Auld Lang Syne

Hello Friends!! It's so great to be writing again... even though my thoughts are so scattered that I have no idea what I'm even writing about! I can't believe it's almost 2009...

You know when you're a kid and you always wonder what the future will be like? Even when I graduated from high school, I don't think I could have pictured myself in the year 2009. And here we are, and I'm so far from where I thought I would be. When I was in high school, if you asked me what I would be like in 2009, I would have said that I would be married and practicing law somewhere fabulous. That was the goal -- my purpose in life. Living up to my potential if you will. If you had asked me in college what I would be like in 2009, I probably would have said that I would be married and singing or leading worship somewhere fabulous. Maybe I would have said that I would be working for a big company in DC or New York.

In reality, I will turn 28 in 2009. I am working in litigation, but as a Lit Support Manager... not practicing law like I would have guessed. I still live in Gardendale, but by way of Auburn and DC and Tuscaloosa... not in a big city like I projected. Although, I must say, it's been an interesting ride, and I'm remembering the best and worst of times these days. As I get older, I have begun to see things as they actually are instead of how the should be. I miss people that I never thought I would and I feel differently than maybe I should...

To Paige, Allison, and Megan (as well as Robert, Clay, and Kevin): You guys never cease to amaze me. Nothing ever changes, and when I'm with you guys, it doesn't matter that I'm unmarried with no kids (and, consequently, very little life). Even though I feel so far behind you guys at times, it's always great to have friends who know your past and anticipate your future.

To Emily, Josh, and Jonathan: I seriously don't know if I would have made it out alive if it weren't for you three. I know that y'all sometimes think that I am the glue that connects this awesome foursome, but you guys will never know that it was you who kept me connected in so many ways -- connected to God, connected to my passions, connected to real life. And you gave me a place to belong. I have spent most of my life thus far feeling like I don't really fit in anywhere, but I realize now that you three are my soulmates. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

To the Members of YKK (especially Meredith, Brandon, Nick, Eron, and Van): OMG I have never laughed as hard with anyone else as I have with you. Whether it was playing Battle of the Sexes (Sk...Sk...Skipper!), Trivial Pursuit (The Panama Canal flows THAT way!!), Balderdash (Spraints a Tot!), Hide and Seek (Van, I seriously hope your arm didn't suffer any permanent damage...), or Volleyball, I loved every minute and I know I can count on you when I need it most.

To the Boys Past, Present, and Future: I have been single for almost 28 years, and while that sometimes seems like a curse, it's also a blessing in disguise. I have lived on my own, traveled on my own, and survived on my own for a long time. I have had the opportunity to live independently and have learned how to ask for help when I need it. I am smart; I am successful; I am beautiful. I know it's intimidating for you sometimes. I can be intense. I can argue both sides. I can make you feel as big as the world or as small as nothing in the blink of an eye. But I will also get to tell one of you someday that I've had too much of me and not enough of you. Keep waiting on me. Don't give up. I can't run forever.

It's crazy the clarity that comes with old age. :) So anyway, onto THE LIST!!

1) I love the cheese biscuits from Jim 'N Nick's BBQ. With honey butter, please.

2) Christmas holds less luster than it used to. Maybe it's that pesky No-Santa-Claus thing.

3) Sara Bareilles has a recording of "Sittin' On the Dock of the Bay" that I love. She's out of tune in the opening. Fact. Not fiction.

4) Toy commericals really do work on children. My neice saw a commerical for the baby doll that goes to the potty, and all she's been singing for weeks is, "Pee-Pee in the Pot-ty! Pee-Pee in the Pot-ty!" It's annoying. She got the Pee-Pee doll for Christmas to shut her up.

5) I am really jealous of my married (and newly engaged) friends. But when I really stop and think about it, I seriously can't image the feeling of actually wanting to be married. Don't misunderstand me... I want to be married more than anything. I want to share my life with someone. I want to have a family. But that feeling when you go from dating to serious... and then he asks... and then that overwhelming feeling that all engaged girls inevitably get. That feeling that brings tears immediately to your eyes when you realize that you actually want to be with this one person forever. I am jealous of that feeling.

Enough pouring my heart out for one day. Next post promises to be light-hearted. :)

Playing Games of Catch-Up

Can it really have only been a little less than 2 weeks since I posted?? I know that perhaps the every-other-week thing seems a bit sparse, but these past couple of weeks have literally seemed like a lifetime!...

