A Change of Scenery

It's the end of January, and already it seems that 2011 is flying by! Maybe it really is an age thing... that sense that time moves faster with every year you get older. A lot of things are happening in and around me, and I feel God leading me in so many new directions. I'm doing a pretty bang-up job on my New Year's Resolutions; I have started taking classes at Samford towards the completion of my photography certificate; I've started a new fitness class and plan to begin training to run a 5K as soon as the weather gets warm enough. I auditioned to be on TV (again!) and have finally been able to zip my favorite Gap jeans again! So far, 2011 looks pretty promising... can't wait to see what God has in store for me this year!

So several (and by several I mean A LOT of) months ago I promised to put more of my pictures up... so I'm taking this opportunity to do what I have failed to do very well as of yet. Here are some of the pictures I've taken over the past year, and once I get settled into this photography program, I hope I'll only get better! Stay tuned (and enjoy)!

Next Stop? Vegas, Please

It's 2011! (I'm sure you were quite aware of this fact, seeing as how it's been 2011 for 4 days now...) 2011 doesn't really mean anything special to me... except that it's a new year. It's time for new ideas, new beginnings, new resolutions (::sigh::). Oh, and I turn 30 this year (::whine::).

I don't know why I can't seem to get excited about this year. The new year is usually a spectacularly optimistic time for me. I'm sure it has very little to do with the turning 30 part and more to do with the lack of direction I seem to be finding myself dealing with. It's very strange. Let me 'splain...

I'm about to hit the Big Three-Oh. (Please, take a moment and let that sink in.) I don't know if I'm supposed to feel like this is one of those huge milestone birthdays or something, but for some reason that number... 30... seems to represent all the things that I haven't quite gotten right yet. It's so horribly pessimistic of me, and yet it's a feeling that I can't quite seem to shake. I'm not anywhere near where I thought I'd be by the time I turned 30... not that it's bad. It's just different. I know that I have a pretty great life. I mean, there are a lot of things that could be different... and a lot of things that I'm sure could be better in some ways... but overall, I really feel like I have a pretty great life. I have a great job. I have a fabulous house that I bought all by myself (and if you know me very well at all, I'm sure you realize what a HUGE accomplishment this was). I have a car. I have money in savings (although not as much as I would like, but we're working on it). I have money in a retirement account. I tithe (although also not as much as I would like, but I'm getting there). I have a great family. I have 3 stunningly beautiful nieces. I have a supportive church family and a wonderful pastor.

It seems entirely reasonable that I should look at 2011 with optimism and hope... rather than with apathy. And my own apathy makes me feel ungrateful and horribly out of touch with my own reality. So what's a girl to do? Before we go any further into this year, let's take a moment to recap 2010, shall we?...

Started 2010 with good friends, dancing, and lots of laughing. Madison turns 5! Work, work, work... RAISE! Dating. Cross Canadian Ragweed concert. Birthday Party! Barons games. The Masters. Sara & Josh's wedding (finally!). Hanging out in Auburn. Going to New Orleans alone. Not dating. Put a contract on a house! New clients = new friends. Closing! Work trips to Destin/Mobile/Fairhope/Orange Beach. Dad's army retirement. More work. CBC Women's Retreat. Back2Church Sunday. Dating again. Atrox! Not dating again. Vacation to DC! Lakyn turns 2! Josh visits. Jonathan visits. Lots more work. Jillian is born! Thanksgiving. Christmas. Devin visits. Big fights. Little victories...

And a partridge in a pear tree. (I feel like we need a moment of silence.)

So despite my apathy, I have determined that 2011 should be a good year. My friend Valerie told me once that my 20's just weren't my time. So, here's hoping that my 30's are my time... 'cause it's about time for it to be my time! So here are my resolutions...

1. Lose 30 pounds in honor of (and maybe in spite of?) my 30th birthday.

2. Begin to accept and celebrate people for who they actually are (instead of who I wished they would be).

3. Learn to balance my life better. (A balanced woman of God sees herself as valuable, gifted, responsible for her own growth and maturity - not overly dependent on anyone to get her through life or to make her secure.)

4. Stop being afraid to love. (EEK! Maybe I'll just take my chances with the weight loss...)

It's a new year. It's time for take life for what it is... and it's time to actually start living my life instead of just working my way through it. 2010 is gone... I can't get it back. I can't change it now. Some of the people who were in my life in 2010 aren't in my life as I begin 2011, and I'm sure that 2011 will bring it's own challenges, accomplishments, victories, and defeats. I know that every experience God gives me, every person He puts in my life, is the perfect preparation for a future that only He can see. So here's hoping for a great year... my 30th.

The Loneliness of Leadership

There is a dark and uncomfortable reality to leadership that never makes it into the glossy brochure. It's a reality that every leader experiences; it's hidden deep down in places leaders don't like to talk about at parties. That reality is this: leadership can be excruciatingly lonely.

The ministry I lead is in the midst of challenges. Energy is lagging. The group is tired. Attendance has gotten lax. Pressure is mounting. Momentum is a fondly remembered feeling of the past. And everyone is looking to me to re-energize the team, encourage attendance and commitment, and alleviate all the pressure. And the reality is, that place is a very lonely and challenging place to be.

Loneliness, whether real or imagined, can be discouraging, alientating and destructive to any ministry, but it's up to you (as the leader) to determine how to handle it. Leadership (in any capacity) is great when everything is going well, but it gets lonely blindingly fast when challenges are introduced. (For those of you who have ever led anything in your life, you know that challenges are introduced after about .018 seconds, and so you know that loneliness can set in pretty quickly.) You try to give it your best effort, to lead during the good times and during the challenging ones, but you know that you're only human and there's only so much you can do. Your group members seem to expect that you have unlimited energy, unlimited resources, and unlimited ideas.

So you're left with a choice: Keep up the charade or admit that you're a broken, limited human. (And believe me, I didn't like the choices much either, even while I typed those words.) But either way, the decision is entirely yours (and mine, as the case may be), and that's a very lonely place to live.

James put it this way: Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. Wow. This is definitely one of those verses that's a lot easier to read than to apply. But sometimes, when you find yourself in the depths of loneliness, all you can do is trust God to apply it for you.

The flip side of this is in examining our own relationships with those who are leading us. We begin to see how easy it is to expect our own leaders to know when we're struggling and when we need help. Those that are leading us, though, are often stretched themselves... and can only do so much. We expect our leaders to have the answers, and we feel a deeper sense of loneliness when they don't. We feel lonely when they issue challenge instead of encouragement. We feel lonely because we're doing to them to very thing that others are doing to us. We expect our leaders to have all the answers the same way that those we're leading expect that we can solve every problem.

