It's Sunday!

Have you heard that song... That's what I love about Sundays? I hate it. No, I mean seriously... I hate it. It gets on my nerves. It's cute-sy and all, but writing a song about cutting coupons and singing off-key and then singing it in a twangy voice DOES NOT remind me of my favorite day of the week. I'm pretty sure I'm quite alone in feeling this way, but it doesn't really matter to me what you think. I still don't like the song. Sundays, however, equal LOVE!

It's getting to be that time of year that makes me happy to live in Alabama. It's really cool in the mornings and it just smells like cool weather. I'm not really sure how to describe that smell... just like the smell of aniticipating the holidays mixed with College GameDay and a little lunchtime breeze thrown in. It just makes me happy. The clothes around here definitely get prettier. I don't know if you've noticed, but living in the South during the summertime apparently means you can shed every semblance of modest clothing without repercussion. Worse actually, I think the boys around here actually count down the days until the sweaters and jeans come off and are replaced by midriff-baring tops (no matter what your midriff looks like and with no thought as to whether or not the rest of the world wants to see your midriff) and shorts and skirts so short my mom would spank me if I ever thought about leaving the house in something similar. And I'm 27. Scandalous.

I haven't watched any of the debates. I know that sort of sounds like a confession... and maybe it is... but nonetheless, I haven't watched the debates. I feel a little guilty because I was all gung-ho when Sarah Palin was chosen as the Republican Vice-Presidential candidate. If it were possible, I would like to be her. She's amazing to me. She's polished. She's down-to-earth. She's facing problems that my family can relate to. She cares about something other than politics. And she does it all never once getting a hair out of place. Honestly, I don't know a woman - Republican or Democrat - that isn't jealous of her. Just a little bit.

But the fact still remains that I haven't watched any of the debates. I think it's my way of being passive-aggressive about the state of this country. It's in a mess. I used to think that the government actually created some sort of crisis during an election year to challenge people to do something. But I've abandoned that theory now, seeing as how I don't think even the most progressive politician would have let things get this out of control. So seeing as how I can't wholeheartedly agree with either party, this is what I have decided... (Write this down. If everyone subscribes to my way of thinking someday, entire elections will be decided on this one thing.) I will vote for whichever candidate lets me decide how my own hard-earned money is best spent.

I think I could seriously reform this country, so in lieu of my regular list of things I've learned, I'm giving you my list of fixes for this country. It has taken a lot of thought, plus a few borrowed ideas from some people with far better ideas than my own. Here goes...

1) TAXES: Taxes will be cut to 10% across the board. If you're an individual, you'll pay 10% of your income in taxes to the government. If you're a corporation, you'll pay 10% of your income in taxes to the government. No more exemptions. No more calculations. No more spending half your paycheck at H&R Block trying to find extra money to take home. 10% for everyone. I figure if it's good enough for God, it's good enough for me.

2) GAS PRICES: I will offer Iran, Iraq, Venezuela, Saudi Arabia and whoever else we still buy oil from $20 a barrel for oil. Take it or leave it. Non-negotiable. $20 a barrel. No sense in our enemies getting rich while our everyday citizens are having to take second jobs to have gas money to get to their first job. If they decide they will not accept $20 a barrel, fine. We'll dig up our reserves. We'll create new jobs in refineries to get anything we drill up at home ready for consumption. And we'll find an alternative source for gasoline. And if we don't succeed in finding an alternative fuel, it's our own stinkin' fault for letting it get this bad in the first place.

3) IMMIGRATION: If you come here legally, welcome. Take an English class. Get a job. Learn the rules of the road. Just like everyone else before you. However, if you attempt to cross our border illegally, we will greet you with a backpack, a rifle, and a one-way ticket to Iraq. If you can survive 15 months over there fighting for the country you're so desperate to become a part of, we'll let you in for free. Good luck.

4) THE ECONOMY: If I seriously knew how to fix this, believe me I already would have. But as the situation stands now, our all-knowing government has agreed to write checks to banks and other financial institutions who made risky loans to underqualified lenders. As a taxpayer, it doesn't really seem like this is my problem; however, the government has now made it my problem. So since we've already offered these businesses the money, I say we clean some house while we're at it. If you, as a private financial institution, are now asking the federal government and, by extension, the taxpayers of the USA for financial help, we will give you the money to keep your business afloat. But the management will be replaced. All of it. I would not, under any circumstances, allow the management of an institution that has gotten themselves this far in trouble to continue running that business with my taxpayers' hard-earned money. Sorry. You blew it. I'm sure there are plenty of jobs elsewhere.

Off the soapbox. Enjoy your Sunday!