Life's Like an Hourglass Glued to the Table...

Is it really time again for reflection on another year passed? It's hard to believe that the month, the year, AND the decade are all coming to a close at the same time! So many things have happened - not just this year, but this entire decade! I think the close of every year is met with just a little bit of shock and awe at the ways in which we've all grown closer or grown wiser or grown up or grown apart.

It's all about the growing, really... that's why we're still here. Each year we have new opportunities to heal or to help or to forgive or to make amends. Or we have bridges that need to be burned, past hurts that need to be buried, regrets that need to be remedied. And with every new happiness, every new tear, every new joy, every new pain... we grow. We become someone just a little bit different than we were before. Contrary to what most of us choose to believe, people really do change. And as long as I'm here on this earth, I will continue to believe that people change just a little bit every day. It might not always be in ways that we can see... or even in ways that we agree with... but there's always change.

I have grown in a lot of ways this year... my career has grown into something I never dreamed I would be doing... and that I never dreamed I would love this much. I have learned that it's very easy for me to validate myself by my performance at work. I relish the opportunity to be important in the eyes of my clients and coworkers. I have tucked myself into a wonderful caccoon of job security. And, at times, I have forgotten what life is really like. Career is an interesting animal.

(Disclaimer: I don't use the term "necessary evil" because while I do believe that work is necessary, I don't think it's an "evil." I don't think any of us would be any happier, better, more successful people if we didn't HAVE to work. I think work is a growth all its own. Work is an opportunity to find a place for yourself, find something you're good at, and decide WHO you want to be when the going gets tough. It teaches us patience and tolerance for others, perseverance, dedication, grace under pressure and how to handle tough decisions and honest mistakes. And for the record, I don't think you have to work outside the home to learn these things. But I do think all of these qualities are BUILT by working hard at SOMETHING, whether that be raising kids or even playing sports.)

I have also recognized a lot of failures this year... failed relationships, failed tests of character, failed communication... poor decisions, poor circumstances, poor choices. But I don't think any year is ever any easier than the one before. Sometimes we are presented with an opportunity and sometimes we create an opportunity. Sometimes we say the right thing and sometimes we mean to say the right thing. Sometimes we judge and sometimes we let it slide.

I think, for the most part, we all try to do and say and mean the things that are good and right and helpful. But sometimes it gets all mixed up, and there's never any indication as to which time it might be right and which time it might be wrong. Sometimes the relationships you wish you could repair can't be fixed. Sometimes the bridges you've burned can't be rebuilt. But sometimes... and you never know when or where it might happen... people change. And eventually, it might be you.

So where do I go from here? The year is coming to a close... the decisions have been made or left undecided, the bridges have been built or burned... what happens next? I can only speak for myself when I say that the only place to go from here is onward. Maybe 2010 will be the year when I can finally work a little less and spend more time with friends and family. Maybe 2010 will be the year of romance. Maybe 2010 will be the year that everything changes. But who really knows? So, with that in mind, here are my 2010 resolutions...

I, then, shall live as one who's been forgiven.
I'll walk with joy to know my debts are paid.
I know my name is clear before my Father;
I am His child, and I'll not be afraid.
So greatly pardoned, I'll forgive my brother.
The law of love, I gladly will obey.

I, then, shall live as one who's learned compassion.
I've been so loved that I'll risk loving too.
I know how fear builds walls instead of bridges;
I'll dare to see another's point of view.
And when relationships demand commitment,
Then I'll be there to care and follow through.

Your kingdom come around and through and in me;
Your power and glory, let them shine through me.
Your Hallowed name, may I bear with honor,
And may Your living kingdom come in me.
The Bread of Life, may I share with honor,
And may You feed a hungry world through me.