Being a leader is hard. A lot harder... and sometimes a lot more... than we thought we signed up for. And it can be lonely. Excruciatingly, devastatingly lonely. We think that people are going to line up and applaud us, but more often than not, they're lined up with more problems, more complaints, and more needs. But even with these challenges, leadership (in any capacity) is a deep and holy calling. So stay the course. Finish the race. Consider it pure joy.

Do You Believe in Magic?

It's my favorite time of year!! The first part of November feels a little like that time between sleeping and waking... that part where you still remember dreaming. It's the time between hot, sticky summer days and cool, breezy autumn afternoons. It's the time when you take the backroads to work just so you can see the yellows and reds of the leaves on the trees and watch the ones that have already fallen off bluster all around in your rearview mirror when you drive past. It's the time where the Halloween parties are over, the costumes and the decorations have been put away, and yet it's still not quite time to get into the hustle and bustle of the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. It's absolutely perfect! God made this time of year just for me!

But since so many of you are gearing up to go full-speed into the holidays, I thought I'd take a minute to share something with my friends out there that are parents of kids who are at the age where the magic of Christmas is beginning to wane. I have a friend living in Maryland who has 2 children - Lucy, 9 and Alice, 5 - and early last year, Lucy busted the Tooth Fairy wide open. My friend knew it wouldn't be long before Santa Claus was similarly exposed, and she struggled for months with what she would say to Lucy when the subject of the false Santa came up. What she says here is pure parental magic, and it's a wonderful way for parents to expose the real Santa without losing the magic of Christmas... and more importantly, keeping the secret under wraps for younger children. Here's what she wrote on her blog last year:

A few months back, the Tooth Fairy got busted. She left a note for Alice up on her computer, and Lucy figured the whole business out. The Tooth Fairy cursed her need to write notes in elaborate fonts and tried to come up with a cover story, but it didn't fool Lucy. To her credit, Lucy has kept the secret from her little sister, who still hasn't lost a tooth and deserves to wake up with money under her pillow.

But the Tooth Fairy knew it couldn't be long before Santa was similarly unmasked. She didn't know when or how, but she knew the days of magic in her house, at least magic of a certain sort, were coming to an end. And the Tooth Fairy - by which I mean myself - was pretty darned sad about the inevitable, which finally arrived last week.

Lucy and I have been exchanging notes since the school year started. We've talked about all sorts of things - sports, books we'd like to read, adventures we'd like to have, even stories from when I was in third grade. For the most part, though, it's been light, casual stuff. Until last week.

I NEED TO KNOW, she wrote using capital letters for emphasis. ARE YOU SANTA? TELL ME THE TRUTH.

What do you do when your kid asks for the truth? You tell it of course, doing your best to figure out a way to keep at least some of the magic intact. So here's what I wrote:

Dear Lucy,

Thank you for your letter. You asked a very good question: "Are you Santa?"

I know you've wanted the answer to this question for a long time, and I've had to give it careful thought to know just what to say.

The answer is no. I am not Santa. There is no one Santa.

I am the person who fills your stockings with presents though. I also choose and wrap the presents under the tree, the same way my mom did for me, and the same way her mom did for her. (And yes, Daddy helps too.) I imagine you will someday do this for your children, and I know you will love seeing them run down the stairs on Christmas morning. You will love seeing them sit under the tree, their small faces lit with Christmas lights.

This won't make you Santa, though.

Santa is bigger than any person, and his work has gone on longer than any of us have lived. What he does is simple, but it is powerful. He teaches children how to have belief in something that they can't see or touch.

It's a big job, and it's an important one. Throughout your life, you will need this capacity to believe: in yourself, in your friends, in your talents, in your family and in God. You'll also need to believe in things you can't measure or hold in your hand. Here, I am talking about love, that great power that will light your life from the inside out, even during its darkest, coldest moments.

Santa is a teacher and I have been his student, and now you know the secret of how he gets down all those chimneys on Christmas Eve: he has help from all the people whose hearts he's filled with joy. With full hearts, people like Daddy and me take turns helping Santa do a job that would otherwise be impossible.

So, no. I am not Santa. Santa is love and magic and happiness. I'm on his team and now you are too.

I love you and I always will,

Mama

How Bad Do You Want It?

It's been a long time since I've written. It had to be that way so I could blow off some steam, figure things out, sort out my thoughts. For months and months now, I have struggled with being single, being lonely, and learning to trust God to be my safe place. I have become tough and independent and strong and wise. I have buried myself in mountains of work and church and leisure activities, trips with friends, volunteering, dating... I have been running. And why not? It's what I do best.

I have never felt closer to God and still farther away in all my life. Sometimes I get so righteous, wondering why God is still withholding something so precious to me when I'm trying my best to do things the right way. (And for what it's worth, I've tried doing things the wrong way to with no different results.) And then I feel guilty and throw myself into work at the church and into doing the right things and being on good behavior, thinking that more religion is just what I need. And I couldn't be more wrong.

I don't need more religion. I need more revival.

And isn't that true for all of us? As Christians we like the warm fuzzy feeling we get from going to church and singing some songs and listening intently to a sermon, sometimes even going so far as to scribble a few notes down on a scrap piece of paper that we stuff away in the 3rd chapter of the book of John and never read again. We attend on Sunday mornings on our best behavior, saying all the right things, praying for revival, and then go home. We pat ourselves on the back for being such good, obedient Christians. We mean well, don't we? Yet I've never seen good intentions set a man free.

I am convinced now more than ever that what's wrong with America and with the churches in America and with the Christians in America is not the economy. It's not politics. It's not poor schools or high taxes. It's not gambling. It's not drinking and drugs. It's not trade policies, wars, or child abuse. It's the APATHY of the Christians in America.

What has happened to the power of God? Did we stop believing in it? Did we stop claiming it? There is nothing more frustrating to me right now than the people of God trying to do the work of God without the power of God! How much longer can we go on like this?! How many more empty prayers can we lift up, asking God to send revival to us but never once truly committing to what it takes to do that? Asking God to revive our churches and restore our country isn't enough! It's not enough just to say the right things and play the right parts and I AM FURIOUS! I. HAVE. HAD. ENOUGH.

We are called to be above reproach yet we spend countless hours entrenched in judgment of others who don't measure up to standards we feel like God would approve of. We get our feelings hurt if someone sits in our seat or if the pastor doesn't shake our hand or if we don't like the music. We would rather complain and bellyache about what's wrong with the people of the church instead of doing the one thing we're called to do - love them. Unconditionally. No matter what.

