Do You Get Anxious Only at Night?

It's pretty much my very favorite time of year, and we're right in the thick of it. In spite of all the other things going on in my life at the moment, I really don't think I could be much more excited than I am right now. Auburn football just puts this giant smile on my face...

Even though we lost last week. Ick.

Sometimes I wish that everyone was an Auburn fan. Weird, huh? Auburn fans are generally nice to others... and welcoming and accomodating. It's just the Auburn way and I think everyone should be the same. However, today I decided that there are WAY too many people that I DON'T want to be Auburn fans because they act like crazy people and they are vulgar and just plain mean. One year when I was in college, some jerks from LSU burned a building down. To the ground. I certainly don't want them on my team. Or anywhere near me for that matter. Hopefully we have very little in common. I am not a jerk. Or at least I'm not a jerky fan. Unlike SOME people.

I love cool weather. And I mean seriously love. I could sit outside all day and just chill out and drink tea and smell the leaves and the chill in the air and the food on the grill. And I know that grilling is supposedly one of those "summertime" sort of activities, but why? It's too hot. And anyone who knows me knows that I don't like to sweat. Unless it's on purpose, of course. And there's just something comforting about the cool air and grilling out and getting to sit on the deck or the patio and just take some time to be outdoors. It's lovely.

Anyway, enough of the chit-chat. The things I've learned...

1) I hate parking decks. I understand that they are very, very convenient and allow lots and lots of people to park in a minimal amount of space. But I really hate them. I feel like you're always playing chicken with oncoming traffic. And if you happen to be lucky enough to be in parking deck that has one-way ups and downs (i.e., no two-way traffic), you can't ever really relax because there's always the distinct possibility that some elderly person will turn the wrong way. This is especially true of hospital parking.

2) The scariest movies generally don't have music continually playing in the background. This is so that when something scary happens, the movie-makers can actually make you pee 3 drops in your pants by playing some random sound really loud at the same time someone jumps out of bed or scares you by looking at you through a window. It's disturbing how well this works. Every time.

3) You really can glue your fingers together with Super Glue. It works, trust me. I do not recommend trying this one your own just to see if I'm telling the truth.

4) "Uncopyrightable" is the longest word in the English language that uses every vowel exactly once and never repeats a vowel. If you can spell that in Scrabble, you win forever.

Later dudes...

People Suck

No seriously, they really do. No matter how great some folks are, it's just inevitable that they will eventually let you down. Done deal. Proven fact. No disputable evidence otherwise. People just suck.

I'm one of those people who tend to want to "fix" things, situations, people... whatever is around. I'm like a emotional, behavioral, situational handyman. Or handygirl as the case may be. I'm a fixer. I fix things. Or at least I try to. And it never quite works out the way I want it to because people are the way they are for a reason. Some people are awesome, and when they let you down they say they're sorry and you believe them because you know that they really mean it and that they'll honestly try to never let you down in that way again. It's a wonderful and rare thing, these people. And then there are people who let you down and they say they're sorry and you believe it, not because it's really true but because you like having them in your life and you just so desperately want to believe it. So you do and you shut yourself off emotionally and when they let you down again, it's really no big deal because you didn't have that much invested anyway.

And then there's the worst kind of people -- people who are never sorry. The ones who place blame and make everything someone else's fault. And these are the worst, most deceptive kind of people for fixers like me because you tend to love them so much and then when something happens, they put just enough blame on you to make you believe that if you just take the blame then it'll be over and things will go back to normal. But they never go back to normal, they just learn that placing blame on you fixes things, kind of like putting a band-aid on a stab wound. And it's a vicious, sickening cycle for the fixers of the world because there's really no easy way out of this kind of situation. It's unfixable. And that's the worst because it makes the fixer feel like a failure. Ick.

But like I said before, people are the way they are for a reason. I'm about to sound wise beyond my years here, but maybe the people who are never sorry are only there to help the fixers learn that there's no point in trying to "fix" people. Fixing things, yes. Fixing situations, perhaps. But fixing people? Not up to me. And things that I can't control, that I can't "fix," make me feel like I'm a failure. It's a nasty way to go through life, always trying to fix things that can't be fixed. At least not fixed by me. Maybe I'm just not a good fixer. Or maybe I just need to find people that don't need any adjustments. Yeah, right. Good luck.

So things I've learned lately...

1) You're not supposed to yell "RAPE!" if you're being raped. You're supposed to yell FIRE...?

2) Sugar Free Pudding really does taste every bit as good as the real kind with all the sugar.

3) I have an abnormal fascination with children's clothes that look like shrunken versions of grown-up clothes.

4) Strength is something that comes when you least expect it. Not physical strength, the kind you have to work for. Emotional strength, the kind that can only come with knowing you're a child of the Most High God. Strength and joy and perseverance and patience... I'm convinced these are not qualities that are readily available to everyone all the time. They only appear when you think there's nothing left for you to fall back on. The things are God's way of saying, "Don't forget about Me. I haven't forgotten about you."

Until Next Time...

Seriously People

The great thing about the United States these days is that the stuff that's going on is so crazy, I don't even have to MAKE UP comedy. I can just REPORT comedy. Prices are up, the stock market is down. I feel like I should cry... but there's so much to laugh at!

I seriously was driving home last weekend, just as Hurricane Ike was rolling in to Texas, and of course everyone in Alabama was in a panic. (And panic is just the beginning... ask me what it's like around here if there's a snow flurry...) Anyway, of course gas stations are jacking the prices up really high since Alabamians have no trouble whatsoever believing that the United States might SERIOUSLY run out of gas or something. And it really shouldn't be funny... but then I drove through my small town and saw that there was a gas station offering gas for the low, low price of $3.89. Not even exaggerating, there must have been close to 50 cars littering the highway, all waiting to get their maximum allowance of 10 gallons of gas. But that wasn't even the funny part. The police were out front directing traffic. Seriously people? Wait until Monday to buy gas.

Since it's Friday and I'm trying to get out of this office, here's the list of things I've learned this week:

1) You can smoke heroin. Apparently you can smoke any drug. Shows how much I know.

2) There is a lady who works on our floor who has no trouble whatsoever warning folks who enter the bathroom when she has diarrhea. Weird.

3) Urbandictionary.com really exists. It's especially good for white people who don't realize just how white they really are.

Have a great weekend, friends!