I've become a massively huge fan of Picnik... and for those of you who don't know what it is, it's a free photo-editing website. Well, technically I guess you can subscribe and get more features if you pay money, but who wants to do that?? Not me. Anyway, just for grins, here are a few pictures I've taken over the course of a few millenia (so it seems). Enjoy!!

I call this one "First Avenue Lady." It was taken in downtown Birmingham... from my car... pretty much in the middle of the day... obviously on First Avenue. I played a bit with the colors and the exposure, and I'm pretty pleased with the results.

This is a photo I took from the ferry going from San Francisco to Sausalito, CA. It's an absolutely beautiful place... freezing... even in August, and especially on the water. I hyper-saturated the colors to make the sunset appear more brilliant, which I LOVE!! The picture now looks exactly like Sausalito does in my memory... stunning.

This really is one of my favorite pictures I've ever taken. It's a section of RR tracks not far from my house that are very rarely used anymore. I love the picture just because it makes it seem like part of a ghost town or something. Very solemn. Very lonely. Melancholy even. I took the picture in sepia and then tinted it with red.

I took this picture in Destin, FL a couple years back. The beach was pretty eroded from a recent hurricane and everything had this worn look about it, especially this old boardwalk. What I really love about the picture is that you definitely can't tell that at the end of this bridge were some VERY steep steps going down to the water. And you can't tell even more that the steps had been washed away by the storm and just left this 20 foot drop just over the edge. It was frightening, but the picture makes it look like a tiny bit of nostalgia. I used the same grainy exposure as I did with the First Avenue Lady, saturated some of the colors, and then used a sharpening tool to bring out some of the whites and define individual pieces. I think it turned out really nice.

Here's my tribute to Auburn Road... you're welcome, Josh. The exposed brick wall and dim, even intimate lighting lent itself very well to a softed version of this picture. It definitely makes them look more professional.... :)

I have LOADS of other pictures, and I'll try to be better at posting some of them so you can enjoy them too! But, it's time again for the things I've learned lately, which is not much. I think I've passed the learning curve...

1. Pets belong at the zoo. OK, maybe I didn't just learn this, and I know I'm going catch a lot of flack from you animal-lovers out there. Please hear me out... I don't hate your pets. I just shouldn't have any. To me, it seems a bit like burning $20 bills. I can pay a few bucks and get my fill of the pets at the zoo. Once a year is good enough for me.

2. I am more afraid of Kevin Bacon than I am of roaches. This disgusts me. Whenever a Kevin Bacon movie comes on TV, I feel all awkward and panicky and my palms get all sweaty and I have to close my eyes. Yes, I realize that this is completely and utterly irrational... my mysterious KevinBaconophobia. And I used to be terrified of roaches, but just the other night one honked as he crawled past me in the garage. I didn't even jump!! I was just very still as I called my sister out to take care of it. But later that night, "Footloose" came on TV and I thought I needed an inhaler.

3. I want a vampire boyfriend. I realize that I am getting weirder by the day, but Twilight has made me strangly envious of fictional vampire love that spans centuries. Sigh...

4. Publix has made organic shopping so easy!! I was recently convicted about all the chemicals I was adding to my body via food, and while I can't say that I go out of my way to buy organic foods, I have realized that they tend to taste better and they don't make me feel bad for eating a bunch of chemicals. At Publix, they mark all the organic foods with a brown price label and the non-organics with a white one. Now I don't even have to think about it!! I love America.

Well kiddos... enjoy the rest of your week! I know it's only Monday, but every day is one closer to Friday! :)

Lost

It's a strange concept to me... lost. It's definitely NOT a destination. You've planned a near-perfect route and you're cruising along when all of a sudden... WHAM! You're lost. And sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you can't seem to find the turn you took that steered you so far off course. But it happens to the best of us, and I'm feeling pretty lost today. There are three very distinct reasons why. Read on (if you dare)...

1) "God has someone special out there for you."

Now, I realize that it might sound just a bit pretentious and maybe even just plain insane that this uplifting little statement could make me feel absolutely lost. But in all honesty, I think if I hear this phrase spoken to me one more time, I seriously might yak in someone's face. (Yes, please consider this a warning.) I am at an age where just about everyone I know is in some combination of monogamy, marriage, or getting some on a regular basis. So it seems pretty easy for them to say that there's a special someone out there for me too.