See, it doesn't matter to Jesus who someone is or who they were. It only matters to Him who they could be. He sees past the past, so I can't understand why Christians can't do the same. Quit the complaining and the judgment and just accept people for who they are - warts and all. We can't expect that God is going to rain power and revival down on us by sitting in a service on Sunday, seething with disappointment or judgment or worse - self-righteousness. He's not going to love you any more because you showed up or brought your Bible. And how quickly most of us have forgotten where we came from ourselves.

Addiction. Bitterness. Anger. Self-righteousness. Complacency. Adultery. Lying. Cheating. Stealing. Coveting. Disrepect. Disenchantment. Malice. Rudeness, lewdness, and crudeness. Jesus saves. So why are we so quick to judge those we deem "not good enough"? Is it because our reliance on religion has replaced our need for revival?

How bad do you want it?

My dad taught me a long time ago that whenever you want something badly enough, you'll do just about whatever it takes to get it. If you want a new car, you save. If you want a new job, you schmooze. If you want a new girlfriend, you pursue. But how do we ask God for revival? By robbing Him of His tithes, by disappointing Him with lackluster worship, and by forgetting the very mess He rescued us from in the first place.

It's time to make up our minds, folks. We can't move forward by stradling the fence and we can't reach people for Jesus by pretending to be what we're not. We can't complete our destiny by divorcing our past. Either we want it or we don't. It's that simple.

The next time you're in church on a Sunday morning and you stand to sing another song or sit down to listen to another sermon, maybe you should start to remember. Remember who He is. Remember what He's done. And then ask yourself... how bad do you want it?

I Know the Heart of Life is Good

It's March. And the only thing I have in my head right now is that old country song "Time Marches On." I think Tracy Lawrence sung it? Anyway, for whatever reason all I can think about are the lyrics to the chorus... South moves north. North moves south. A star is born. A star burns out. The only thing that stays the same is everything changes. Everything changes... So true, Tracy. So true.

Everything changes. And usually it's those very things that you're clinging to the tightest... the ones that you so desperately wish would always stay the same... are the very ones that change the most.

There are so many things that I wish I could say to so many people. Things that would make them understand. Things that would explain my actions. Things that would explain my non-actions. But part of my problem has always been that I felt like words should be able to make people understand. And we all know that's not usually the case. Sometimes your actions... or your inactions... make people understand far more than words ever could.

My whole life I feel like I've been waiting for that one big moment. The moment that I know without a doubt that I love someone more deeply than I ever have before and ever will again. The moment when I know that no matter what happens, everything is going to turn out alright. But the more life I live, the more I realize that maybe there really is no big moment. Maybe love is not something that happens in one big moment. Or maybe it's my own fear that keeps me running from the big moments...

How do you explain when something that seems so perfect just doesn't feel right? How do you tell someone you love that the series of actions... and inactions... have made up a past that can't be overcome in the future? How do you decide to move on with someone new... someone with the potential to break your heart all over again? And how do you begin to decipher the fine line between politeness and sincerity?

Everything changes. A person I once thought would complete my life... doesn't. A person I once thought would change for me... won't. And a person I once thought would create that one big moment... hasn't.

So maybe life shouldn't be spent waiting for that one big moment. Maybe it's not the whirlwind trips or grand promises that make love great. Maybe the best we can hope for is someone who makes us laugh, someone who forces us to dream, someone who inspires us to become more. And maybe... just maybe... it's the small, everyday romances that are sometimes the most promising...

Buckets of Hope

Wow! It's been a loooooonng time since I've written, and although I've neglected my blog recently, I'm turning to it now to get the message out about a program called "Buckets of Hope." Read on...

By now we all know about the devastation in Haiti... the massive earthquake and the huge aftershocks have left most of the country in turmoil. Although the physical damage is extensive, the emotional damage could last a lifetime for many. While the country is healing, they need help... not from people with money (although that DOES help)... but from people with a compassionate heart.

I feel like I might should include a bit of a qualifier here, before I get to my blog. I DO NOT think it is an OBLIGATION that the people of the United States provide aid to Haiti. There are some of you out there, and I do not judge you if you are one of these people... but there are some of you who will read this and will be condescending at the very thought that anyone would ask you to help someone less fortunate than you. There are some of you who will read this and will truly believe with all your heart that you aren't going to help the people of Haiti - by all regards a 3rd world country - because you feel like they should be smart enough and strong enough to help themselves. If you happen to be one of those people, PLEASE read no further.

I sometimes have a hard time with the grace of God. (I know that statement may seem unrelated, but stay with me here because it really is important.) I have a hard time accepting God's grace into my life. I have a hard time admitting that I might need the help of someone infinitely wiser than me. I want to GIVE charity... not BE charity. But the problem with this is that at some point in my life, I had to come to the conclusion that I am God's charity case. And it's humiliating. And I use that word - humiliating - purposefully. Merriam-Webster's Dictionary defines humiliating as "extremely destructive to one's self-respect or dignity." And that's SO TRUE. But I had to be humiliated to realize that my own thoughts of myself weren't nearly as good as the thoughts that God thinks about me. And the moment that I chose to believe what He thinks about me rather than what I think about myself, I had to accept God's charity. I needed him to completely save my life.

So this post is meant for those of you who are, like me, living on God's charity...

The "Buckets of Hope" ministry came out of the Haiti Response Partnership between the Florida Baptist Convention, the International Mission Board, the Baptist Global Response, and the Southern Baptist Disaster Relief. Whether or not you're a baptist... or whether or not you agree with baptists... this program has been designed to provide relief to a group of people who desperately need God's charity... and He tells us in Matthew 25:45 that whatever we do for the least of these - for those whose standard of living is so far beneath us that we sometimes wonder how they even exist... for those who have not yet discovered the strength or the ambition or the creativity to make a life comparable to our own - whatever we do for them, we do for Him.

A "Bucket of Hope" is a five-gallon plastic bucket packed with pre-determined food products that will sustain one Haitian family for an entire week. For approximately $40, you can purchase the bucket and food and include the shipping charge to have a bucket delivered to a family in Haiti.

The Bucket:
The bucket should be a 5-gallon plastic bucket with a tight-fitting lid and a handle, and it should be new and unused with no logos or commercial markings on the outside. You can buy buckets like this at Lowe's or Home Depot for about $5... or you can try your local Wal-Mart bakery. Their cake icing comes shipped in these buckets, and they clean and re-sell them for $1 each.

