Not Me! Monday...

If you read MckMama's blog My Charming Kids, then I'm sure you're aware of the fun of Not Me! Mondays. It's been a wild couple of weeks... and here's a list of things that I did not do...

It was not me who came up with a lame excuse so I could leave work 3 hours early and go to Hobby Lobby and browse the Christmas ornament aisles. Not me! I would never do something so deceitful... especially when Christmas is still almost 4 months away.

It was also not me who went by Full Moon BBQ last night and ordered a half dozen cookies (and nothing else) for dinner last night because I was too lazy to cook anything else. Nope. Not me! I always find something healthy and nutritious to make myself for dinner. Besides, my mother taught me that you can't eat only cookies for dinner... and I always do what mother says.

And it was not me who sat behind her desk with her pants unbuttoned all day because they were too tight (...probably from not eating the aforementioned half dozen cookies). No way! Not me! I would never stoop so low just to squeeze into a pair of last year's pants that should still fit.

And since we're not confessing, it was certainly not me who took an entire day off work on Friday to prepare for a party that was cancelled. Not me! If I cancelled a party, I would be responsible and go to work instead of wasting an entire day eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch and watching HGTV.

Anyone want to share your Not Me! moments??

Disturb Us, Lord

Can you believe it's September?? With every passing month, I become more and more aware of all the things I meant to do or be or become. It seems like every time I post again, I'm filling the first paragraph with apologies for not writing like I should and with excuses about how busy I am. This week I have finally! realized that everyone's busy. No one's life is any less important than mine, even though sometimes my actions (and my driving) may prove otherwise. So, onward and upward...

I came across this unbelieveable poem this week and fell on my face with conviction. Read it first. I'll explain afterwards...

Disturb us, Lord, when
We are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.
We ask You to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.
[Sir Francis Drake]

If you read that and felt nothing, then I pity you. How many times a day, a week, a month... a lifetime?... do we sail too closely to the shore, never once leaving our comfy, warm life to meet with Jesus on the raging sea? How many times have I fallen in love with my own life and neglected to remember the very reason for life itself? How many times have I been satisfied with what I have, never once believing that there was anything better to dare to dream for? How many of us are working diligently to create a new, better world to live in but forget that this earth is merely a temporary tent of a home? Oh the things we could accomplish if we could only remember!!

I can't remember a day when I wasn't at least kind of afraid. Looking back at so many of my posts over the course of the past year, fear seems to be an underlying theme. And the funny part is that I don't have an overwhelming volume of conscious fear. But I could speak volumes about my unconscious fears. It's small fear... fear that I don't always know I possess. It's the small fear that keeps holding me back, day after precious day.

I don't have many regrets in life. I think that most people say that they don't have regrets because mistakes only make you stronger, build character, or bring you to where you are today. And while I think I belive that, I can't honestly say that I don't have any regrets. Anyone who says they don't have any regrets suffers from one of two things: 1) denial or 2) miracles. Anyone who has no regrets has never been faced with the fact that someone's very life might have been in your hands and you blew it because you were afraid.

I suffer from a particularly terrifying fear of not being liked. It is closely linked to my struggle with fear of failure. I have convinced myself that being well-liked is in direct correlation to being successful. In other words, the more liked I am by people, the more I will succeed. If you really think that statement through, it's not entirely untrue. Or uncommon. These fears were particularly successful in the winter of 2006. I very well might have held someone's life in my hands, and I didn't follow-up, I didn't check in, I didn't encourage. And all because I was afraid. I was afraid that a group of teenagers might think I was (gasp!) uncool and that if I was (gasp!) uncool that I would be unsuccessful. I have never let that experience leave me for fear that history might repeat itself. All I can hope is that a seed was planted and that God handled the things that I so royally messed up. I won't know this side of heaven.

I know that I am usually writing about Godly singleness, and I won't leave out that part because it all works together. My fears of failure and of not being liked have affected me there too. I shut people out, shut them down before I can fail, before I discover that they may not like me. But what I have realized in all my rants about why God has left me single for so long is this: It doesn't really matter.