Honestly, I don't know if there's someone out there for me. I completely understand that you can't be outside the will of God and expect the blessings of God, but I'm having a really hard time even figuring out what it is that I'm even doing wrong here! If he's out there, is it really too much to ask that he show himself... and soon, please, before I completely lose it. Most of my friends/coworkers/family like to say condesending things like "Oh, you're so lucky. You get to have a career and friends and do whatever you want to." What they don't realize is that the desires of my heart are to have a happy little marriage, a happy little family, all living together in a happy little house. My desires are not for work or career or freedom. The grass is always greener...

Being mad at God is NOT something that comes naturally for me. I'm a blame taker and a peace maker, so it's hard for me to be or stay mad at God (or anyone, for that matter) when I know there's probably an insanely long list of my faults and wrongdoings that can be thrown back in my face. I shudder to think of that conversation. But I seriously am having trouble believing that God would withhold something that He knows would make me so unbelievably happy while allowing my parents to push me to plan my 19-year-old sister's wedding! This one little event has the potential to crush my spirit so thoroughly, so completely.

I feel like God is holding out on me! I can so easily see how Eve was "tricked" into partaking of the beautiful, perfect yet forbidden fruit. Satan convinced her that God was holding out on her. He was withholding something wonderful, something perfect, something she should be entitled to. It's becoming harder and harder to be obedient when rebellion seems too beautiful, too perfect, too easy.

2) "You're really not going to tell me anything about your life?"

Maybe I just have a short fuse these days, but when I heard this statement, I seriously wanted to shift into a werewolf and claw some eyes out. First of all, there's not much to tell. Second of all, I am not in such a bad position in life that I need someone to feign interest in my life. He didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to hear it when we were dating, and now that he's made the unilateral decision that we "could be great friends," he is fishing for information. Information that I'm doing worse without him. Which I'm not. I'm not worse off. I'm just lost. It's hard to feel bad or good when you're frantically trying to find a way back to your normal life. But even if I wanted to be brutally honest about how my life has improved post-taxman, I am always the one to do/say exactly what is expected. And even though I want to lash out, stay angry, hold a massive grudge, I don't. I answer the phone every single time. Sometimes I find myself so annoying...

3) "You're not really going to buy a house here, are you?"

This is probably the worst, most frustrating sentence in the entire world. At least for me anyway, because I never thought I'd be a townie. And it's not that being a townie is a bad thing... I just really, honestly never thought it would be me. I am the mover. I am the accomplisher. I am perpetually on to bigger and better things. Right?

But what if I'm not? What if I'm no better or worse than anyone else who moves home? Even if I moved to a completely different city with completely new faces, new opportunities, new scenery... would anything really be any different? Wouldn't I still be me? Me, surrounded by newer, married/monogamous/parental faces.

And this whole house thing... I just honestly don't know what else to do! I mean, seriously, if I bought a house, what would I do with it? Live in it alone?? I have no idea how to do that! But, again, I just don't know what else to do! It seems like the most plausible option at this point. It's too expensive to rent and a ridiculous waste of money. But it's SOOOO permanent to buy. What's a girl to do??

Kiddos, I have no idea what I've learned this week. I have no words of wisdom. Maybe you could share some news with me... you never know what might make it into my next post!!

Adios...

It's Turkey Time!!

Wow... I created my title with such enthusiasm that it really doesn't matter that I don't like turkey. At least not the Thanksgiving kind. I can tolerate it pretty well on a sandwich at Panera. I'm more of a ham or chicken sort of girl.

Anyway... despite our founding fathers' poor choice of Thanksgiving poultry, Thanksgiving means that it's officially the start of the holiday season!! YAY!! Thanksgiving makes it OK to listen to Magic 96.5's "All Christmas Music, All the Time." (Please ignore the fact that I've been listening to Christmas music since Halloween.) Thanksgiving makes it OK to over-decorate the house, the tree, the front porch... (Please also ignore the fact that I've been buying ornaments for my tree since January.) Christmas usually puts people in a great mood... well, except for the people at the Galleria, but they don't count as real people. Those frantic-Christmas-shopper types could generally pass easier as Pod People. But besides the retail workers and the over-zealous shoppers, people are generally in a good, cheery sort of mood. Happy almost. :) I like it.

I am reeling from my very fantastic weekend in Gainesville... you folks should be so lucky. I'm convinced that everyone wishes they had my friends. And if you happen to be one of those negative, cranky people who don't actually wish you had my friends, humor me. It's Christmas, after all. Here are some of the highlights...

