there are plenty of jobs elsewhere.

Off the soapbox. Enjoy your Sunday!

Do You Get Anxious Only at Night?

2008-09-26T22:41:00.003-05:00

It's pretty much my very favorite time of year, and we're right in the thick of it. In spite of all the other things going on in my life at the moment, I really don't think I could be much more excited than I am right now. Auburn football just puts this giant smile on my face...

Even though we lost last week. Ick.

Sometimes I wish that everyone was an Auburn fan. Weird, huh? Auburn fans are generally nice to others... and welcoming and accomodating. It's just the Auburn way and I think everyone should be the same. However, today I decided that there are WAY too many people that I DON'T want to be Auburn fans because they act like crazy people and they are vulgar and just plain mean. One year when I was in college, some jerks from LSU burned a building down. To the ground. I certainly don't want them on my team. Or anywhere near me for that matter. Hopefully we have very little in common. I am not a jerk. Or at least I'm not a jerky fan. Unlike SOME people.

I love cool weather. And I mean seriously love. I could sit outside all day and just chill out and drink tea and smell the leaves and the chill in the air and the food on the grill. And I know that grilling is supposedly one of those "summertime" sort of activities, but why? It's too hot. And anyone who knows me knows that I don't like to sweat. Unless it's on purpose, of course. And there's just something comforting about the cool air and grilling out and getting to sit on the deck or the patio and just take some time to be outdoors. It's lovely.

Anyway, enough of the chit-chat. The things I've learned...

1) I hate parking decks. I understand that they are very, very convenient and allow lots and lots of people to park in a minimal amount of space. But I really hate them. I feel like you're always playing chicken with oncoming traffic. And if you happen to be lucky enough to be in parking deck that has one-way ups and downs (i.e., no two-way traffic), you can't ever really relax because there's always the distinct possibility that some elderly person will turn the wrong way. This is especially true of hospital parking.

2) The scariest movies generally don't have music continually playing in the background. This is so that when something scary happens, the movie-makers can actually make you pee 3 drops in your pants by playing some random sound really loud at the same time someone jumps out of bed or scares you by looking at you through a window. It's disturbing how well this works. Every time.

3) You really can glue your fingers together with Super Glue. It works, trust me. I do not recommend trying this one your own just to see if I'm telling the truth.

4) "Uncopyrightable" is the longest word in the English language that uses every vowel exactly once and never repeats a vowel. If you can spell that in Scrabble, you win forever.

Later dudes...

People Suck

2008-09-24T16:25:00.001-05:00

No seriously, they really do. No matter how great some folks are, it's just inevitable that they will eventually let you down. Done deal. Proven fact. No disputable evidence otherwise. People just suck.

I'm one of those people who tend to want to "fix" things, situations, people... whatever is around. I'm like a emotional, behavioral, situational handyman. Or handygirl as the case may be. I'm a fixer. I fix things. Or at least I try to. And it never quite works out the way I want it to because people are the way they are for a reason. Some people are awesome, and when they let you down they say they're sorry and you believe them because you know that they really mean it and that they'll honestly try to never let you down in that way again. It's a wonderful and rare thing, these people. And then there are people who let you down and they say they're sorry and you believe it, not because it's really true but because you like having them in your life and you just so desperately want to believe it. So you do and you shut yourself off emotionally and when they let you down again, it's really no big deal because you didn't have that much invested anyway.

And then there's the worst kind of people -- people who are never sorry. The ones who place blame and make everything someone else's fault. And these are the worst, most deceptive kind of people for fixers like me because you tend to love them so much and then when something happens, they put just enough blame on you to make you believe that if you just take the blame then it'll be over and things will go back to normal. But they never go back to normal, they just learn that placing blame on you fixes things, kind of like putting a band-aid on a stab wound. And it's a vicious, sickening cycle for the fixers of the world because there's really no easy way out of this kind of situation. It's unfixable. And that's the worst because it makes the fixer feel like a failure. Ick.

But like I said before, people are the way they are for a reason. I'm about to sound wise beyond my years here, but maybe the people who are never sorry are only there to help the fixers learn that there's no point in trying to "fix" people. Fixing things, yes. Fixing situations, perhaps. But fixing people? Not up to me. And things that I can't control, that I can't "fix," make me feel like I'm a failure. It's a nasty way to go through life, always trying to fix things that can't be fixed. At least not fixed by me. Maybe I'm just not a good fixer. Or maybe I just need to find people that don't need any adjustments. Yeah, right. Good luck.

So things I've learned lately...

1) You're not supposed to yell "RAPE!" if you're being raped. You're supposed to yell FIRE...?

2) Sugar Free Pudding really does taste every bit as good as the real kind with all the sugar.

3) I have an abnormal fascination with children's clothes that look like shrunken versions of grown-up clothes.

4) Strength is something that comes when you least expect it. Not physical strength, the kind you have to work for. Emotional strength, the kind that can only come with knowing you're a child of the Most High God. Strength and joy and perseverance and patience... I'm convinced these are not qualities that are readily available to everyone all the time. They only appear when you think there's nothing left for you to fall back on. The things are God's way of saying, "Don't forget about Me. I haven't forgotten about you."

Until Next Time...

Seriously People

2008-09-19T15:26:00.001-05:00

The great thing about the United States these days is that the stuff that's going on is so crazy, I don't even have to MAKE UP comedy. I can just REPORT comedy. Prices are up, the stock market is down. I feel like I should cry... but there's so much to laugh at!

I seriously was driving home last weekend, just as Hurricane Ike was rolling in to Texas, and of course everyone in Alabama was in a panic. (And panic is just the beginning... ask me what it's like around here if there's a snow flurry...) Anyway, of course gas stations are jacking the prices up really high since Alabamians have no trouble whatsoever believing that the United States might SERIOUSLY run out of gas or something. And it really shouldn't be funny... but then I drove through my small town and saw that there was a gas station offering gas for the low, low price of $3.89. Not even exaggerating, there must have been close to 50 cars littering the highway, all waiting to get their maximum allowance of 10 gallons of gas. But that wasn't even the funny part. The police were out front directing traffic. Seriously people? Wait until Monday to buy gas.

Since it's Friday and I'm trying to get out of this office, here's the list of things I've learned this week:

1) You can smoke heroin. Apparently you can smoke any drug. Shows how much I know.

2) There is a lady who works on our floor who has no trouble whatsoever warning folks who enter the bathroom when she has diarrhea. Weird.

3) Urbandictionary.com really exists. It's especially good for white people who don't realize just how white they really are.

Have a great weekend, friends!