10-1

OK, so I'm really sorry that I haven't posted before now. I know, I'm an undedicated blog-slacker. I'm sure you forgive me... just as I would you if you happened to be an undedicated blog-slacker. :)

So I love lists. I'm sure you've figured this out by now. I really think that it's entirely possible to categorize life in a series of lists. (Wow, saying that out loud sounds really sad...) Anyway, I stole this from Erin Carey's facebook page. If you don't know her, you should. She rocks. And this "list" is fun. For me, anyway...

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Others but Sometimes Don't

10. It's really not the crisis you're making it out to be.
9. I don't have time to chit-chat with you.
8. I'm sure you'll get over it.
7. That outfit really doesn't look good on you.
6. I'm angry with you.
5. I don't think I can do what you want me to do.
4. I wish I were a better friend.
3. I'm only nice to you because I would feel bad if I wasn't.
2. Why don't you call me?
1. I love you.

Nine Things About Myself

9. I will wear a pair of jeans at least 6 times before I wash them.
8. I am deathly afraid of Kevin Bacon.
7. I could eat pizza every day.
6. I have a butt-shelf.
5. I am terribly inconsistent.
4. I love my own handwriting.
3. I laugh at my own jokes more than other people laugh at them.
2. I don't believe in multi-tasking.
1. I think it should be a law that people have to have a dog before they can have a kid.

Eight Ways To Win My Heart

8. Mean What You Say
7. Sing Karaoke
6. Impress My Friends
5. Make Me Laugh
4. Buy Me Tulips
3. Hold My Hand
2. Stick Up For Me
1. Love My Family

Seven Things That Cross My Mind A Lot

7. The Engineer
6. Where Has My Money Gone?!
5. Auburn Friends
4. Prayer Requests
3. Song Lyrics
2. Lunch
1. My Nieces

Six (Groups of?) People Who Are Important To Me

6. My Nieces
5. My Sisters
4. My Parents
3. My Birmingham Friends
2. My Co-Workers
1. My Auburn Friends

Five Things I Do Before I Fall Asleep

5. Brush My Teeth
4. Take My Medicine
3. Chat With Jesus
2. Mentally Picture Tomorrow's Wardrobe
1. Watch TV

Four Things You're Wearing Right Now

4. Auburn Sweatpants
3. Undies
2. A Shirt I Bought at "The Reef" on Choir Tour in like 2001?
1. Contact

Three Artists That You Listen To Often

3. Sara Bareilles
2. Dave Barnes
1. Taylor Swift

Two Things You Want To Do Before You Die

2. Get Married
1. Have "Enough" Money

One Confession

I'm one of those people who will only do things she can do well.

It's Not Enough

So folks, I might be having one of the worst weeks EVER. Of course, I might just be exaggerating a bit like I tend to do, but you'll never know the truth unless you keep reading...

I found a MAJOR blip on my credit report on Monday, and IT WASN'T EVEN MY FAULT.
I managed to single-handedly crash the e-mail systems of TWO companies on Tuesday.
On Wednesday, I got the e-mail working but crashed the website.
Today is Thursday... stay tuned.

I woke up at 1:01am this morning with an overwhelming sense of dread and impending doom. A year or so ago I went through this same thing... every night for a week I would wake up at exactly 4:08am with this crushing fear running through me. It's unexplainable how I would wake up at the exact same time EVERY NIGHT, but I was there. I can swear to you that's it true. It truly was something I will never forget. A year ago I mentioned this sleep-deprivation-fiasco to my former college roomie, and she made a profound statement... It sounds like God is trying to tell you something, just like Samuel. When you wake up tonight, just start praying. Wow... why didn't I think of that??

So I did what she asked, only I had absolutely no idea what to pray for... and it seemed a little too much to ask for me to sit up in bed when I'm paralyzed by this irrational sense of fear and say, "Here I am, God. Speak, for your servant is listening." So I just prayed for anything and anyone who came to my mind. Maybe someone else was in danger and needed my prayers. Maybe I was in some sort of danger. I honestly have no idea. But I can tell you this... as I prayed, tears were streaming down my face. I don't know why, except that I had this horrible feeling that something bad was going to happen and God was my only refuge. It was strange and lovely all at the same time. And the next night, I didn't wake up at 4:08am. It hasn't happened since, although the experience has never been far from my mind.