My new favorite chair... I LOVE IT!! Just in case you can't actually see the price tag, it definitely says $349. It did not make it home with me. Instead, I bought the same fabric in the floor sample/scratch & dent section and am going to make a headboard!! I know you're jealous. Try to restrain yourselves.

Notice the matching fabric on the bench cushions. And the bench for the table is built directly onto the kitchen bar... clever, huh? I really, REALLY like this whole room concept. Here are a couple more pics:

Please ignore the poorly dressed people in this photo. They apparently were unconcerned that I was trying to document my future home decor for the masses. In any event, the room was awesome. I heart IKEA.

I haven't learned much to speak of lately, though it's not from a lack of trying. But here are a few things to note:

1) I am unfathomably addicted to the Twilight series. Who knew that a teenage vampire love story could be so intriguing?!? I am almost finished with the second book, New Moon. It's a great read.

2) I frequently find myself trying to image what life must be like for people very different from myself. For instance, I can't image what it must be like to NOT like to read. My sisters think reading is work. That's a strange concept to me.

3) Bad grammar and poor spelling irritate me. Especially in e-mails and even in text messages. I was reading the back of a Post cereal box this past weekend. The text was like 5 "sentences." 4 out of 5 were incomplete sentences. How disappointing, Post. I cannot support poor grammar from a major corporation. Surely someone there can proofread your boxes before they're printed. Until then, goodbye Pecan Maple Crunch cereal.

4) Bottled water at Disney World costs more than soda. This is because water quenches your thirst and soda does not. Bad for me... but good for Disney. Congrats on that outstanding business move.

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all! Hope it's blessed!

Because I Felt Like It

Hold yourselves back, folks... I'm posting two days in a row. I don't know why... I just felt like posting a new list. A "Happy Things" list. A girl I went to high school with started a "Happy Things" list back in the day, so I'm going with that idea. Here's a list of random things that make me happy...

1) iTunes
2) The Color Yellow
3) Holding Hands at the Movies
4) Finding Money in the Pocket of My Coat
5) Leaving Work Early for No Reason at All
6) Brightly Colored Knee-High Socks
7) The Drama of "The Hills"
8) Weather Cold Enough to Wear a Scarf
9) Random E-Mails from Long-Lost Friends
10) The Song "Curbside Prophet" by Jason Mraz
11) Making My Nieces Laugh
12) Choir Music
13) Conversations at the Work Lunch Table
14) New Haircuts
15) Useless Trivia
16) Corny Jokes
17) Decorating for Christmas
18) Snow (In Case We Ever Get Any...)
19) San Francisco, CA
20) The Feeling of Anticipation
21) Historic Buildings
22) Pretty Pictures
23) Giving Somebody a Really Great Gift
24) Chick-fil-A Milkshakes
25) The First Warm Day of Spring
26) Dancing in the Dark When There's No One Else Around
27) Southern Gospel Music
28) Wrapping Presents
29) Buying a New Pair of Shoes
30) Finding the Perfect Shade of Red Nail Polish
31) Target
32) American Idol
33) The Polk County Picnic & What's the Matter, Nannybird
34) The New Sharpie Pens
35) Peppermint Mocha from Starbucks
36) Playing Cards
37) Auburn University
38) A Great View
39) O'Henry's Frisco Chicken Pocket Sandwich
40) Being Crafty
41) Dave Barnes
42) Playing Text Twist on MSN Games
43) Sylvester the Snake
44) Wireless Internet
45) Crystal Light Raspberry Lemonade
46) Hobby Lobby
47) MySpace Bulletins
48) Starz Karaoke Lounge
49) Halloween Costumes
50) Nickel Creek
51) Josh's Cop Stories
52) Sk-Sk-Skipper
53) Sunshine
54) Romantic Walks
55) Trashy Tabloid Magazines
56) Mexican Food & Margaritas
57) My Birthday
58) Rick & Bubba's Turkey Toss
59) Compliments
60) Hugs from My Granddaddy

OK, that's enough for now... feel free to let me know what makes you happy and I'll post it! :)

Sing Over Me

These past couple of weeks have been very tired ones. Maybe that doesn't make sense, but it's true... I've had a couple very tired weeks. Where work is concerned, I'm pumped up. I'm motivated. I'm ready to get some exciting things in the works. And there's obviously a lot going on personally with my sister's new baby and all... so my weeks have been tired and I haven't been posting like the dedicated blogger that I promised myself I would be.