The Food:
Any of this food can be generic or store-brand items. Once the food is used, Haitian families will be able to use the plastic bucket for a variety of everyday things - everything from collecting water to doing laundry. PLEASE DO NOT SUBSTITUTE ANY ITEM LISTED AND DO NOT ADD ANY ADDITIONAL ITEMS INSIDE THE BUCKET!

2 - 5 lb. bags of long grain enriched rice
1 - 48 oz. plastic bottle of cooking oil
1 - 2 gallon plastic ziplock storage bag (to wrap the bottle of cooking oil)
2 - 2 lb. bags of dry black or red beans
1 - 5 lb. bag of all-purpose flour (NOT self-rising)
1 - 20 oz. cylinder container of granulated white sugar (used for coffee)
2 - 1 lb. boxes of spaghetti noodles
1 - 40 oz. plastic jar of smooth peanut butter

Packing Instructions:

1. PRAY FOR THE HAITIAN FAMILY WHO WILL RECEIVE YOUR BUCKET!
2. Lay the bucket on its side.
3. Place the rice packages in the bucket. Lay bags side-by-side, flat, running in the direction from top to bottom in the bucket. Gently compress the bags (without breaking them!) as flat as possible to create room for the other items.
4. Place the bottle of oil inside a clean, unused 2 gallon storage bag, compress the air out, wrap the excess portion of the bag tightly around the bottle, and close. (This is just a precaution to protect the food should there be a leak or break in the bottle during transport.)
5. Lay the bottle of oil on top of the rice bags. Lay the wrapped container so that the bottom of the bottle is at the bottom of the bucket and is approximately in the center of the bucket.
6. Place the peanut butter jar on one side of the oil.
7. Place the cylinder of sugar on top of the wrapped oil bottle.
8. Place the boxes of spaghetti noodles on the other side of the oil.
9. While holding the sugar and peanut butter containers in place, stand the bucket upright.
10. Place one bag of beans down along the inside of the bucket next to the peanut butter.
11. Place the bag of flour on its side on top of the peanut butter, gently packing down the flour bag to clear the rim of the bucket.
12. Place the second bag of beans next to the flour.
13. Close the lid on the bucket and make sure it snaps securely.
14. Place $10 check made out to STATE BOARD OF MISSIONS in a SEALED ENVELOPE and attach to the top of the bucket.
15. Take the filled "Bucket of Hope" to your area collection center by March 5, 2010. For a complete list of collection sites, please visit www.alsbom.org/haiti. If you can't get it to a collection site from wherever you are, contact me and I will find a way to get it where it needs to go!

I'm not one to really be a huge advoate for asking people to spend their money, but... this is a phenomenal program to provide food to people who HAD nothing and now have even less. I am PLEADING with everyone who reads this to find a way to make a bucket. If this isn't up your alley or if the location is a problem or if you just want to try something different, I am encourage you to look into www.ahomeinhaiti.org, a mission to provide tents for displaced residents of Haiti.

COME ON FRIENDS! Get involved! I am literally BEGGING you, and that's a rarity for me. (I don't beg.) But I am humiliating myself to help these people. For the same amount of money I would spend on a nice night out, I can provide an entire week's worth of food for a family in need. The decision has already been made. I pledge that I will send a bucket full of hope.

Maybe I'll send two.

Life's Like an Hourglass Glued to the Table...

Is it really time again for reflection on another year passed? It's hard to believe that the month, the year, AND the decade are all coming to a close at the same time! So many things have happened - not just this year, but this entire decade! I think the close of every year is met with just a little bit of shock and awe at the ways in which we've all grown closer or grown wiser or grown up or grown apart.

It's all about the growing, really... that's why we're still here. Each year we have new opportunities to heal or to help or to forgive or to make amends. Or we have bridges that need to be burned, past hurts that need to be buried, regrets that need to be remedied. And with every new happiness, every new tear, every new joy, every new pain... we grow. We become someone just a little bit different than we were before. Contrary to what most of us choose to believe, people really do change. And as long as I'm here on this earth, I will continue to believe that people change just a little bit every day. It might not always be in ways that we can see... or even in ways that we agree with... but there's always change.

I have grown in a lot of ways this year... my career has grown into something I never dreamed I would be doing... and that I never dreamed I would love this much. I have learned that it's very easy for me to validate myself by my performance at work. I relish the opportunity to be important in the eyes of my clients and coworkers. I have tucked myself into a wonderful caccoon of job security. And, at times, I have forgotten what life is really like. Career is an interesting animal.

(Disclaimer: I don't use the term "necessary evil" because while I do believe that work is necessary, I don't think it's an "evil." I don't think any of us would be any happier, better, more successful people if we didn't HAVE to work. I think work is a growth all its own. Work is an opportunity to find a place for yourself, find something you're good at, and decide WHO you want to be when the going gets tough. It teaches us patience and tolerance for others, perseverance, dedication, grace under pressure and how to handle tough decisions and honest mistakes. And for the record, I don't think you have to work outside the home to learn these things. But I do think all of these qualities are BUILT by working hard at SOMETHING, whether that be raising kids or even playing sports.)

I have also recognized a lot of failures this year... failed relationships, failed tests of character, failed communication... poor decisions, poor circumstances, poor choices. But I don't think any year is ever any easier than the one before. Sometimes we are presented with an opportunity and sometimes we create an opportunity. Sometimes we say the right thing and sometimes we mean to say the right thing. Sometimes we judge and sometimes we let it slide.

I think, for the most part, we all try to do and say and mean the things that are good and right and helpful. But sometimes it gets all mixed up, and there's never any indication as to which time it might be right and which time it might be wrong. Sometimes the relationships you wish you could repair can't be fixed. Sometimes the bridges you've burned can't be rebuilt. But sometimes... and you never know when or where it might happen... people change. And eventually, it might be you.

So where do I go from here? The year is coming to a close... the decisions have been made or left undecided, the bridges have been built or burned... what happens next? I can only speak for myself when I say that the only place to go from here is onward. Maybe 2010 will be the year when I can finally work a little less and spend more time with friends and family. Maybe 2010 will be the year of romance. Maybe 2010 will be the year that everything changes. But who really knows? So, with that in mind, here are my 2010 resolutions...

I, then, shall live as one who's been forgiven.
I'll walk with joy to know my debts are paid.
I know my name is clear before my Father;
I am His child, and I'll not be afraid.
So greatly pardoned, I'll forgive my brother.
The law of love, I gladly will obey.

I, then, shall live as one who's learned compassion.
I've been so loved that I'll risk loving too.
I know how fear builds walls instead of bridges;
I'll dare to see another's point of view.
And when relationships demand commitment,
Then I'll be there to care and follow through.