That's right. It doesn't really matter why I'm single. It wouldn't really matter if I wasn't. My goal here would be the same. God picked me and created me with a voice, with a purpose. Sometimes it doesn't seem as evident as it does right now... but today I will choose to follow through. I can't tell you why me... why I was picked to live this life and why you were picked to live yours. But we all have something Godly to offer, and every life is connected to every other. What I do or don't do affects people in ways that I can't fully understand. But Jesus understood. He understood the consequences of the cross long before I could have even questioned his decision. My life is connected to His, just as my life is now connected to yours through this blog.

So my prayer today is just that He will disturb me. I want Him to disturb me in my comfort. I want Him to disturb me in my nonchalance. I want Him to disturb me in my complacency. I want Him to disturb me in my spiritual piety. I want Him to disturb me to dream bigger... to leave the safety of shore to meet Him on the raging sea. Because you can't walk on water if you never leave the boat...

Girls: The Mystery Unveiled - Part 2

"Sometimes it's hard to be a woman..." -Tammy Wynette

If you missed Part One, go back and read it. Because now we're on to Part Two.

In all honesty, I might be skipping about 1 million other topics that might should have gone in front of this one, but this is on my heart and is so overlooked that I don't feel the series can continue until this is out in the open.

In Part Two of Andy Merrick's series Why Guys Aren't Asking You Out, he mentions that guys aren't asking girls out because of their vast immaturity. (OK, OK. Yes, he said immaturity. I added the vast part. Sue me.) Anyway, the funny thing is, most girls aren't lonely because guys aren't asking them out. Girls are lonely because they're waaaaaay out of touch with their hearts. Yes, I'll explain. Read on...

Sorry Tammy, there's no sometimes about it... it's just plain hard to be a woman. Everytime I begin to think about the woman I should be, my mind automatically drifts off to the vision of "The Proverbs 31 Woman." She's beautiful. She's sweet. She's irritatingly perfect. Her life is so busy that I wonder when she has time for a career or for friendships or for reading those trashy romance novels. Her light never goes out at night?? When does she have sex? If that was the only picture of a woman I was ever given, I could never live up to that! And I don't think that a sense of failure is very Godly at all.

I know that I am not alone in my sense of failing to live up to expectations. In fact, so many of you who read my blog have commented and sent me e-mails just to tell me stories of your insecurities or your sense of failure. It seems like the only thing common to all women is a feeling of not being good enough as a woman. And this doesn't mean we feel like a failure at what we do... we feel like a failure at who we are. We go through these insane stages of being too much and not enough at the same time... not pretty enough, not thin enough, not nice enough, not disciplined enough. But then we're too emotional, too clingy, too independent, too opinionated. It's INSANE!! And in all our trying to measure up, we've forgotten the most important thing of all - our hearts.

In the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge, they offer nuggets of wisdom that are far beyond the scope of my little blog. But they absolutely nail down the three things every woman's heart longs for: romance, adventure, and beauty. Think about the all the movies that have been so sensitively dubbed by guys as "chick flicks." Don't they include all of these things? Is there a chick flick out there that doesn't include some form of a handsome prince coming to rescue his beloved? It's the absolute truth! Most of the problems women have in relationships (and the lack thereof) stem from these three things... or rather from a lack of, perversion of, or ignorance of these three things.

The deep longings of a woman's heart have been written there by God Himself, telling us something about what it means to be a woman. Whatever it is we feel like we are - or aren't - it's important to remember that we, too, are created in the image of God as women. Genesis says "male and female He created them." So whatever our longing are, whatever our desires are, whatever we're meant to do or be... our hearts were purposefully created as a reflection of God's own heart.

Over the years, women learn to supress their deepest longings because it just doesn't seem possible. Some of these desires have long since gone unmet. Some have been assaulted... or even neglected. The result is the same... women end up living two lives. On the surface we're busy, efficient, quiet, funny, sweet, professional. We're getting by, attempting to be all things to all people. We accept dates from any man who shows an interest. But on the inside, women are losing themselves in fantasy worlds, cheap novels, food, or some other addiction that was manifested to numb the ache of our longing hearts.