My friend and I have decided that we're going to start a little business on the side... on the side of what? Well, in between babies that are growing too fast, making meals for familes, piles of dirty laundry, full-time jobs, making time for church, and "finding ourselves" (where have we gone??)... we have decided to put our craftiness to work. We're calling it "Dots & Doodles." We make personalized gifts for women and children (because let's face it... when was the last time your husband/boyfriend/father/brother came home and said, "Honey, I'd really like to have one of those really cute framed scrapbook pages made"? Get real.). It's becoming a lot of work to get stuff ready, but it's been fun so far. I promise to post some pictures very soon...

It's great for you guys that I'm terrible at writing essay and am better at lists. Let's not delay, shall we? Here's the things I've learned recently:

1) "Obama kills the babies just like Pharoh." As funny as I find this little quip, it makes me wonder what we're teaching children when we think no one is listening. I learned many moons ago (with literally dozens of children growing up around me), you shouldn't say anything you don't want repeated. If you don't believe me, say a swear word in front of your child. He/she will repeat it when you're least expecting it... probably during church sometime.

2) I am beginning to believe that people can fall in love via the internet. This is a big step for me. I'm a late bloomer.

3) You can buy "Christmas Tree Scent" in a spray bottle at Wal-Mart. Apparently this little invention has been around for ages... and apparently it never occurred to me that I could just buy some Pine Sol or something to put on my artificial tree... but anyway, I'm obsessed with getting some for my artificial tree now. I love artificial trees because I'm a perfectionist and there are just too many unknowns with the real trees... you might have wayward branches to cut off or you might not have even branch distribution. I know this may seem a little OCD to you, but trust me, I'm a Christmas-tree-decorating-expert. These things matter. But now, I get the best of both worlds. I won't miss the real thing at all!

4) Miley Cyrus has a YouTube page called "The Mandy & Me Show." (I don't know why I'm always the last person to learn of these things.) Enough Miley is already too much. Stop the madness.

5) I love to make my 3-year-old niece say "Hello Kitty." She has a hard time with hard K- and C- sounds... and replaces them with a T- sound. So she says "Hello Titty." Yes, I actually am 5.

More to post soon....!! Enjoy the day!

Holy Cow!! So Much Has Happened!!

So I'm sure there's no way on God's green earth that I could ever explain all the things that have happened over the last couple of weeks since I've written, so I'll make one of my famous lists!! Things I've learned from life...

1) I am an aunt again! Lakyn Catherine was born at 11:11am on Tuesday, October 21, 2008. She weighed 7lbs. and 12 ozs. and was 20 3/4 inches long. She's absolutely beautiful!! How can you love someone so much that you just met??

2) Auburn football is still in a recession. It needs a government stimulus package.

3) I have grown very tired of the election nonsense. People are too emotional about it - probably that includes me too, but I haven't figured out why people can't talk rationally about the issues of policy AND of character without there being bloodshed. 8 days and counting...

4) I am unnaturally obsessed with cutting my split ends off. And I realize that I just ended that sentence with a preposition... and I realize even more that knowing it's not gramatically correct to end a sentence with a preposition offically qualifies me for geek status.

5) I am no longer perfectly content on my own. This used to be the case, but I'm old now and ready to move on to bigger and better things. I feel very behind in life.

6) Weather forecasting is NOT an exact science. And people get VERY ticked if the forecast around here isn't spot-on. It all seems very silly to me, but you wouldn't believe the number of people who are still wearing inappropriate clothing for the end of October and then blaming the weather people for their poor fashion choices.

7) Boys are extremely confusing, which makes #5 a bit of a quandry.

8) I make LOTS of lists... I think I could write a book full of lists and it would provide a very accurate picture of my life. Which is a bit frightening in some ways... knowing your entire life can be listed on a piece of scrap paper.

Keep your heads up, kiddies! I feel a change in the air...

Whew! What a weekend!

I'm getting great at this every-other-week thing. I wish I could be like one of those serious bloggers who do this like every day, but I don't have that kind of work ethic. At least not for blogging. Plus, I just don't think I have that much to say.

I would really like to visit Greece. I don't know why that's on my mind today, but it is. It seems like my days of fun and adventure are over... at least they've slowed a considerable bit since college. Ah, to have loads of time and disposable income again... It's tragic, really, the way we're always pining for some part of life that we feel like we're missing out on. Maybe it's just me (although I'd wager money that it's not just me), but it seems a rare occasion to find someone who can't think of one thing they'd rather have or want to do that they can't or don't already. So does this mean we're all just wandering around in malcontent, waiting for magical moments in a vast sea of ordinary-ness?