Your kingdom come around and through and in me;
Your power and glory, let them shine through me.
Your Hallowed name, may I bear with honor,
And may Your living kingdom come in me.
The Bread of Life, may I share with honor,
And may You feed a hungry world through me.

It Might Start Now

What is it about music that pulls at our emotions so much? Why is it that we can find one song and listen to it over and over and over without so much as one ounce of boredom? I'm a self-proclaimed music junkie... I love it. Can't get enough. And then I'll find a song that digs way inside and sinks its claws in. It pulls up emotions that I buried long ago. And it stirs new ones that I didn't even know I had. I guess that's the great mystery of music. Somehow, someway, someone has found a way to express for us what we weren't sure we even needed to...

Hello world, hope you're listening.
Forgive me if I'm young,
Speaking out of turn.
There's someone I've been missing.
I think that they could be
The better half of me.
They're in the wrong place
Trying to make it right,
But I'm tired of justifying.
So I say to you...

Come home.
Come home...
'Cause I've been waiting for you
For so long,
For so long.
Right now there's a war between the vanities,
But all I see is you and me.
And the fight for you is all I've ever known.
So come home.

I get lost in the beauty
Of everything I see.
The world ain't half as bad
As they paint it to be.
If all the sons,
All the daughters,
Stopped to take it in,
Hopefully the hate subsides
And the love can begin.
It might start now, yeah,
Or maybe I'm just dreaming out loud.
But until then...

Come home.
Come home...
'Cause I've been waiting for you
For so long,
For so long.
Right now there's a war between the vanities
But all I see is you and me
And the fight for you is all I've ever known...
Ever known...
So come home.

Everything I can't be
Is everything you should be,
And that's why I need you here.
Everything I can't be
Is everything you should be,
And that's why I need you here.
So hear this now...

Come home.
Come home...
'Cause I've been waiting for you
For so long,
For so long.
Right now there's a war between the vanities,
But all I see is you and me.
And the fight for you is all I've ever known.
So come home.

["Come Home" by OneRepublic & Sara Bareilles]

I have learned to not emote every much. (Emote... is that the right word?) Anyway, I have gotten VERY good at "content" and "pleasant." But I'm not big on showing "weak," "afraid," "unhappy," or even "malcontent." (Oooh... I'm am on top of my vocabulary today.) I don't like to feel those things... so when I do, I don't want anyone to know it. I don't want anyone to accuse me of losing my direction or my joy. It's just that lately I've realized that I have everything I need and most everything I want. And what does someone do when they have everything?

I have gotten so good at "content" and "pleasant" that it seems like I've forgotten how to feel much of anything else. I'm not even sure if it's normal to question happiness, but sometimes I miss those other emotions. I miss the fiery anger I used to feel when I discovered an injustice. I miss the miserable yearning I used to feel when I had to say goodbye. But most of all I miss the butterflies.

You know... the butterflies. The way your heart skips a beat when he enters a room. The tummy-rumbling nerves that sneak in when he says something you've been waiting to hear. The anxious tension that you could cut with a knife while you're waiting. I miss it. All of it.

It's a running joke between me and J Mac that I'm a "relationship sabotager." I have a hard time with commitment... but only because I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between politeness and sincerety. But the problem with relationship sabotage is that it lets me off the hook. And I don't want to be let off anyone's hook anymore because I might get the notion that it's OK to keep running. Everything in my life has led me to right now, and the last thing I want or need or deserve is to be let off anybody's hook.

I miss the REAL emotions. The ones that are so real that they've kept me constantly moving, mostly running from them, never ready for them. I'm almost ready. But until then, I'll wait for someday soon.

Fresh, Clear, Well-Seasoned Perspective

Can you suggest a good wine to go with that?

Perspective is a funny thing. It never comes when you need it most, that's for sure. The dictionary defines "perspetive" as "one's point of view." I don't know that I necessarily agree with that. Or maybe I do... stay with me, folks. This is a bumpy one...

A wise man once said that opinions are like butts. Everybody has one and they all stink. Hmmm... an outrageous metaphor, but so true. Most of us spend our entire lives trying to develop our own system of beliefs... our own opinions... our unique perspective, if you will. We follow politics and try to form some opinion of what's right and wrong with our government. We join sororities and fraternities and civic clubs to form opinions about the programs and causes that are most important. We choose our friends based on who most thinks like us. We cheer for a certain sports team because that's who mom or dad or husband or wife cheers for. We deal with trials and tribulations, successes and failures, based on friends we know who have already been there and done that. But how many of us are really forming a unique perspective?

Fresh, clear, well-seasoned perspective.

I would venture to go so far as to say that none of us have a unique perspective. I don't think that any human ever has. Our beliefs and opinions... our perspective... is so often formed by people we perceive to be wiser or smarter or more popular than we are. But perception is a great deceiver... sometimes our perception is spot-on, and sometimes it couldn't be father from the truth. And anything that unreliable shouldn't be wholly trusted.

I will even go even further to say that we as humans are almost totally incapable of forming a unique perspective. Everything we believe or don't believe is based on the beliefs or the un-beliefs of something or someone before us. Please don't misunderstand me... I don't mean to sound like all humans are merely mindless lemmings, incapable of personal thought development or of gaining wisdom through personal experience. I only mean to say that we tend to base what we believe on something other than ourselves.

So, now I make my hypthesis... my geometry-inspired "If-Then Statement" (Mrs. Tanner would be so proud...)... IF we as humans are incapable of forming our own unique opinions and perspective... and IF we draw our opinions from others... THEN it should stand to reason that we should adopt the opinions and perspective of someone or something COMPLETELY INFALLABLE.

And there's the rub. No matter how wise or experienced or popular someone may be, their mistakes are all just as costly as ours. It's insanity, really, the amount of trust we put in people that we perceive to be better than us in some way. There's only one human who has ever been or ever will be on earth who is completely infallable. Only one has never made a mistake or a bad choice or a hasty decision. Only one is infinitely wise, infinitely good, infinitely experienced, and infinitely popular... and yet we put our trust in so many other than the One.

I spent lots of time conforming my opinions to the opinions of others that I felt could advance me somehow. I picked a political party. I joined a social club or two. I went to a popular college. I listened to music that made me fit in with one group or another. I went to church and then I didn't. I dated a certain guy while not even considering another. And I did all of this... I formed my entire existence around what others thought or said or believed. And for years I felt that, somehow, I didn't quite belong anywhere.

And that's when He said, "Blair, don't you get it? You belong with me."

And it was life-altering. Not so much because I made new friends or chose a different career or dropped out of my clubs. It was life-altering because I can now form my beliefs and my opinions... my perspective... out of the perspective of the One who is infinitely wiser than I could ever dream. Jesus warns me so many times in the Bible to not be deceived by my own perspective...