And then last night I woke up at 1:01am with that all-too-familiar, gut-wrenching, overwhelming fear. So it doesn't seem like a coincidence anymore that this week's Esther study was all about fear. It was an amazing video lesson this week and has really made me think about some things. I promise I'll get back to the 1:01am story, but indulge me for just a moment while I go through this. Maybe then my 1:01am fear-party won't seem so out of place...

I can't imagine NOT living in fear. Not the gut-wrenching, paralyzing fear I woke with last night, but I just mean fear in general. Small fear. Insignificant fear. Fear of failure. Fear that I will be alone forever. Fear that I am making all the wrong decisions. Fear that I might lose someone in my family. Fear that I'm not good enough. Fear that people won't like me. Friends, if you're reading this and NOT identifying with me, then you must be made of pure steel. But here's the rub...

Whatever it is that I'm most afraid of, Satan is already onto it. He uses my fear to cripple me BECAUSE HE KNOWS IT WORKS! And it works on all of us because if it didn't, we wouldn't be afraid anymore. I know that might seem like a bit of a Catch-22, but it's not really. And 75% of the time, the things I'm most afraid of happening never happen. But I fear that they might happen. And Satan threatens me with the mights. What if... What if... What if... Beth Moore taught me that "what IF" turns into I Fear... Wow, how true this is.

But it's not enough for me to trust God to not let the things I'm most afraid of never happen to me. Does that make sense? Put a different way: It's not real trust if I only trust Him to keep me from my fears. That's conditional trust. God, I trust you to never let those horrible things happen to me. But friends... WHAT IF THOSE THINGS HAPPEN?? We can't have conditional trust because it allows us an out, and that's no good. God doesn't want us to trust Him to not let the bad things happen. He wants us to TRUST HIM... no matter what.

Think of the very worst thing that you think could ever happen to you, and then fill in the blanks here: IF THIS ______________________________, THEN ____________________________. Really think about it. If this really awful thing happens to me... if my family dies... if my husband leaves me... if I never get married... then what? What will happen to you? I like to say things like, "If I never get married, I will just DIE." But would I really? I'd be heartbroken. I'd be understandably lonely. I'd probably be mean as a snake for a while. But would I DIE? Probably not. And why?? BECAUSE MY GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF ME. And he'll take care of you too!

So now my blanks read IF THIS ___________________________, THEN MY GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF ME. It really can't read any other way. SO WHAT IS THERE REALLY TO FEAR??

So this morning at 1:01am, when I was so fear-stricken that I didn't really think my brain would even work properly, with images of huge men entering our home, with thoughts of my family be taken during the night... all I could think to say was "My God will take care of me." And I repeated it over and over and over and over until I could go back to sleep. And you know what? It's as true this morning as it was last night. No matter what.

Sometimes the sun stays hidden for years.

And sometimes the sky rains night after night... when will it clear?

But our hope endures the worst of conditions.

It's more than our optimism.

Let the earth quake... our hope is unchanged.

Emmanuel, God is with us.

El Shaddai, All-Sufficient.

Emmanuel, God is with us.

El Shaddai, All-Sufficient.

Emmanuel, God is with us.

El Shaddai, All-Sufficient.

-Natalie Grant

Respect Your Wishes and Your Demands...

I have such a hard time getting everything done... I'm sure any of you can attest to feeling the same way on occasion (or on EVERY occasion like me). Between exercise, work, Bible study, choir, and home I sometimes feel like it's just TOO MUCH!! But I'm always happier when I'm extremely busy, and this, I suppose, is no exception.

I know I've spent the majority of my last few posts ranting about my Bible study (which I ADORE, by the way), and I don't know that today will be an exception, although LOTS of topics are swirling around in my head at the moment. I don't tend to plan out my public rants, I just go where the spirit leads! :) So for those of you who still put up with this meaningless, mindless banter... I applaud you!! And thanks. :)

Beth Moore really touches my heart. She has an AMAZING gift for reading and interpreting and communication the Word that really makes people not only want to LEARN it but makes them want to LOVE it too! And isn't that one of the essential points to Bible study... loving God's Word?? I think so.

Every little girl LOVES the story of Esther... and who wouldn't?? From a worldly perspective, this seemingly forgotten, humble, beautiful little girl gets picked out of a crowd to become queen! It certainly fits the Disney World version of dreams coming true. And I admit, I have always loved the story of Esther, albeit always for varying degrees of reason. First I loved it for the very reason described above. As a child of a broken home, Esther's life inspired me to have hope that dreams that seem virtually impossible really do come true! I mean, if Esther can not only become a queen but can also save her entire race of people from death, then surely things can happen for me too!! As I got older, I loved the story of Esther simply because it was a story about a young woman, like me. Women's power and all that. The Bible is chock full of stories about men and how great they are but it reveals surprisingly little regarding powerful women... well, sort of. So it seemed at the time. But now I love Esther for an entirely different reason: BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T GET THE LIFE SHE DREAMED OF.