I for one love magic. Not magic in the "wanna see a card trick" sort of way, but the magic that seems to happen when you least expect it. I can remember this one time when I was in Seattle, I wandered off to the Puget Sound just to gather my thoughts and have a little quiet time with God. It was a wonderful event in and of itself, me and God walking together in the Pacific Northwest. But I didn't see the magic. Not yet, anyway. I had made myself a comfy little home on a rock overlooking a particularly beautiful spot and was practically beside myself with loneliness, pouring my heart out like water before the Lord. And then the magic happened. I dried my eyes long enough to see a whale surface and blow his watery mist into the air. It truly was magic. Beautiful, wonderful, marvelous magic. Of course, there are those other kinds of magic that happen to us... those magical things that we could never plan or calculate on our own. They just sort of seem to happen.

In any event, it seems that I have learned LOTS of new things since the last time I posted a list, so I'll get right to it.

1) The race of a child is always the same as the race of the mother. So if a white woman and a black man have a child, the race of the child will be white. Check Barack Obama's birth certificate. It's true.

2) Auburn football is in a recession. Maybe it's linked to the economy.

3) When John F. Kennedy was elected President, one of his big electing points was that we would go to the moon. He had no idea how to accomplish that task but was determined to do so anyway. I don't happen to be one of those conspiracy theorists, but I'm not entirely convinced that we went to the moon. It seems a bit more likely that we created a great looking, extremely convincing moon in the backlot of Universal Studios. Congrats, though, JFK. Most everyone is proud of your foresight.

4) Joe Biden saw FDR on TV in the 1920's. Now, I know some of you might be thinking, Miss Informed, there was no TV in the 1920's. Still more of you may be thinking, Miss Informed, Joe Biden couldn't have been alive in the 1920's and still be "young" enough to run for VP. Listen folks, it's apparently the American way to believe what politicians tell you. Don't ask me; ask Joe Biden how it's possible. If Obama can visit 57 states, surely Joe Biden can watch a little TV.

5) Spaniards are, I think, the nicest and most hygiene-conscious of all the Europeans.

6) There really is nothing that can replace having great friends. :)

Have a great weekend... and WAR EAGLE (despite the recession)!!

It's Sunday!

Have you heard that song... That's what I love about Sundays? I hate it. No, I mean seriously... I hate it. It gets on my nerves. It's cute-sy and all, but writing a song about cutting coupons and singing off-key and then singing it in a twangy voice DOES NOT remind me of my favorite day of the week. I'm pretty sure I'm quite alone in feeling this way, but it doesn't really matter to me what you think. I still don't like the song. Sundays, however, equal LOVE!

It's getting to be that time of year that makes me happy to live in Alabama. It's really cool in the mornings and it just smells like cool weather. I'm not really sure how to describe that smell... just like the smell of aniticipating the holidays mixed with College GameDay and a little lunchtime breeze thrown in. It just makes me happy. The clothes around here definitely get prettier. I don't know if you've noticed, but living in the South during the summertime apparently means you can shed every semblance of modest clothing without repercussion. Worse actually, I think the boys around here actually count down the days until the sweaters and jeans come off and are replaced by midriff-baring tops (no matter what your midriff looks like and with no thought as to whether or not the rest of the world wants to see your midriff) and shorts and skirts so short my mom would spank me if I ever thought about leaving the house in something similar. And I'm 27. Scandalous.

I haven't watched any of the debates. I know that sort of sounds like a confession... and maybe it is... but nonetheless, I haven't watched the debates. I feel a little guilty because I was all gung-ho when Sarah Palin was chosen as the Republican Vice-Presidential candidate. If it were possible, I would like to be her. She's amazing to me. She's polished. She's down-to-earth. She's facing problems that my family can relate to. She cares about something other than politics. And she does it all never once getting a hair out of place. Honestly, I don't know a woman - Republican or Democrat - that isn't jealous of her. Just a little bit.

But the fact still remains that I haven't watched any of the debates. I think it's my way of being passive-aggressive about the state of this country. It's in a mess. I used to think that the government actually created some sort of crisis during an election year to challenge people to do something. But I've abandoned that theory now, seeing as how I don't think even the most progressive politician would have let things get this out of control. So seeing as how I can't wholeheartedly agree with either party, this is what I have decided... (Write this down. If everyone subscribes to my way of thinking someday, entire elections will be decided on this one thing.) I will vote for whichever candidate lets me decide how my own hard-earned money is best spent.