Every brother is a deceiver and every friend a slanderer... Jeremiah 9:5
The pride of your heart has deceived you... Obadiah 1:2
Watch out that no one deceives you... Matthew 24:4
If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself... Galatians 6:3
Let no one deceive you with empty words... Ephesians 5:6
I tell you this so that no one may deceive you with a good argument... Colossians 2:4
Don't be deceived... James 1:16

And on and on it goes. Don't be deceived by what others are saying. Don't blindly accept someone's opinion as fact. Don't do something just because someone you love is doing it. You are His beloved, called by His name. Don't worry. He has a plan that was made just for you. Adopt His perspective as your own. Don't be afraid to seem unimportant in the eyes of people. Choose instead to be famous in the secret audience of the One who sees and understands it all.

Lord, it's with an honest reverence
That I come into Your presence,
Whispering the Name that calms all fear.
And I'm filled with such emotion
At Your mercy and devotion -
To think that You would come
And meet me here.

Lord, I tremble
At the very thought of Calvary
Where You chose me over life
And You suffered willingly.
Lord, I tremble
At the way I'm undeserving
Of the love You came to give
And Your blood that makes me worthy.
Lord, I tremble.

My Jesus is an Auburn Fan

Don't laugh! This is serious! It's been almost an entire month since my last post, so I've had plenty of time to figure this one out. Stay with me...

Team sports have always intrigued me. I participated in just about every sport imaginable when I was younger... softball, basketball, cheerleading, gymnastics, volleyball, newcomb (does this count as a sport?). Anyway, I'm a big fan of team sports. I love the competition, the adrenaline rush of a close game, the comraderie of a team trying to win. It's exhilarating. That's why I came to the conclusion that Jesus must be a fan of team sports too...

I love Auburn football. In fact, I just love Auburn in general. And everyone I know that went to Auburn has the same love and awe and respect for it. And no two loves are alike. Auburn is not just a school or a town or even a football team. It's a family. On the first day of orientation, you're welcomed into the "Auburn family." It's a special kind of relationship...

And thus, football Saturdays are kind of like a family reunion. It doesn't matter how long you've been away or whether or not you accomplished all you set out to do. Even people who are team non-committal find themselves caught up in the rush of cheering a team along. People come from all across the country, sporting team colors and wielding masses of tiger tails and team shakers... and all for the same reason: TO BE A PART OF SOMETHING SPECIAL. It's true. Most people don't love Auburn because of the great football program. They don't love Auburn because of its stellar academics. They love Auburn because they're a part of something special... a special bond between a place and a group of people. People love the relationship.

So Jesus MUST be an Auburn fan... or at least I bet He can identify.

Jesus is all about relationship. He's all about that lovin' feelin'. He doesn't care where you come from or what you're wearing. He doesn't care if you tithe enough or if you are worshiping a certain way. It doesn't matter if you follow a set of rules or if you know all the books of the Bible. It doesn't matter to Him how long you've been away or whether or not you've accomplished everything you should have. What matters to Him is that you come. He wants to be a part of something special with you. Jesus isn't about rules or priorities or expectations; He's about relationship.

I've come to the conclusion that the things that people are jealous of aren't things. People are jealous of relationships. People crave that lovin' feelin'. People desperately want to be a part of something special. It's why they love Auburn and will defend it no matter what. It's why people who don't care anything about sports will find themselves in a borrowed Auburn t-shirt to go to a game with a friend. And it's why Auburn fans will wear crimson and white to a game with a friend in order to be a part of the team. Those people don't love the crimson and white team... they love the relationship their friend has with the team or the school or even the crowd. It's overwhelming. And it's contagious.

And shouldn't it be with Jesus so much more? If we're truly living in a special relationship with Him... and if people are jealous of the best relationships... shouldn't we be pointing people to Him by our very disposition? Jesus is especially fond of me. And he's especially fond of you. He loves each of us completely and completely differently. And my Jesus is an Auburn fan.

Not Me! Monday...

If you read MckMama's blog My Charming Kids, then I'm sure you're aware of the fun of Not Me! Mondays. It's been a wild couple of weeks... and here's a list of things that I did not do...

It was not me who came up with a lame excuse so I could leave work 3 hours early and go to Hobby Lobby and browse the Christmas ornament aisles. Not me! I would never do something so deceitful... especially when Christmas is still almost 4 months away.

It was also not me who went by Full Moon BBQ last night and ordered a half dozen cookies (and nothing else) for dinner last night because I was too lazy to cook anything else. Nope. Not me! I always find something healthy and nutritious to make myself for dinner. Besides, my mother taught me that you can't eat only cookies for dinner... and I always do what mother says.

And it was not me who sat behind her desk with her pants unbuttoned all day because they were too tight (...probably from not eating the aforementioned half dozen cookies). No way! Not me! I would never stoop so low just to squeeze into a pair of last year's pants that should still fit.

And since we're not confessing, it was certainly not me who took an entire day off work on Friday to prepare for a party that was cancelled. Not me! If I cancelled a party, I would be responsible and go to work instead of wasting an entire day eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch and watching HGTV.

Anyone want to share your Not Me! moments??

Disturb Us, Lord

Can you believe it's September?? With every passing month, I become more and more aware of all the things I meant to do or be or become. It seems like every time I post again, I'm filling the first paragraph with apologies for not writing like I should and with excuses about how busy I am. This week I have finally! realized that everyone's busy. No one's life is any less important than mine, even though sometimes my actions (and my driving) may prove otherwise. So, onward and upward...

I came across this unbelieveable poem this week and fell on my face with conviction. Read it first. I'll explain afterwards...

Disturb us, Lord, when
We are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.
We ask You to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.
[Sir Francis Drake]

If you read that and felt nothing, then I pity you. How many times a day, a week, a month... a lifetime?... do we sail too closely to the shore, never once leaving our comfy, warm life to meet with Jesus on the raging sea? How many times have I fallen in love with my own life and neglected to remember the very reason for life itself? How many times have I been satisfied with what I have, never once believing that there was anything better to dare to dream for? How many of us are working diligently to create a new, better world to live in but forget that this earth is merely a temporary tent of a home? Oh the things we could accomplish if we could only remember!!

I can't remember a day when I wasn't at least kind of afraid. Looking back at so many of my posts over the course of the past year, fear seems to be an underlying theme. And the funny part is that I don't have an overwhelming volume of conscious fear. But I could speak volumes about my unconscious fears. It's small fear... fear that I don't always know I possess. It's the small fear that keeps holding me back, day after precious day.