What's that I say?? I know, I know. I just went on and on about how Esther's story is one of inspiration and of hope, and believe me, it truly is. Just not for the reasons I believed before. So many details of this story slipped my attention when I read through it so many times before. Here, let me list a few things I've learned about Esther that you might not have realized either...

1) Esther was an orphan. She lost BOTH of her parents. My mother lost her mother when she was only 7 years old, and even though she doesn't talk about it much, I can see that it is one of the worst pains she has ever had to face in her life. I can see in my mother's eyes that not having her mother in her life... to comfort her when she got her heart broken for the first time, to teach her how to make spaghetti or chocolate brownies, to make a big deal out of her birthdays or her first date or her high school graduation... it absolutely has affected the rest of her life. But Esther lost BOTH parents. No mom AND no dad. I can't even begin to imagine that kind of pain.

2) Esther was raised by her MALE cousin, Mordecai. (I LOVE the name Mordecai, by the way, but that has nothing to do with the story at hand.) And in a land that wasn't inherently Jewish. They were exiled Jews living in Persia at the time... Jews who had the OPTION of returning to their homeland and JUST DIDN'T FEEL LIKE IT. A male cousin in a land where they weren't exactly wanted.

3) Esther wasn't CHOSEN to go to the palace. She was FORCED. She was taken from the only family she has left -- her cousin -- and was dragged into a world where you have to be beautiful to survive. In that society, the repercussions of NOT being a virgin when you married were pretty severe. These girls were forcibly taken from their homes and their families to "please the king" in whatever manner he saw fit. When (not IF) they were not chosen, they were resigned to the passel of concubines the king kept at his disposal. Even if they were allowed to return home, the shame of no longer being a virgin would certainly keep many from having a normal marriage and family of their own.

4) Esther had to go through an ENTIRE YEAR OF BEAUTY TREATMENTS. I don't know about you, but HOLY CRAP. I'm sorry, but these weren't UGLY GIRLS!! They were "beautiful young virgins" (Esther 2:3). NOT UGLY GIRLS!! And they still had to go through a year of beauty treatments?? ISN'T ANYONE JUST BEAUTIFUL ENOUGH??

5) When Haman decides to kill the Jews living in Persia, Mordecai asks Esther to go to the king and fix it. You know what she replies? "Thirty days have passed since I was called to go to the King." She had not SEEN, TALKED TO, OR OTHERWISE ENGAGED IN A MARITAL RELATIONSHIP WITH HER HUSBAND IN A MONTH. A month. I don't know about you, but most of the reason I want to get married someday is because I want a partner, a confidante. Esther did not by any stretch of the imagination have a wonderful, fairy-tale marriage.

In fact, Esther did not by any stretch of the imagination have a wonderful, fairy-tale life... but I'm OK with that because I don't either. And yet God used her. God will use me. I am learning more and more to be transparent with people. To identify with them. To use my past as a reason to trust my future. I'm exited about what God is doing, and I'm hoping that my destiny will inspire people too someday.

27 Things to Know

So kiddos, in lieu of my regular list of things I have learned recently, I'm giving you the opportunity to learn something new about me... albeit, not many of these things are "new" to some of you. I'm pretty open. Nonetheless, I'm bored and have gotten all kinds of requests to fill this little thing out. I have modified it as a salute to the coming close of my 27th year... therefore, I have amended the previously accepted "25 Things to Know" to "27 Things to Know." Stay tuned. It's random...