I think I could seriously reform this country, so in lieu of my regular list of things I've learned, I'm giving you my list of fixes for this country. It has taken a lot of thought, plus a few borrowed ideas from some people with far better ideas than my own. Here goes...

1) TAXES: Taxes will be cut to 10% across the board. If you're an individual, you'll pay 10% of your income in taxes to the government. If you're a corporation, you'll pay 10% of your income in taxes to the government. No more exemptions. No more calculations. No more spending half your paycheck at H&R Block trying to find extra money to take home. 10% for everyone. I figure if it's good enough for God, it's good enough for me.

2) GAS PRICES: I will offer Iran, Iraq, Venezuela, Saudi Arabia and whoever else we still buy oil from $20 a barrel for oil. Take it or leave it. Non-negotiable. $20 a barrel. No sense in our enemies getting rich while our everyday citizens are having to take second jobs to have gas money to get to their first job. If they decide they will not accept $20 a barrel, fine. We'll dig up our reserves. We'll create new jobs in refineries to get anything we drill up at home ready for consumption. And we'll find an alternative source for gasoline. And if we don't succeed in finding an alternative fuel, it's our own stinkin' fault for letting it get this bad in the first place.

3) IMMIGRATION: If you come here legally, welcome. Take an English class. Get a job. Learn the rules of the road. Just like everyone else before you. However, if you attempt to cross our border illegally, we will greet you with a backpack, a rifle, and a one-way ticket to Iraq. If you can survive 15 months over there fighting for the country you're so desperate to become a part of, we'll let you in for free. Good luck.

4) THE ECONOMY: If I seriously knew how to fix this, believe me I already would have. But as the situation stands now, our all-knowing government has agreed to write checks to banks and other financial institutions who made risky loans to underqualified lenders. As a taxpayer, it doesn't really seem like this is my problem; however, the government has now made it my problem. So since we've already offered these businesses the money, I say we clean some house while we're at it. If you, as a private financial institution, are now asking the federal government and, by extension, the taxpayers of the USA for financial help, we will give you the money to keep your business afloat. But the management will be replaced. All of it. I would not, under any circumstances, allow the management of an institution that has gotten themselves this far in trouble to continue running that business with my taxpayers' hard-earned money. Sorry. You blew it. I'm sure there are plenty of jobs elsewhere.

Off the soapbox. Enjoy your Sunday!

Do You Get Anxious Only at Night?

It's pretty much my very favorite time of year, and we're right in the thick of it. In spite of all the other things going on in my life at the moment, I really don't think I could be much more excited than I am right now. Auburn football just puts this giant smile on my face...

Even though we lost last week. Ick.

Sometimes I wish that everyone was an Auburn fan. Weird, huh? Auburn fans are generally nice to others... and welcoming and accomodating. It's just the Auburn way and I think everyone should be the same. However, today I decided that there are WAY too many people that I DON'T want to be Auburn fans because they act like crazy people and they are vulgar and just plain mean. One year when I was in college, some jerks from LSU burned a building down. To the ground. I certainly don't want them on my team. Or anywhere near me for that matter. Hopefully we have very little in common. I am not a jerk. Or at least I'm not a jerky fan. Unlike SOME people.

I love cool weather. And I mean seriously love. I could sit outside all day and just chill out and drink tea and smell the leaves and the chill in the air and the food on the grill. And I know that grilling is supposedly one of those "summertime" sort of activities, but why? It's too hot. And anyone who knows me knows that I don't like to sweat. Unless it's on purpose, of course. And there's just something comforting about the cool air and grilling out and getting to sit on the deck or the patio and just take some time to be outdoors. It's lovely.

Anyway, enough of the chit-chat. The things I've learned...

1) I hate parking decks. I understand that they are very, very convenient and allow lots and lots of people to park in a minimal amount of space. But I really hate them. I feel like you're always playing chicken with oncoming traffic. And if you happen to be lucky enough to be in parking deck that has one-way ups and downs (i.e., no two-way traffic), you can't ever really relax because there's always the distinct possibility that some elderly person will turn the wrong way. This is especially true of hospital parking.

2) The scariest movies generally don't have music continually playing in the background. This is so that when something scary happens, the movie-makers can actually make you pee 3 drops in your pants by playing some random sound really loud at the same time someone jumps out of bed or scares you by looking at you through a window. It's disturbing how well this works. Every time.