I don't have many regrets in life. I think that most people say that they don't have regrets because mistakes only make you stronger, build character, or bring you to where you are today. And while I think I belive that, I can't honestly say that I don't have any regrets. Anyone who says they don't have any regrets suffers from one of two things: 1) denial or 2) miracles. Anyone who has no regrets has never been faced with the fact that someone's very life might have been in your hands and you blew it because you were afraid.

I suffer from a particularly terrifying fear of not being liked. It is closely linked to my struggle with fear of failure. I have convinced myself that being well-liked is in direct correlation to being successful. In other words, the more liked I am by people, the more I will succeed. If you really think that statement through, it's not entirely untrue. Or uncommon. These fears were particularly successful in the winter of 2006. I very well might have held someone's life in my hands, and I didn't follow-up, I didn't check in, I didn't encourage. And all because I was afraid. I was afraid that a group of teenagers might think I was (gasp!) uncool and that if I was (gasp!) uncool that I would be unsuccessful. I have never let that experience leave me for fear that history might repeat itself. All I can hope is that a seed was planted and that God handled the things that I so royally messed up. I won't know this side of heaven.

I know that I am usually writing about Godly singleness, and I won't leave out that part because it all works together. My fears of failure and of not being liked have affected me there too. I shut people out, shut them down before I can fail, before I discover that they may not like me. But what I have realized in all my rants about why God has left me single for so long is this: It doesn't really matter.

That's right. It doesn't really matter why I'm single. It wouldn't really matter if I wasn't. My goal here would be the same. God picked me and created me with a voice, with a purpose. Sometimes it doesn't seem as evident as it does right now... but today I will choose to follow through. I can't tell you why me... why I was picked to live this life and why you were picked to live yours. But we all have something Godly to offer, and every life is connected to every other. What I do or don't do affects people in ways that I can't fully understand. But Jesus understood. He understood the consequences of the cross long before I could have even questioned his decision. My life is connected to His, just as my life is now connected to yours through this blog.

So my prayer today is just that He will disturb me. I want Him to disturb me in my comfort. I want Him to disturb me in my nonchalance. I want Him to disturb me in my complacency. I want Him to disturb me in my spiritual piety. I want Him to disturb me to dream bigger... to leave the safety of shore to meet Him on the raging sea. Because you can't walk on water if you never leave the boat...

Girls: The Mystery Unveiled - Part 2

"Sometimes it's hard to be a woman..." -Tammy Wynette

If you missed Part One, go back and read it. Because now we're on to Part Two.

In all honesty, I might be skipping about 1 million other topics that might should have gone in front of this one, but this is on my heart and is so overlooked that I don't feel the series can continue until this is out in the open.

In Part Two of Andy Merrick's series Why Guys Aren't Asking You Out, he mentions that guys aren't asking girls out because of their vast immaturity. (OK, OK. Yes, he said immaturity. I added the vast part. Sue me.) Anyway, the funny thing is, most girls aren't lonely because guys aren't asking them out. Girls are lonely because they're waaaaaay out of touch with their hearts. Yes, I'll explain. Read on...

Sorry Tammy, there's no sometimes about it... it's just plain hard to be a woman. Everytime I begin to think about the woman I should be, my mind automatically drifts off to the vision of "The Proverbs 31 Woman." She's beautiful. She's sweet. She's irritatingly perfect. Her life is so busy that I wonder when she has time for a career or for friendships or for reading those trashy romance novels. Her light never goes out at night?? When does she have sex? If that was the only picture of a woman I was ever given, I could never live up to that! And I don't think that a sense of failure is very Godly at all.

I know that I am not alone in my sense of failing to live up to expectations. In fact, so many of you who read my blog have commented and sent me e-mails just to tell me stories of your insecurities or your sense of failure. It seems like the only thing common to all women is a feeling of not being good enough as a woman. And this doesn't mean we feel like a failure at what we do... we feel like a failure at who we are. We go through these insane stages of being too much and not enough at the same time... not pretty enough, not thin enough, not nice enough, not disciplined enough. But then we're too emotional, too clingy, too independent, too opinionated. It's INSANE!! And in all our trying to measure up, we've forgotten the most important thing of all - our hearts.

In the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge, they offer nuggets of wisdom that are far beyond the scope of my little blog. But they absolutely nail down the three things every woman's heart longs for: romance, adventure, and beauty. Think about the all the movies that have been so sensitively dubbed by guys as "chick flicks." Don't they include all of these things? Is there a chick flick out there that doesn't include some form of a handsome prince coming to rescue his beloved? It's the absolute truth! Most of the problems women have in relationships (and the lack thereof) stem from these three things... or rather from a lack of, perversion of, or ignorance of these three things.

The deep longings of a woman's heart have been written there by God Himself, telling us something about what it means to be a woman. Whatever it is we feel like we are - or aren't - it's important to remember that we, too, are created in the image of God as women. Genesis says "male and female He created them." So whatever our longing are, whatever our desires are, whatever we're meant to do or be... our hearts were purposefully created as a reflection of God's own heart.

Over the years, women learn to supress their deepest longings because it just doesn't seem possible. Some of these desires have long since gone unmet. Some have been assaulted... or even neglected. The result is the same... women end up living two lives. On the surface we're busy, efficient, quiet, funny, sweet, professional. We're getting by, attempting to be all things to all people. We accept dates from any man who shows an interest. But on the inside, women are losing themselves in fantasy worlds, cheap novels, food, or some other addiction that was manifested to numb the ache of our longing hearts.

So what I wish I could tell you Andy (and women everywhere) is this: women aren't lonely because guys aren't asking them out. See, I have this theory that until I find "The One," every guy I go out with will end up a jerk. But it's not because he really was a jerk... it's because my heart wasn't ready. I have spent a lot of my time working on my heart, and here's what I can offer...

Guys, if you don't know how to communicate with a girl, take this advice: Make her a priority. It really doesn't matter where the dates are or how much money you have. It doesn't matter so much about your family background or how clean your car is. What matters is how much of a priority you have made her. Girls want to be pursued (and not in that creepy-stalker sort of way), and an honest word will go a long way.

Girls, if you're not going on lots of dates, it might be time for a heart check-up. Please don't misunderstand me... I don't believe that a woman MUST have a man in order to fulfill her destiny as a woman. But I know how my single heart yearns, and I know that I'm not the only one. It's time to quit wondering why guys aren't asking us out and start identifying what our priorities are. Is it more important to go on a date... or to go on the right date with the right person? If I have to wait a few more Friday nights before Prince Godsend finds me, so be it.