1. I snort when I laugh really hard. I try not to, but that doesn't always work out.
2. I started biting my nails when I became a musician at the ripe old age of 8 or so. My piano teacher was always harping at me that my nails were too long to play the piano. I would forget to cut them, so I started biting them off before I got to my lessons. It stuck.
3. I love Food & Wine magazine. I copy down recipes that I may very well never use.
4. I have an Excel spreadsheet of baby names that I like for each letter of the alphabet.
5. I think I'm the only person on Earth who realizes that birthdays are a year behind. When I turn 28 in March, I will actually be beginning my 29th year of life. Which is 1 year away from my 30th year of life. Eek.
6. Tax Return Day is my 2nd favorite day of the year. It's better than my birthday and almost as good as Christmas.
7. I shared a seat on the metro in Washington, DC with Orlando Bloom. He was wearing a hat and sunglasses. In cognito. He asked me which stop is best for getting to the White House. I didn't know it was him until he got off the train, which is probably good because I probably would have proposed if I had known.
8. I think the funniest thing on Saturday Night Live is when the actors crack themselves up and then try to hide the fact that they did.
9. I don't like maple syrup and think grits taste like sand.
10. I really do believe in Auburn and love it.
11. I tend to give people nicknames based on their occupation.
12. I believe that every argument can be resolved by saying, "I think you're pretty."
13. I have never attempted to resolve an argument by saying, "I think you're pretty."
14. I don't think skinny jeans look good on boys. There are no exceptions to this rule - not even for Pete Wentz.
15. I would secretly love to open a kid-friendly restaurant called Peanut Butter & Ellie's that serves salads and sandwiches and homemade peanut butter. And there would be chalkboard paint on some or all of the walls.
16. I do not like the words "moist," "juicy," or "taut." Or "commode."
17. I have auditioned for American Idol twice.
18. I believe that people are the music they listen to.
19. I believe that people are the company they keep.
20. It annoys me when people trade in their dreams for explanations.
21. I'm glad I never lived next to the water so I could never get used to the beach.
22. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be famous.
23. I subconsciously count my steps when I walk.
24. The only regret I have in my life is that I quit practicing the piano.
25. I believe that I am practical to a fault.
26. I was the only person I know,to make a "B" in Choral Arranging with Dr. Smith.
27. I really am afraid of Kevin Bacon, and the only movie I can tolerate with him in it is A Few Good Men, and then only because he loses.

Queen of the Amputees

I have been inspired to write yet again. It almost seems funny to say that I have to be inspired to get on here and write, but honestly I don't think I could describe it in a better way. I have made myself so busy (and God has made me so scatter-brained!) that it doesn't always occur to me that I should write. So thanks to y'all who keep up with my random posting schedule!! :)

I was catching up on my friend Natalie's blog (and if you haven't checked it out, you should... http://sequined-seafoam.blogspot.com/), and she made a statement about how so many people try to forget their past or forget how their past has made them who and what they are today. It really was a profound little post, and I loved that she gives God the praise for the things that have happened in her past to bring her to where she is today. And even more amazing is what God is teaching me here... stay with me people. This is quite a lesson!

In my Bible study last night (I told you a lot of posts would revolve around this because God has been waiting to teach me some things, I think), Beth Moore made a statement something similar to, "you can't fulfill your destiny by amputating your past." That's not the exact wording, but you get the idea. And I LOVE that she used the word "amputate," because that's exactly what I try to do. I try to forget, cover up, or otherwise AMPUTATE my past life. Just cut it off. And what's so funny is that I could look around that room full of women and see that some of them just didn't get the concept. Beth likened it to rowing a boat into shore... you have your back to the coming shore and your face toward the place you left. You're still rowing forward but you can clearly see where you came from. HOLY COW PEOPLE... ARE YOU LETTING THIS SINK IN?!?!

I don't know if it's as big a deal for you as it was for me. It was like a light blub went off in my head. Well, so to speak. In reality, it was more like God was whispering... "Blair, you better not EVER forget the crap that I pulled you out of." I have since dubbed myself the Queen of the Amputees. If anyone ever on earth was trying to outlive the past it has been me. I have made so many mistakes, and, oddly enough, so many of them have been with the best of intentions. If there is something you have questions about, you could probably come to me because I've probably done it, seen it, lived through it, felt guilty about it, done it again, and then bought it's t-shirt.

There are things in my past that have happened TO me. There are things in my past that have happened WITH me. There are things in my past that have happened BECAUSE OF me. And I can assure you, not many of them are pleasant, happy memories. I have tried to laugh about things, downplay things, and ignore things altogether. I have stolen and lied and schemed and manipulated. I have suffered and given physical abuse and mental abuse and emotional abuse. I have felt ashamed and guilty and sad and embarrassed. And I venture to say that most of you have done/said/felt most of these things because the funny thing is that the past is common to all of us. Did you hear me?? THE PAST IS COMMON TO ALL OF US.

Of course my experiences won't be the same as your experiences. My enemies won't be the same as your enemies. My fears won't be the same as your fears. But trust me on this one: the shame and the guilt and the sadness and the emptiness and the loneliness and the embarrassment... they're common to us all. WE ALL TRY TO FORGET WHAT'S HAPPENED TO US, WITH US, BECAUSE OF US IN THE PAST. ALL OF US.

