Girls: The Mystery Unveiled - Part 1

So I'm hooked on a blog. It's not just any blog... it's Andy Merrick. OK, seriously I have no idea who that is. I know only a little about his story. I have never met him. Ever. But I came across a link to his blog via an old friend's facebook page (see Mom, facebook really is good for information!) and began reading. And now I can't stop.

Anyway, I won't go into Andy's life story (mostly because I don't really know it), but I have been absolutely intrigued by his series "Why Guys Aren't Asking You Out." He's up to like 12 parts of the series, but it's enthralling stuff, I swear. It's so enthralling and enlightening that I've decided to do the obvious: counter it with a series of my own. So for the next few weeks I will be writing a series called "Girls: The Mystery Unveiled." First things first, you'll need to beef up on Andy's material... read the series here: http://blog.andymerrick.com/?p=134.

I also offer up the same disclaimer: I don't claim that my information is flawless or even correct. But I am a girl, and I can offer up a few tidbits on decoding our species. I will probably spend a good amount of time countering points that Andy has made... or maybe explaining them away in terms that even the biggest bonehead can grasp. Hey, everyone has a story to tell. So here it is...

All The Single Ladies: Same Saturday Night... Different POV
While Andy's scenario appears simple enough, women know that nothing is ever as simple as it seems. So what's the real truth? I woke up waaay to early on Saturday morning... a leftover symptom of "I have a real job" that just won't go away. I took that much-needed trip to the gym to work off the family-sized bag of M&Ms I had for dinner last night. About 2 minutes into my workout on the elliptical machine, I cast a sideways glance at the pint-sized, sweat-free Olympic sprinter working out next to me and secretly vow to never be photographed next to her. I spend the majority of the rest of the afternoon lounging on the couch, watching sappy movies on Lifetime and making another secret vow to not let anyone else know what I did all afternoon. Around 4pm, I start calling around to see what the rest of the girls are doing and, after learning that everyone else sat around watching sappy Lifetime movies all afternoon, decide that I'm not as much of a loser as I thought I was. I invite some of the girls over to hang out later and then head to the nearest Publix to grab whichever bottle of white wine has the most expensive-looking label. The girls come over and we drink wine... some from actual wine glasses and some from plastic cups when the four wine glasses have already been claimed. We talk about our work schedules, what's going on with our churches or our families, and discuss any juicy gossip we might have picked up during the week. At some point I'm sure someone asks about the hot new eye doctor working nearby or how things are going with the new guy that so-and-so is dating. And then we talk about anything but guys.

Weird, huh? Don't get me wrong... any girl loves to hear about a hot available guy. But girls aren't talking about you at parties. It's complicated, but explainable in two parts:

Girls aren't talking about you at parties because we don't want to offend other girls. There's a weird, unspoken rule among mostly-single girl circles: We stick together. This is especially true of girls who have been single a long time. Or girls who haven't. OK, it's just a weird thing, I guess. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that when a group of single girls is together, the subject of guys is broached with lots of caution. If one of the girls has recently started seeing someone seriously, it can be a sore subject among other girls who wish that they were seeing someone seriously. Or it can be a serious annoyance to girls who are no longer seeing someone seriously. Unless everyone in the room is single and looking, most of the subject of guys is avoided. As strange as it sounds, girl time is pretty riddled with rules.

But the second reason that we just aren't talking about you is because girls are mental multi-taskers at all times. Let's think about guys and girls in computer programmer's terms: Guys are one-task-minded. They open Microsoft Word, type a letter, and then close Microsoft Word. Task accomplished. Window closed. Once that window is closed, he can move on to the next task. I don't mean to imply that guys are... well... simple-minded (which may or may not be the case). It's intriguing to me how nothing else exists while there's a task on a guy's brain.

In contrast, a woman's mind has several "windows" open all at once... just all minimized at the bottom of the screen. And the windows stay open until the task is completed. In any given day, the single girl's brain might go something like this: Make sure to pay the rent today. Don't forget that Jacie's birthday is Thursday. Did I forget to unplug the iron? My driver's license expires next week. I really need a pedicure. What's on my agenda at work today? I really need to stick to my gym schedule.... and so on and so forth. And it's all up and running until a task is accomplished and the window is closed. It's exhausting. Seriously.

The reason all this is important is because even if a girl wants to gush about a new guy she met or about how hot Bobby looks in his new jeans, she just doesn't. She still thinks it, but it's just another open window. There's plenty of other, girl-safe windows open to chat about.

What's the Point?
The point is... we're different. Girls try really hard to make things look seamless, flawless, easy. But they're not. We're pretending. We go absolutely pee-pants over a guy's attention, but we work hard to make it seems like it's an everyday occurrence.

And (for lack of a more original term) as jokey as this is... I'm really serious about understanding things too. Andy has great insight. He is open and honest about what guys are thinking and feeling (or not feeling). I'm sure I'll gain some momentum just like he did. I don't know it all and I don't know who even reads this... but it's fun. And educational. Mostly.

Keep reading... girls are more than loyal to each other. We're more than just what meets the eye. And who knows? Maybe Andy or I will stumble upon some jewel of relationship wisdom. Maybe God Himself will finally! reveal the mysteries of the sexes to us. But no matter what, stay tuned. It'll be a fun ride.