So what I wish I could tell you Andy (and women everywhere) is this: women aren't lonely because guys aren't asking them out. See, I have this theory that until I find "The One," every guy I go out with will end up a jerk. But it's not because he really was a jerk... it's because my heart wasn't ready. I have spent a lot of my time working on my heart, and here's what I can offer...

Guys, if you don't know how to communicate with a girl, take this advice: Make her a priority. It really doesn't matter where the dates are or how much money you have. It doesn't matter so much about your family background or how clean your car is. What matters is how much of a priority you have made her. Girls want to be pursued (and not in that creepy-stalker sort of way), and an honest word will go a long way.

Girls, if you're not going on lots of dates, it might be time for a heart check-up. Please don't misunderstand me... I don't believe that a woman MUST have a man in order to fulfill her destiny as a woman. But I know how my single heart yearns, and I know that I'm not the only one. It's time to quit wondering why guys aren't asking us out and start identifying what our priorities are. Is it more important to go on a date... or to go on the right date with the right person? If I have to wait a few more Friday nights before Prince Godsend finds me, so be it.

So I guess that loneliness, like so many other things, is what you make it. Until next time...

Oh, the Soapbox...

It's been a while, but it's that time again... time for me to get on my soapbox!! I know lots of you were expecting my next installment of "Girls: The Mystery Unveiled." I certainly have plans to do that later this week. I'm... uh... still getting my research together. (Yeah, that's it.) Anyway, here are the soapbox topics for today: Attitudes in the Workplace, Government Health Care, and Global Warming. So, without any further ado...

TOPIC 1: ATTITUDES IN THE WORKPLACE

(DISCLAIMER: I am not writing this to offend any of my workplace readers, and I cannot point fingers at anyone because I, too, am guilty of some of these offensive attitudes.)

Everyone has bad days. Believe me, I get it. There are days when everyone is stressed out. There are days when we're all sick and tired of seeing each other more than we see our families or friends. I GET IT. But here's the thing: There is a business to run, whether we like it or not. I don't always love my job. Heck, I don't always like my job. But I do like (and even love) having a job. And I like having a safe, calm, pleasant place to work.

Unfortunately that's not always the case. There are those days when tempers rear their ugly heads and everyone's walking on eggshells so as not to offend anyone and, in turn, reap the unpleasant consequences. Add the tension on top of zero staff meetings, high-stress, and an office full of women. Sounds like the Perfect Storm to me.

Not all of you work in an office full of women. Some of you work in a huge company with lots of different people around. Some of you work in restaurants or hospitals or even at home. But the thing is, ALL OF US are stressed out MOST OF THE TIME. The workplace is never ideal because it's a pretty rare thing when someone says, "You know, I really love being over-worked and under-paid. I think I'll go get me a minimum-wage, high-stress job in an office full of women (or men or lawyers or whatever else you can think of)." We don't live to work... we work to live. (You know, I actually stole that phrase from Jillian Michaels on The Biggest Loser, except I'm pretty sure she said we shouldn't live to EAT, we should EAT to live. I'm also pretty sure she's full of it.)

Anyway, to all of you out there who are just working to live... to those who have "just a job"... all I'm asking is this: Give the rest of us a break. There are actually some of us who aren't working here just to live. For some of us, this is not "just a job"... it's our career. We chose it because, in obvious contrast to your personal feelings about it, we actually like the work. Or we used to... before you starting whining and complaining about every little thing, making fun of others, or just flat-out refusing to do things that you just don't feel like doing. So while you roll in about 9am, mentally check in about noon, and leave at five, some of us don't. It might be just a job to you, but remember that the more pleasant you are, the better your references are for your next job. And don't be afraid to start looking for your perfect job... and probably sooner rather than later or else the rest of us might be tempted to throw you out a window. No offense.

