Queen of the Amputees

I have been inspired to write yet again. It almost seems funny to say that I have to be inspired to get on here and write, but honestly I don't think I could describe it in a better way. I have made myself so busy (and God has made me so scatter-brained!) that it doesn't always occur to me that I should write. So thanks to y'all who keep up with my random posting schedule!! :)

I was catching up on my friend Natalie's blog (and if you haven't checked it out, you should... http://sequined-seafoam.blogspot.com/), and she made a statement about how so many people try to forget their past or forget how their past has made them who and what they are today. It really was a profound little post, and I loved that she gives God the praise for the things that have happened in her past to bring her to where she is today. And even more amazing is what God is teaching me here... stay with me people. This is quite a lesson!

In my Bible study last night (I told you a lot of posts would revolve around this because God has been waiting to teach me some things, I think), Beth Moore made a statement something similar to, "you can't fulfill your destiny by amputating your past." That's not the exact wording, but you get the idea. And I LOVE that she used the word "amputate," because that's exactly what I try to do. I try to forget, cover up, or otherwise AMPUTATE my past life. Just cut it off. And what's so funny is that I could look around that room full of women and see that some of them just didn't get the concept. Beth likened it to rowing a boat into shore... you have your back to the coming shore and your face toward the place you left. You're still rowing forward but you can clearly see where you came from. HOLY COW PEOPLE... ARE YOU LETTING THIS SINK IN?!?!

I don't know if it's as big a deal for you as it was for me. It was like a light blub went off in my head. Well, so to speak. In reality, it was more like God was whispering... "Blair, you better not EVER forget the crap that I pulled you out of." I have since dubbed myself the Queen of the Amputees. If anyone ever on earth was trying to outlive the past it has been me. I have made so many mistakes, and, oddly enough, so many of them have been with the best of intentions. If there is something you have questions about, you could probably come to me because I've probably done it, seen it, lived through it, felt guilty about it, done it again, and then bought it's t-shirt.

There are things in my past that have happened TO me. There are things in my past that have happened WITH me. There are things in my past that have happened BECAUSE OF me. And I can assure you, not many of them are pleasant, happy memories. I have tried to laugh about things, downplay things, and ignore things altogether. I have stolen and lied and schemed and manipulated. I have suffered and given physical abuse and mental abuse and emotional abuse. I have felt ashamed and guilty and sad and embarrassed. And I venture to say that most of you have done/said/felt most of these things because the funny thing is that the past is common to all of us. Did you hear me?? THE PAST IS COMMON TO ALL OF US.

Of course my experiences won't be the same as your experiences. My enemies won't be the same as your enemies. My fears won't be the same as your fears. But trust me on this one: the shame and the guilt and the sadness and the emptiness and the loneliness and the embarrassment... they're common to us all. WE ALL TRY TO FORGET WHAT'S HAPPENED TO US, WITH US, BECAUSE OF US IN THE PAST. ALL OF US.

But you can't forget your past because, like Natalie mentioned in her post, the past makes you who you are. And you better believe God wants you to remember the crap He pulled you out of. Don't misunderstand me... I don't think you should negatively dwell on your past. Memories can become little altars that we worship everyday, and I don't think we should spend the present worried about the past. But I don't think it does God justice for us to forget it either. He is not shocked by your past, and just like so many others in the Bible, YOU CAN'T FULFILL YOUR DESTINY BY AMPUTATING YOUR PAST. You just can't. He made you. He watched you. HE SAVED YOU. It's important!!

Oh, I wish that all of you could feel the freedom I feel right now. It's liberating in a strange sort of way. I have a past, and it's OK. It's not a great past, I can promise you. And it's not a forgotten past, because that is a worthless and unattainable task anyway. But it is in the past. God has already pulled me from the fire. And I can rest assured that He will pull me out again. I don't want to forget because THAT IS REDEMPTION!

I'm skipping the list today... this is just too important to be overshadowed! Love you all!