Sweet Release

I can't believe it's July already! It's been so long since I blogged that I thought for my first post in a while I'd share some of the actual strengths of my Godly singleness... especially since I tend to focus on the struggles of Godly singleness. A lot. In any event, it's a wonderful day and I have wonderful thoughts in my head. Read on!...

I have spent many, many nights pondering my life situation. You know... the fearful feeling in the pit of your stomach that you're missing the point. Everyone has it at some time or another, I think. Anyway, lots of times I look at what's going on in my life and just imagine God sitting up on the throne, gazing sadly (and maybe amusingly?) at what's going on around me. Then He'll give a little chuckle and say, "Oh, Blair! You're missing the point!!" When it comes to Godly singleness, am I really missing the point?

I had a long talk with myself not long ago. And I asked myself a few questions: What if I never get married? What if I never have a family of my own? What if this is all there is?? I'm sure you can guess my answer... My God will take care of me. Yes, it's the recurring motto of my life. It's recurring mostly because I have to keep reminding myself that God really is in control. Only this time, when I really thought about my life and what it's all about... if this is really all that ever happens to me... my heart automatically answered with "my God will take care of me." And this time, surprisingly, I really believed it!

I know, I know... you're probably thinking that I certainly must have believed it all along. Especially the way I carry on and on about it. But it's not true. Sometimes I don't believe it. Sometimes I don't believe Him. Sometimes I don't believe that things are OK or that I have a plan or a purpose. Sometimes I feel like I barely exist... it's like I'm just sort of drifting on the periphery. Flying just below the radar. I'm hard to forget but impossible to remember.

But then I began reading He Chose the Nails by Max Lucado, and something heavenly happened. God actually spoke to me. Personally. I wasn't flying below His radar, and He really needed to be stern with me. Seriously, it was time. You know, I think it's universal to all of us that we feel like we're having the WORST day or the WORST week or the WORST life. We think that no one can possibly understand how we feel or what we're going through. Least of all, Jesus. Oh, but it's sooooo not true, and thank the Good Lord above that He finally talked some sense into me!!

See, here's the thing. Jesus got depressed. OK, I seriously don't know why this thought has escaped me for all of my 28 years, but it's really true. When He was in the Garden of Gethsemane, just before the betrayal, Jesus was praying to God and the Bible says He was deeply distressed. He wasn't just stressed... He was distressed. He was confused. He was worried. He was scared. His friends couldn't stay awake for Him, and at the first hint of danger, they abandoned Him. They didn't just turn their backs on Him; they literally ran away from Him. They denied even knowing Him. They hid so they didn't even have to face questions from people who might have seen them hanging around Jesus. One even sold Him off for a few bucks. And I thought girls were backstabbers... Anyway, Jesus has been there. He has felt alone, just like me. And you.

But wait! There's more... Jesus not only got depressed, Jesus prayed to God and didn't get what He wanted!! OK, I don't know if you're sitting there in disbelief like I was, but it's a word from God that' s just too big to miss! In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus was praying for God to "take this cup from me." He didn't want to die. He didn't want to be in pain. He didn't want to follow God's will. It wasn't fun. It wasn't easy. And it certainly didn't come without suffering or pain. But He did it anyway. How many times have I prayed for something and God just flat out told me no? I mean, Jesus didn't get everything He wanted from God. How could I expect any different??

So here's the strength that I've found in my Godly singleness: I'm really OK. If this is all that happens... If I die next week never having been married or having any children; working two jobs; driving my old, chipped-paint car... If nothing else substantial ever happens... MY GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF ME.

Oh, I'll keep asking for what I want. Only now I'm learning to be content with what He gives.