TOPIC 2: GOVERNMENT HEALTH CARE

Please let me start this topic off by saying that I love rich people. They've always been nice enough to give me a job. The problem I'm having now is that there aren't going to be very many rich people left if the government can help it. Maybe that's putting it a little bluntly, but isn't that the real truth? Isn't the point of most government-sponsored programs to equalize the divide between the poor and the rich? Problem is, if we're all equal, WHO OFFERS THE JOBS??

Before you judge me, please know that I have spent a lot of my hard-earned money to provide food stamps, Medicare, and WIC to people in my own family. My opinion here is no respecter of persons. It's not that I don't want everyone to have adequate medical care; I do. I just don't think it's my job to provide it for them. I know so many of you are thinking that the government-sponsored health care program won't affect me, but you couldn't be more wrong.

I work for a small company of about 25 employees. 15 of those are independent contractors, responsible for paying their own taxes and providing themselves with their own insurance. They also make a LOT more than I do. 5 of those are part-time employees. The other 10 of us are making a lower hourly wage than many others in our same field, but we have full medical and dental insurance coverage. If the government sponsored health care plan passes, my employer will be required (not given the option) to either a) provide medical coverage to every employee equal to that which the government offers or b) pay a 6% payroll tax "to support Health Care for America" (taken from http://usgovinfo.about.com/od/healthcare/a/nathealthplan.htm).

I don't know about your employer, but we hire independent workers and part-time employees because we can't always afford to provide the high insurance premiums or the high taxes to hire folks full-time. We're a small company... you do the math. More taxes or higher insurance premiums will mean fewer jobs that can be offered. And that's not OK with me.

But wait... there's more! Here's what the program offers me and you: "For persons already covered by employer-provided health insurance, Health Care for America would virtually eliminate the suddenly very real threat of losing coverage because of layoffs." How would it do that, you ask? Well by "requiring that Americans who remain without insurance either purchase private coverage or buy into the Health Care for America Plan." Wow... so when or if you lose your job or quit working for whatever reason, your government will require that you either PURCHASE your own private insurance or PURCHASE insurance from the government. What a deal!

It scares me the length that our government will go to in order to get our money. We already are paying 20+% in income taxes, 7-10% in sales taxes, and thousands more in gasoline taxes to drive to work, ad velorum taxes to purchase a tag for our vehicle that we use to get to work, and even death taxes when we've finally had enough. It's insane! Do we even keep any of our money??

TOPIC 3: GLOBAL WARMING

I hesitate to write much on this subject because I know it's so touchy, but then I figured that the only people reading this far are the ones that I didn't previously offend with my government-sponsored health care tirade. So, what the heck. I'll continue...

I do not believe global warming exists. At least not man-made global warming. OK, go ahead. Call me crazy. I can wait... OK, anyway, for those of you still with me, I'm moving on.

Consider this: The government (my favorite topic of the day!) has issued new legislature that requires (again, no options here) companies to reduce carbon emissions to a certain point or else face high taxes and penalities. OK, I really shouldn't have to go here, but some of you still don't get the point... If global warming is a serious threat (and is there any other kind of threat?) and if you TRULY believe that global warming is causing serious, irreversible damage to the planet and to humankind in general... then at what point will taxes and monetary penalities be OK? If you really believe that global warming is true, WHY would buying carbon credits get you out of the hole? If it's truly the threat that you believe it is, there would be no amount of money that would "correct" the problem or otherwise cause you to look the other way.

Maybe I'm being too harsh. Maybe I'm too conservative. Maybe I think too much. Whatever you believe about me is your opinion, and that's fine by me. My words are by no means gospel. But I do know this: God never intended for us to live this way... offending each other, criticizing each other, hurting each other. If someone is in ligitimate need, we should help him! We should encourage him! We should give him the tools necessary to allow him to provide for himself. But we should not provide it for him. Otherwise, we begin to breed an entire generation of people who are content with handouts instead of hard work.