But you can't forget your past because, like Natalie mentioned in her post, the past makes you who you are. And you better believe God wants you to remember the crap He pulled you out of. Don't misunderstand me... I don't think you should negatively dwell on your past. Memories can become little altars that we worship everyday, and I don't think we should spend the present worried about the past. But I don't think it does God justice for us to forget it either. He is not shocked by your past, and just like so many others in the Bible, YOU CAN'T FULFILL YOUR DESTINY BY AMPUTATING YOUR PAST. You just can't. He made you. He watched you. HE SAVED YOU. It's important!!

Oh, I wish that all of you could feel the freedom I feel right now. It's liberating in a strange sort of way. I have a past, and it's OK. It's not a great past, I can promise you. And it's not a forgotten past, because that is a worthless and unattainable task anyway. But it is in the past. God has already pulled me from the fire. And I can rest assured that He will pull me out again. I don't want to forget because THAT IS REDEMPTION!

I'm skipping the list today... this is just too important to be overshadowed! Love you all!

Lucky You!

Well kiddos... it's officially the middle of the first month of 2009. Weird. I haven't put the wrong date on any of my checks thus far, though, so maybe that's a good sign. I have joined the choir at church (AMAZING) and started the new Beth Moore Bible study on Esther (FANTASTIC), and you guys get to follow me along my meaningless banter...

Last night at Bible study, the big question was "What are the three toughest things about being a woman?" That was our first thought-provoking discussion, and I really thought the answers would come easily to me. But they didn't. Of course, there's the obvious: the hormones, mood swings... and the physical consequences of the hormones and mood swings. And of course there's the balance... how do I get everything accomplished that I'm supposed to?? And I know that's not three things, but it's the best I could come up with last night. But, today with a bit more thought, I have decided to share with you (My Faithful Readers) the three toughest things about being a woman... (Get ready... this is HUGE!)...

1. It's tough wearing panties and then dealing with the stress of trying to hide the fact that I do. OK, seriously. Once you stop laughing and compose yourself, read on... Britney Spears is ruling the world. She has a team of cohorts that include Miley Cyrus, Paris Hilton, and Lindsey Lohan. Oh, and People Magazine publishes her every move. It's magical, really. The panties. Really. Britney Spears was so worried about her panty lines that she just didn't wear any. And to make sure that she documented the fact that it really is, in fact, uncool to have panty lines, she made sure that People Magazine was there to publish her without any on. Now, I realize that this may be a bit... taboo. But I don't know a woman in the world who doesn't worry about her panty lines. So in order to alleviate this, I am vowing in 2009 to make panty lines cool again. Hey, at least you know we're wearing some.

2. It's tough being a woman in another woman's shadow. For anyone who has done the Esther study, you'll recognize this statement as the first scenario statement. And at first I blew it off because, honestly, I have always thought that you only live in the shadows if you choose that for yourself. I'm a firm believer in standing out. But then I thought about it... and I mean REALLY thought about it... and maybe one of the toughest things about being a woman is... OTHER WOMEN!! And trust me, I have been there and not even realized it. I'm pretty sure at some point during my college career I actually made the statement that I was going to make some ugly friends so I could be the pretty one for a change. (OK, maybe more than once.) I have been in the shadows... behind the "pretty" women, behind the "popular" women, behind the "good Christian" women, behind the "genius," behind the "musician," behind the "man-magnet." Oh, I have been in the shadows, all right. So I vow in 2009 to find ways to let God make me special. Hey, you gotta shine sometime.

3. It's tough accepting that you can't be everything. I don't know if men struggle with this. Frankly, I've never been a man, so I can't speak from personal experience. But women are bombarded ALL THE TIME... Be skinnier! Be prettier! Be younger! Be smarter! Be more nurturing! Cook the meals! Do the laundry! Raise the children! It's exhausting trying to be and do everything you're supposed to do. So I vow in 2009 to clear my schedule, reorganize my priorities, and learn to say NO every once in a while. And if (WHEN!) I don't measure up to Mary, Mother of Jesus or June Cleaver or even Roseanne... I'll just have to get over it. If I'm late to church because I overslept and I feel like people are staring at me, I'll just have to get over it. If I get a spot on my white blouse, I'll just have to get over it. If I don't lose the last 5 pounds, I'll just have to get over it. Hey, I can't be everything.

OK, enough with the wisdom beyond my years. Onward to the list! I think some of you might be shocked at what I've learned lately...

