Respect Your Wishes and Your Demands...

I have such a hard time getting everything done... I'm sure any of you can attest to feeling the same way on occasion (or on EVERY occasion like me). Between exercise, work, Bible study, choir, and home I sometimes feel like it's just TOO MUCH!! But I'm always happier when I'm extremely busy, and this, I suppose, is no exception.

I know I've spent the majority of my last few posts ranting about my Bible study (which I ADORE, by the way), and I don't know that today will be an exception, although LOTS of topics are swirling around in my head at the moment. I don't tend to plan out my public rants, I just go where the spirit leads! :) So for those of you who still put up with this meaningless, mindless banter... I applaud you!! And thanks. :)

Beth Moore really touches my heart. She has an AMAZING gift for reading and interpreting and communication the Word that really makes people not only want to LEARN it but makes them want to LOVE it too! And isn't that one of the essential points to Bible study... loving God's Word?? I think so.

Every little girl LOVES the story of Esther... and who wouldn't?? From a worldly perspective, this seemingly forgotten, humble, beautiful little girl gets picked out of a crowd to become queen! It certainly fits the Disney World version of dreams coming true. And I admit, I have always loved the story of Esther, albeit always for varying degrees of reason. First I loved it for the very reason described above. As a child of a broken home, Esther's life inspired me to have hope that dreams that seem virtually impossible really do come true! I mean, if Esther can not only become a queen but can also save her entire race of people from death, then surely things can happen for me too!! As I got older, I loved the story of Esther simply because it was a story about a young woman, like me. Women's power and all that. The Bible is chock full of stories about men and how great they are but it reveals surprisingly little regarding powerful women... well, sort of. So it seemed at the time. But now I love Esther for an entirely different reason: BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T GET THE LIFE SHE DREAMED OF.

What's that I say?? I know, I know. I just went on and on about how Esther's story is one of inspiration and of hope, and believe me, it truly is. Just not for the reasons I believed before. So many details of this story slipped my attention when I read through it so many times before. Here, let me list a few things I've learned about Esther that you might not have realized either...

1) Esther was an orphan. She lost BOTH of her parents. My mother lost her mother when she was only 7 years old, and even though she doesn't talk about it much, I can see that it is one of the worst pains she has ever had to face in her life. I can see in my mother's eyes that not having her mother in her life... to comfort her when she got her heart broken for the first time, to teach her how to make spaghetti or chocolate brownies, to make a big deal out of her birthdays or her first date or her high school graduation... it absolutely has affected the rest of her life. But Esther lost BOTH parents. No mom AND no dad. I can't even begin to imagine that kind of pain.

2) Esther was raised by her MALE cousin, Mordecai. (I LOVE the name Mordecai, by the way, but that has nothing to do with the story at hand.) And in a land that wasn't inherently Jewish. They were exiled Jews living in Persia at the time... Jews who had the OPTION of returning to their homeland and JUST DIDN'T FEEL LIKE IT. A male cousin in a land where they weren't exactly wanted.

3) Esther wasn't CHOSEN to go to the palace. She was FORCED. She was taken from the only family she has left -- her cousin -- and was dragged into a world where you have to be beautiful to survive. In that society, the repercussions of NOT being a virgin when you married were pretty severe. These girls were forcibly taken from their homes and their families to "please the king" in whatever manner he saw fit. When (not IF) they were not chosen, they were resigned to the passel of concubines the king kept at his disposal. Even if they were allowed to return home, the shame of no longer being a virgin would certainly keep many from having a normal marriage and family of their own.

4) Esther had to go through an ENTIRE YEAR OF BEAUTY TREATMENTS. I don't know about you, but HOLY CRAP. I'm sorry, but these weren't UGLY GIRLS!! They were "beautiful young virgins" (Esther 2:3). NOT UGLY GIRLS!! And they still had to go through a year of beauty treatments?? ISN'T ANYONE JUST BEAUTIFUL ENOUGH??

5) When Haman decides to kill the Jews living in Persia, Mordecai asks Esther to go to the king and fix it. You know what she replies? "Thirty days have passed since I was called to go to the King." She had not SEEN, TALKED TO, OR OTHERWISE ENGAGED IN A MARITAL RELATIONSHIP WITH HER HUSBAND IN A MONTH. A month. I don't know about you, but most of the reason I want to get married someday is because I want a partner, a confidante. Esther did not by any stretch of the imagination have a wonderful, fairy-tale marriage.

In fact, Esther did not by any stretch of the imagination have a wonderful, fairy-tale life... but I'm OK with that because I don't either. And yet God used her. God will use me. I am learning more and more to be transparent with people. To identify with them. To use my past as a reason to trust my future. I'm exited about what God is doing, and I'm hoping that my destiny will inspire people too someday.