3) You really can glue your fingers together with Super Glue. It works, trust me. I do not recommend trying this one your own just to see if I'm telling the truth.

4) "Uncopyrightable" is the longest word in the English language that uses every vowel exactly once and never repeats a vowel. If you can spell that in Scrabble, you win forever.

Later dudes...

People Suck

No seriously, they really do. No matter how great some folks are, it's just inevitable that they will eventually let you down. Done deal. Proven fact. No disputable evidence otherwise. People just suck.

I'm one of those people who tend to want to "fix" things, situations, people... whatever is around. I'm like a emotional, behavioral, situational handyman. Or handygirl as the case may be. I'm a fixer. I fix things. Or at least I try to. And it never quite works out the way I want it to because people are the way they are for a reason. Some people are awesome, and when they let you down they say they're sorry and you believe them because you know that they really mean it and that they'll honestly try to never let you down in that way again. It's a wonderful and rare thing, these people. And then there are people who let you down and they say they're sorry and you believe it, not because it's really true but because you like having them in your life and you just so desperately want to believe it. So you do and you shut yourself off emotionally and when they let you down again, it's really no big deal because you didn't have that much invested anyway.

And then there's the worst kind of people -- people who are never sorry. The ones who place blame and make everything someone else's fault. And these are the worst, most deceptive kind of people for fixers like me because you tend to love them so much and then when something happens, they put just enough blame on you to make you believe that if you just take the blame then it'll be over and things will go back to normal. But they never go back to normal, they just learn that placing blame on you fixes things, kind of like putting a band-aid on a stab wound. And it's a vicious, sickening cycle for the fixers of the world because there's really no easy way out of this kind of situation. It's unfixable. And that's the worst because it makes the fixer feel like a failure. Ick.

But like I said before, people are the way they are for a reason. I'm about to sound wise beyond my years here, but maybe the people who are never sorry are only there to help the fixers learn that there's no point in trying to "fix" people. Fixing things, yes. Fixing situations, perhaps. But fixing people? Not up to me. And things that I can't control, that I can't "fix," make me feel like I'm a failure. It's a nasty way to go through life, always trying to fix things that can't be fixed. At least not fixed by me. Maybe I'm just not a good fixer. Or maybe I just need to find people that don't need any adjustments. Yeah, right. Good luck.

So things I've learned lately...

1) You're not supposed to yell "RAPE!" if you're being raped. You're supposed to yell FIRE...?

2) Sugar Free Pudding really does taste every bit as good as the real kind with all the sugar.

3) I have an abnormal fascination with children's clothes that look like shrunken versions of grown-up clothes.

4) Strength is something that comes when you least expect it. Not physical strength, the kind you have to work for. Emotional strength, the kind that can only come with knowing you're a child of the Most High God. Strength and joy and perseverance and patience... I'm convinced these are not qualities that are readily available to everyone all the time. They only appear when you think there's nothing left for you to fall back on. The things are God's way of saying, "Don't forget about Me. I haven't forgotten about you."

Until Next Time...

Seriously People

The great thing about the United States these days is that the stuff that's going on is so crazy, I don't even have to MAKE UP comedy. I can just REPORT comedy. Prices are up, the stock market is down. I feel like I should cry... but there's so much to laugh at!

I seriously was driving home last weekend, just as Hurricane Ike was rolling in to Texas, and of course everyone in Alabama was in a panic. (And panic is just the beginning... ask me what it's like around here if there's a snow flurry...) Anyway, of course gas stations are jacking the prices up really high since Alabamians have no trouble whatsoever believing that the United States might SERIOUSLY run out of gas or something. And it really shouldn't be funny... but then I drove through my small town and saw that there was a gas station offering gas for the low, low price of $3.89. Not even exaggerating, there must have been close to 50 cars littering the highway, all waiting to get their maximum allowance of 10 gallons of gas. But that wasn't even the funny part. The police were out front directing traffic. Seriously people? Wait until Monday to buy gas.

Since it's Friday and I'm trying to get out of this office, here's the list of things I've learned this week:

1) You can smoke heroin. Apparently you can smoke any drug. Shows how much I know.

2) There is a lady who works on our floor who has no trouble whatsoever warning folks who enter the bathroom when she has diarrhea. Weird.

3) Urbandictionary.com really exists. It's especially good for white people who don't realize just how white they really are.

Have a great weekend, friends!