1. Charlie Sheen and Emilio Estevez are BROTHERS and Martin Sheen is their DAD!?!?! WHERE HAVE I BEEN?? Martin Sheen changed his name from Martin Estevez because he thought the American film industry would be more accepting of a less ethnic-sounding name. Charlie followed close behind, but brother Emilio politely declined. I'm impressed with old Emilio for standing up for himself. KUDOS! I can almost forget that he was once married to Paula Abdul...

2. Drinking 16 ounces of ice water requires the body to burn 17.5 calories to warm the water up to body temperature. So if you drink the recommended 64 ounces of water as ice water, your body will actually burn 70 calories.

3. Pop Rocks contribute to global warming. To make Pop Rocks, the sugary candy is mixed with carbon dioxide at 600psi. Carbon dioxide is one of the greenhouse gasses contributing to global warming. When you put Pop Rocks in your mouth, the candy melts and the 600psi carbon dioxide is released from the bubble. JUST SAY NO!

ENJOY!! :)

Oh, The Things You Learn!... My Personality Test

So I took this color personality test thingy, and it says I'm a BLUE personality. Check for comments in BLUE in parentheses...

Congratulations, Blair, you are a BLUE personality. The Core Motivation that drives you through life is "Intimacy". BLUES need connection - the sharing of rich, deep emotions that bind people together. (TRUE) As a BLUE, you will often sacrifice a great deal of time, effort, and/or personal convenience to develop and maintain meaningful relationships throughout your life. (PROBABLY TRUE)

BLUES seek opportunities to genuinely connect with others, and need to be understood and appreciated, especially by their partner. (TRUE) Everything you do as a BLUE has to be quality-based, or you won't do it at all. (MOSTLY TRUE... I'm sure there have been 1 or 2 school assignments I turned in that weren't exactly "quality-based." More often, I just didn't do it at all.) You are incredibly loyal to friends, employers, employees, and above all to your significant other. (TRUE) Whatever or whomever you commit to is your sole (and soul) focus. As a BLUE, you love to serve and will give freely of yourself in order to nurture the lives of others. (TRUE)

BLUES have distinct preferences and are the most controlling of the four personalities, although they may not acknowledge (or even realize) the fact. (SAD, BUT TRUE) Your code of ethics is remarkably strong and you expect others (not only your partner and those closest to you, but everyone) to live honest, committed lives as well. (TRUE) You enjoy sharing meaningful moments in conversation with your partner as well as remembering special life events (e.g. birthdays and anniversaries). (TRUE)

WHY YOU'RE HOT:
1) You Put Your Partner/Relationship First
People like to feel important, especially to their significant other, and you have the natural ability to make that happen. (MAYBE TRUE?) As a BLUE, you tend to be very selfless, and your first thought is always "how will this affect my partner?" You would be willing to sacrifice going out with friends or engaging in an activity that you enjoy on your own to do something less exciting with your significant other - not that they would necessarily ask you to - but just knowing you would is a great feeling. (MMM... DEPENDS ON HOW "LESS EXCITING"...)

2) You Make Events Magical
When planning something such as an anniversary dinner or a birthday party, you don't like to go through the same old routine that everyone else does. You have a flair for the creative and you seem to have a sense of how to create an ambiance by adding special touches that you know will be perfect for the occasion. (VERY TRUE. I am over-the-top... OTT.) For example, you might have personalized gifts or you might recreate something meaningful that happened previously in your relationship. You make ordinary things extra special, which is very endearing.

WHY YOU'RE NOT:
1) You Tend To Blame Others For Your Unhappiness (Oh, come on now... I don't think this is true!! Is it??)
As a BLUE, you hold high standards for yourself and tend to have unrealistic expectations of yourself, your partner, and how things "should be," (OK, that's TRUE) so when things go wrong, you turn to others, such as your partner, as the source for your unhappiness. (I'm still not convinced.) You might say to him, "if only you were more attentive / caring / interested / loving (you name it), this wouldn't have happened." This is obviously not a great way to maintain somebody's affection.

2) It's Hard For You To Relax (You Require A Purpose To Play)
BLUES tend to be overly guilt-prone, and so if you are doing things that are not purposeful by your standards, you probably feel guilty about it. (DEFINITELY NOT TRUE) Ergo, you tend to require a justifiable reason to just play and enjoy life - which usually defeats the purpose and makes it feel unnatural or forced to others in your life. Your tendency to be high-strung in this way can be alarming to a potential mate who is stuck wondering if you'll ever be able to calm down enough to enjoy a life together. (EGADS!)