Girls: The Mystery Unveiled - Part 1

So I'm hooked on a blog. It's not just any blog... it's Andy Merrick. OK, seriously I have no idea who that is. I know only a little about his story. I have never met him. Ever. But I came across a link to his blog via an old friend's facebook page (see Mom, facebook really is good for information!) and began reading. And now I can't stop.

Anyway, I won't go into Andy's life story (mostly because I don't really know it), but I have been absolutely intrigued by his series "Why Guys Aren't Asking You Out." He's up to like 12 parts of the series, but it's enthralling stuff, I swear. It's so enthralling and enlightening that I've decided to do the obvious: counter it with a series of my own. So for the next few weeks I will be writing a series called "Girls: The Mystery Unveiled." First things first, you'll need to beef up on Andy's material... read the series here: http://blog.andymerrick.com/?p=134.

I also offer up the same disclaimer: I don't claim that my information is flawless or even correct. But I am a girl, and I can offer up a few tidbits on decoding our species. I will probably spend a good amount of time countering points that Andy has made... or maybe explaining them away in terms that even the biggest bonehead can grasp. Hey, everyone has a story to tell. So here it is...

All The Single Ladies: Same Saturday Night... Different POV
While Andy's scenario appears simple enough, women know that nothing is ever as simple as it seems. So what's the real truth? I woke up waaay to early on Saturday morning... a leftover symptom of "I have a real job" that just won't go away. I took that much-needed trip to the gym to work off the family-sized bag of M&Ms I had for dinner last night. About 2 minutes into my workout on the elliptical machine, I cast a sideways glance at the pint-sized, sweat-free Olympic sprinter working out next to me and secretly vow to never be photographed next to her. I spend the majority of the rest of the afternoon lounging on the couch, watching sappy movies on Lifetime and making another secret vow to not let anyone else know what I did all afternoon. Around 4pm, I start calling around to see what the rest of the girls are doing and, after learning that everyone else sat around watching sappy Lifetime movies all afternoon, decide that I'm not as much of a loser as I thought I was. I invite some of the girls over to hang out later and then head to the nearest Publix to grab whichever bottle of white wine has the most expensive-looking label. The girls come over and we drink wine... some from actual wine glasses and some from plastic cups when the four wine glasses have already been claimed. We talk about our work schedules, what's going on with our churches or our families, and discuss any juicy gossip we might have picked up during the week. At some point I'm sure someone asks about the hot new eye doctor working nearby or how things are going with the new guy that so-and-so is dating. And then we talk about anything but guys.

Weird, huh? Don't get me wrong... any girl loves to hear about a hot available guy. But girls aren't talking about you at parties. It's complicated, but explainable in two parts:

Girls aren't talking about you at parties because we don't want to offend other girls. There's a weird, unspoken rule among mostly-single girl circles: We stick together. This is especially true of girls who have been single a long time. Or girls who haven't. OK, it's just a weird thing, I guess. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that when a group of single girls is together, the subject of guys is broached with lots of caution. If one of the girls has recently started seeing someone seriously, it can be a sore subject among other girls who wish that they were seeing someone seriously. Or it can be a serious annoyance to girls who are no longer seeing someone seriously. Unless everyone in the room is single and looking, most of the subject of guys is avoided. As strange as it sounds, girl time is pretty riddled with rules.

But the second reason that we just aren't talking about you is because girls are mental multi-taskers at all times. Let's think about guys and girls in computer programmer's terms: Guys are one-task-minded. They open Microsoft Word, type a letter, and then close Microsoft Word. Task accomplished. Window closed. Once that window is closed, he can move on to the next task. I don't mean to imply that guys are... well... simple-minded (which may or may not be the case). It's intriguing to me how nothing else exists while there's a task on a guy's brain.

In contrast, a woman's mind has several "windows" open all at once... just all minimized at the bottom of the screen. And the windows stay open until the task is completed. In any given day, the single girl's brain might go something like this: Make sure to pay the rent today. Don't forget that Jacie's birthday is Thursday. Did I forget to unplug the iron? My driver's license expires next week. I really need a pedicure. What's on my agenda at work today? I really need to stick to my gym schedule.... and so on and so forth. And it's all up and running until a task is accomplished and the window is closed. It's exhausting. Seriously.