So I guess that loneliness, like so many other things, is what you make it. Until next time...

Oh, the Soapbox...

It's been a while, but it's that time again... time for me to get on my soapbox!! I know lots of you were expecting my next installment of "Girls: The Mystery Unveiled." I certainly have plans to do that later this week. I'm... uh... still getting my research together. (Yeah, that's it.) Anyway, here are the soapbox topics for today: Attitudes in the Workplace, Government Health Care, and Global Warming. So, without any further ado...

TOPIC 1: ATTITUDES IN THE WORKPLACE

(DISCLAIMER: I am not writing this to offend any of my workplace readers, and I cannot point fingers at anyone because I, too, am guilty of some of these offensive attitudes.)

Everyone has bad days. Believe me, I get it. There are days when everyone is stressed out. There are days when we're all sick and tired of seeing each other more than we see our families or friends. I GET IT. But here's the thing: There is a business to run, whether we like it or not. I don't always love my job. Heck, I don't always like my job. But I do like (and even love) having a job. And I like having a safe, calm, pleasant place to work.

Unfortunately that's not always the case. There are those days when tempers rear their ugly heads and everyone's walking on eggshells so as not to offend anyone and, in turn, reap the unpleasant consequences. Add the tension on top of zero staff meetings, high-stress, and an office full of women. Sounds like the Perfect Storm to me.

Not all of you work in an office full of women. Some of you work in a huge company with lots of different people around. Some of you work in restaurants or hospitals or even at home. But the thing is, ALL OF US are stressed out MOST OF THE TIME. The workplace is never ideal because it's a pretty rare thing when someone says, "You know, I really love being over-worked and under-paid. I think I'll go get me a minimum-wage, high-stress job in an office full of women (or men or lawyers or whatever else you can think of)." We don't live to work... we work to live. (You know, I actually stole that phrase from Jillian Michaels on The Biggest Loser, except I'm pretty sure she said we shouldn't live to EAT, we should EAT to live. I'm also pretty sure she's full of it.)

Anyway, to all of you out there who are just working to live... to those who have "just a job"... all I'm asking is this: Give the rest of us a break. There are actually some of us who aren't working here just to live. For some of us, this is not "just a job"... it's our career. We chose it because, in obvious contrast to your personal feelings about it, we actually like the work. Or we used to... before you starting whining and complaining about every little thing, making fun of others, or just flat-out refusing to do things that you just don't feel like doing. So while you roll in about 9am, mentally check in about noon, and leave at five, some of us don't. It might be just a job to you, but remember that the more pleasant you are, the better your references are for your next job. And don't be afraid to start looking for your perfect job... and probably sooner rather than later or else the rest of us might be tempted to throw you out a window. No offense.

TOPIC 2: GOVERNMENT HEALTH CARE

Please let me start this topic off by saying that I love rich people. They've always been nice enough to give me a job. The problem I'm having now is that there aren't going to be very many rich people left if the government can help it. Maybe that's putting it a little bluntly, but isn't that the real truth? Isn't the point of most government-sponsored programs to equalize the divide between the poor and the rich? Problem is, if we're all equal, WHO OFFERS THE JOBS??

Before you judge me, please know that I have spent a lot of my hard-earned money to provide food stamps, Medicare, and WIC to people in my own family. My opinion here is no respecter of persons. It's not that I don't want everyone to have adequate medical care; I do. I just don't think it's my job to provide it for them. I know so many of you are thinking that the government-sponsored health care program won't affect me, but you couldn't be more wrong.

I work for a small company of about 25 employees. 15 of those are independent contractors, responsible for paying their own taxes and providing themselves with their own insurance. They also make a LOT more than I do. 5 of those are part-time employees. The other 10 of us are making a lower hourly wage than many others in our same field, but we have full medical and dental insurance coverage. If the government sponsored health care plan passes, my employer will be required (not given the option) to either a) provide medical coverage to every employee equal to that which the government offers or b) pay a 6% payroll tax "to support Health Care for America" (taken from http://usgovinfo.about.com/od/healthcare/a/nathealthplan.htm).

I don't know about your employer, but we hire independent workers and part-time employees because we can't always afford to provide the high insurance premiums or the high taxes to hire folks full-time. We're a small company... you do the math. More taxes or higher insurance premiums will mean fewer jobs that can be offered. And that's not OK with me.

But wait... there's more! Here's what the program offers me and you: "For persons already covered by employer-provided health insurance, Health Care for America would virtually eliminate the suddenly very real threat of losing coverage because of layoffs." How would it do that, you ask? Well by "requiring that Americans who remain without insurance either purchase private coverage or buy into the Health Care for America Plan." Wow... so when or if you lose your job or quit working for whatever reason, your government will require that you either PURCHASE your own private insurance or PURCHASE insurance from the government. What a deal!

It scares me the length that our government will go to in order to get our money. We already are paying 20+% in income taxes, 7-10% in sales taxes, and thousands more in gasoline taxes to drive to work, ad velorum taxes to purchase a tag for our vehicle that we use to get to work, and even death taxes when we've finally had enough. It's insane! Do we even keep any of our money??

TOPIC 3: GLOBAL WARMING

I hesitate to write much on this subject because I know it's so touchy, but then I figured that the only people reading this far are the ones that I didn't previously offend with my government-sponsored health care tirade. So, what the heck. I'll continue...

I do not believe global warming exists. At least not man-made global warming. OK, go ahead. Call me crazy. I can wait... OK, anyway, for those of you still with me, I'm moving on.

Consider this: The government (my favorite topic of the day!) has issued new legislature that requires (again, no options here) companies to reduce carbon emissions to a certain point or else face high taxes and penalities. OK, I really shouldn't have to go here, but some of you still don't get the point... If global warming is a serious threat (and is there any other kind of threat?) and if you TRULY believe that global warming is causing serious, irreversible damage to the planet and to humankind in general... then at what point will taxes and monetary penalities be OK? If you really believe that global warming is true, WHY would buying carbon credits get you out of the hole? If it's truly the threat that you believe it is, there would be no amount of money that would "correct" the problem or otherwise cause you to look the other way.

Maybe I'm being too harsh. Maybe I'm too conservative. Maybe I think too much. Whatever you believe about me is your opinion, and that's fine by me. My words are by no means gospel. But I do know this: God never intended for us to live this way... offending each other, criticizing each other, hurting each other. If someone is in ligitimate need, we should help him! We should encourage him! We should give him the tools necessary to allow him to provide for himself. But we should not provide it for him. Otherwise, we begin to breed an entire generation of people who are content with handouts instead of hard work.