The reason all this is important is because even if a girl wants to gush about a new guy she met or about how hot Bobby looks in his new jeans, she just doesn't. She still thinks it, but it's just another open window. There's plenty of other, girl-safe windows open to chat about.

What's the Point?
The point is... we're different. Girls try really hard to make things look seamless, flawless, easy. But they're not. We're pretending. We go absolutely pee-pants over a guy's attention, but we work hard to make it seems like it's an everyday occurrence.

And (for lack of a more original term) as jokey as this is... I'm really serious about understanding things too. Andy has great insight. He is open and honest about what guys are thinking and feeling (or not feeling). I'm sure I'll gain some momentum just like he did. I don't know it all and I don't know who even reads this... but it's fun. And educational. Mostly.

Keep reading... girls are more than loyal to each other. We're more than just what meets the eye. And who knows? Maybe Andy or I will stumble upon some jewel of relationship wisdom. Maybe God Himself will finally! reveal the mysteries of the sexes to us. But no matter what, stay tuned. It'll be a fun ride.

Sweet Release

I can't believe it's July already! It's been so long since I blogged that I thought for my first post in a while I'd share some of the actual strengths of my Godly singleness... especially since I tend to focus on the struggles of Godly singleness. A lot. In any event, it's a wonderful day and I have wonderful thoughts in my head. Read on!...

I have spent many, many nights pondering my life situation. You know... the fearful feeling in the pit of your stomach that you're missing the point. Everyone has it at some time or another, I think. Anyway, lots of times I look at what's going on in my life and just imagine God sitting up on the throne, gazing sadly (and maybe amusingly?) at what's going on around me. Then He'll give a little chuckle and say, "Oh, Blair! You're missing the point!!" When it comes to Godly singleness, am I really missing the point?

I had a long talk with myself not long ago. And I asked myself a few questions: What if I never get married? What if I never have a family of my own? What if this is all there is?? I'm sure you can guess my answer... My God will take care of me. Yes, it's the recurring motto of my life. It's recurring mostly because I have to keep reminding myself that God really is in control. Only this time, when I really thought about my life and what it's all about... if this is really all that ever happens to me... my heart automatically answered with "my God will take care of me." And this time, surprisingly, I really believed it!

I know, I know... you're probably thinking that I certainly must have believed it all along. Especially the way I carry on and on about it. But it's not true. Sometimes I don't believe it. Sometimes I don't believe Him. Sometimes I don't believe that things are OK or that I have a plan or a purpose. Sometimes I feel like I barely exist... it's like I'm just sort of drifting on the periphery. Flying just below the radar. I'm hard to forget but impossible to remember.

But then I began reading He Chose the Nails by Max Lucado, and something heavenly happened. God actually spoke to me. Personally. I wasn't flying below His radar, and He really needed to be stern with me. Seriously, it was time. You know, I think it's universal to all of us that we feel like we're having the WORST day or the WORST week or the WORST life. We think that no one can possibly understand how we feel or what we're going through. Least of all, Jesus. Oh, but it's sooooo not true, and thank the Good Lord above that He finally talked some sense into me!!

See, here's the thing. Jesus got depressed. OK, I seriously don't know why this thought has escaped me for all of my 28 years, but it's really true. When He was in the Garden of Gethsemane, just before the betrayal, Jesus was praying to God and the Bible says He was deeply distressed. He wasn't just stressed... He was distressed. He was confused. He was worried. He was scared. His friends couldn't stay awake for Him, and at the first hint of danger, they abandoned Him. They didn't just turn their backs on Him; they literally ran away from Him. They denied even knowing Him. They hid so they didn't even have to face questions from people who might have seen them hanging around Jesus. One even sold Him off for a few bucks. And I thought girls were backstabbers... Anyway, Jesus has been there. He has felt alone, just like me. And you.

But wait! There's more... Jesus not only got depressed, Jesus prayed to God and didn't get what He wanted!! OK, I don't know if you're sitting there in disbelief like I was, but it's a word from God that' s just too big to miss! In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus was praying for God to "take this cup from me." He didn't want to die. He didn't want to be in pain. He didn't want to follow God's will. It wasn't fun. It wasn't easy. And it certainly didn't come without suffering or pain. But He did it anyway. How many times have I prayed for something and God just flat out told me no? I mean, Jesus didn't get everything He wanted from God. How could I expect any different??

So here's the strength that I've found in my Godly singleness: I'm really OK. If this is all that happens... If I die next week never having been married or having any children; working two jobs; driving my old, chipped-paint car... If nothing else substantial ever happens... MY GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF ME.

Oh, I'll keep asking for what I want. Only now I'm learning to be content with what He gives.

How Good is Good Enough?

You know that guy best friend you have? The only one who has seen you in your glasses and sweats with dirty hair and no makeup? Yeah, well, I have two. And they are the bestest of the best guy friends a girl could ever ask for! I am so, so, so lucky to have them. But then there comes that day when...

duh, duh, dum

... they meet a girl. And she's cute and she's funny and she's irritatingly perfect. And deep down you know she's probably just as great as he thinks she is because he wouldn't date her otherwise. But when it comes your best friend's girlfriend, how good is good enough? Because it would be really hard for me to handpick a girlfriend for J Mac... and even harder to pick one for True Love. And seriously, nobody yet has been good enough. Nobody.

But then I realize that it must be just as hard for them as it is for me... those moments when something seems so great on paper, but you know it just isn't quite right... the moments when you realize that no matter how badly you wish for it to work out, it just doesn't. It's tough for me, and sometimes I tend to discount how hard it must be for J Mac and True Love when the same thing happens to them.

It's never easy when God says "not yet." I'd much rather Him just tell me yes or no... black or white... open or closed. But in my experience, God's answers always come in His time. And very rarely do God and I run on the same clock. And what's so funny about the whole life experience is that everything we want seems to be just outside the realm of possibility...

A man (or, in the guys' case, a woman) you love desperately but can never be with.
A fabulous job in a fabulous city that you aren't quite qualified for.
An apology or forgiveness that you're too embarrassed to offer or receive.

But I've got some life experience too... from God, from my friends, and from my blog readers... and if I was to give the guys some advice, this would be it:

1) Don't worry. It's WAAAAAY easier said than done, but it's much easier when put in the proper perspective. Your God WILL take care of you. Yes, you might have a broken heart. Yes, you might be buried under mountains of stress. Yes, you might have temporarily lost sight of the goal. But what's great about God is that nothing we go through is a surprise to Him. He's not sitting on the throne, scratching His head, wondering where we went wrong. He has a plan. He sees a much bigger picture. And just because He's allowing a life-valley doesn't mean He wants you to dismiss the scenery.

2) Get a life. Yep, you heard me exactly right. Get a life. And get a good one. The way I figure it, you better get busy living or get busy dying. And the choice is easy, really, because we're all already dying. So you better live while you have the chance. Take the trip you've been meaning to take for a while. Strike up a conversation with the sad-looking, tired-and-worn-out cashier working the midnight shift at the Wal-Mart. Work hard and establish yourself. Volunteer. Make yourself proud of you. But don't sit around waiting on your life to change itself. Very rarely does something great fall from the ceiling of your apartment.

3) Learn to be okay alone. If there was a single-best life lesson I've learned, it's this one. And it's a hard lesson to learn, but if you think anything of any value comes at an easy price, you're dead wrong. Seek God. Pray to Him. A lot. It's the only thing that will get you through the valley. In fact, it's the only thing that will get you through anything. It's the only thing that ever has. And then, when you're ready, ask yourself the question you've been avoiding for most of your 20-something years...

If this is all that ever happens to me... if I never get another job or get married or have children... if this is all that life has to offer... am I really okay?

The answer might surprise you.